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Hah~ fvck. I wasted a bucket of tears and a fvcking broken heart with this. I know a lot of yall hating on Jaemin and Soohyun.. but fvck. I get it and I'm with you, but i'm also not. This is gonna be a long ass review.. and bear with me.. because im so emotional right now. I digested this whole plot like a madman, so i dont get confused and understand every.single.damn.thing.
This is what happens when u get indecisive..
after reading stuffs with villains turning protagonists, i've started to understand characters differently.. and this is not me trying to justify all the shit that happened here. Im just saying..
At first, i was infuriated by Daon.. coz why does he string people around if he already has someone he liked.. and i hated Soohyun because i thought he was abusive like the comments said.. i was about to drop it.. but im the type that checks the ending first.. so i was confused and curious why Jaemin was bad coz he was a green mf on maybe more than half of all these chapters. I couldnt stop reading until i figured it out..
The more i read.. fvck. I fell for Soohyun. Jaemin was the picture perfect guy.. and probably the greenest flag if Soohyun and Sunghyeon never existed. The man patiently waited for Daon to become a proper adult.. before making actual moves on him.. and although he had not liked Daon's family at all, he supported them and Daon genuinely.. or at least that was the case at first.. and i dont disagree with him advising Daon to cut off his family and actually live a life for himself. Everybody deserves that.. and it wasnt like Daon completely stopped supporting his family after cutting them off.. he still sends help for his siblings and paid for his parents' hospital bills.. anyway, point is.. Jaemin was green until jealousy twisted everything. Goes to show how love can shape a person.
He was wrong, in many ways but i can deff say he felt so betrayed and broken he lost it. Imagine someone you love.. so fvcking much.. for years since highschool.. finally became a legal adult in college.. he was thrilled to finally confess and make things official.. only to find out, he was a few days late.. Daon already moved on to another love and even slept with Soohyun already.. which isnt wrong.. everybody deserves to love whoever they want and be with whoever.. but Jaemin lost it yall. And i think i can understand.. coz He waited long, he supported Daon all the way, he already had plans for them in the future.. he was just late in saying it out loud.. he prolly didnt feel rushed coz he thought Daon wouldnt fall for someone else.. that thought prolly didnt pass his mind at all, in the first place.. so the reality for him was probably cruel.. and Daon being indecisive with his own feelings, did not help at all.. thus starting the 10 yrs mess they had in three-way.
Fvck. (╯°Д °)╯╧╧ again, Jaemin was wrong for all those mind games he played.. but his feelings were valid.. it was just so twisted.. to the point that it completely wrecked and affected the lives of them 3. I fvcking broke out crying when he fvcking said the truth and ended up begging. Fvck. I understood his character so damn well that the hurt he felt also affected me.. i'm prolly gonna be suffering from this pain for about a month or so. Shit. Why did i read this （/TДT)/
Soohyun.. hah~ where do i even fvcking begin. I'm just gonna cry for a while first..
Did anyone else even realize, the guy that was beaten by Soohyun, when they were back in college.. yknow the other guy that Daon "supposedly" liked aside from Jaemin and Soohyun back then.. was it Jongyoon? The fvcker looked so much like Soohyun.. even the dimples where there （/TДT)/ .. like, u loved someone so much but u cant have them, so even if its someone shitty... as long as they're somehow similar.. its fine? It wouldve been less painful had it been a one sided love.. but it was a reciprocated love all this fvcking time. Fvck. Can u stop for a while and imagine what these people where feeling? Suppressing that much feelings for what? It was driving me insaaaaane. All those fvcking chapters thinking Daon was a victim for assault and violence and Soohyun was the fvcking aggressor.. only to fvcking find out that Jaemin was twisting every fvcking thing. Fvck
Soohyun was quick to violence.. i know, thats why lotsa people say he was abusive.. and i guess they're right. He almost killed Jongyoon or whatever the name was, because Daon was beaten by the guy.. he slapped Daon when he first started avoiding him, when they all slept already and everything.. and he beat the shit out of Jaemin coz he was being a worse bitch than he already was.. honestly, i might have been justifying his actions here.. but i dont know.. Soohyun for me was a victim with all this shit.
For me, he was caught between Jaemin's obsession with Daon, and Daon's inability to decide which man to keep. The main problem was Jaemin.. the man was too clever with all his manipulation and gaslighting.. Jaemin never gave Daon and Soohyun a chance to realize their feelings for each other. He was a fvcking revenger you guys. He completely blocked them both.. and he did a very great job doing it.. he probably wouldve ruined Daon and Sunghyeon too if he was within their vicinity.. like if he worked with them in the same company.. Seunghyeon would never have had the chance.. thats how perfect of a manipulator Jaemin was for me. The man was hurt so he was gonna hurt everyone too. No one will be happy.
I was just really broken hearted because Daon and Soohyun wouldve been perfect had they were given the chance to be together properly.. Soohyun was someone who didnt care about being labeled gay. He didnt fear what his parents would say if Daon would go to church with him on a Sunday.. he would also support Daon with his problems at school and at home.. it felt like he was being too easy go lucky, but he would organize notes for Daon and let him nap, he was genuinely worried with the nosebleed, he didnt burden Daon by "giving" the laptop and said he'd lend it instead.. it seemed like he was joking asking Daon to live with him but he was really serious about it.. he flaunted he was rich but acknowledges that its his parents money and never said anything to discourage or make Daon insecure because he was poor.
Small things.. but very consistent. He was easy to be with because of his character and that was prolly the reason why Daon fell for him. He was sincere. Fvck.
Soohyun loved Daon and Daon loved Soohyun. Jeamin was so wrong for twisting that.
The love Soohyun had for Daon didnt fall short with the love Jaemin had for Daon too. When Jaemin finally told Soohyun the truth.. that for 10 yrs, it was him Daon loved, Soohyun was the one that was late this time. Fvck. When Daon ran away from Jaemin on that villa and Sunghyeon found him, and they hugged.. then Sunghyeon asked Daon not to turn around.. i fvcking knew. I really fvcking knew.. that car with the light behind them.. they didnt show who it was.. but i fvcking knew.. it was probably Soohyun.. and good thing they never showed what his face looked like that time.. because i would probably lose my mind （/TДT)/
For the people that said Soohyun was toxic and abusive.. you guys were probably right.. but a man that could be that gentle with his niece.. and have a dinner date with his mom.. and a good relationship with his brother.. a man so genuine.. a man that could show that much love with just his eyes and gesture.. he may be quick with his temper.. but i sincerely dont think he'd beat a person he love. That slap would probably the furthest he'd go. Daon's reactions to his pressence might have confused some people, but i think that was just his guilt coming up. He was hiding the fact that he was sleeping with Soohyun and Soohyun almost killed someone coz of him..
i dont like justifying violence because i dont like being in pain too but i always think underlying reasons should be addressed first and consider to give another chance unless its a behavioral pattern. I try to understand before i completely judge a person but i dont see any problem with people disagreeing with that too.. because it always depends on our individual perspectives.
Bottom line is.. i love Soohyun.. and i still think he was a victim too and he deserves to be happy.. i feel that it was so unfair that he was made out to be a bad person.. i am sad because Jaemin never got his happy ending.. i am sad because Soohyun never got his happy ending either.. i am sad that they had to have that twisted relationship.. revolving around jealousy and toxicity.. i am sad that they had such precious, precious memories.. fvck im crying again.. （/TДT)/ i wanna keep the Jaemin and Daon before they met Soohyun.. i wanna keep Soohyun and Daon before Jaemin interfered.. and i wanna grant Daon that love with Sunghyeon too.. instead of making 3 different stories for them with happy endings.. why did it have to be like this?
My only salvation throughout this whole journey with them.. was the fact that i never saw Soohyun cry.. can u imagine my pain when Jaemin laid his feelings bare and begged? My pain when Sunghyeon cried and asked Daon not to be cruel? When Daon was on his knees asking Jaemin for forgiveness? It was terrible.. so i guess, thank you for not showing Soohyun's face that night when he was late.. if that was enough to make Sunghyeon admit that Daon would go to him, had he seen that face.. then that was also enough for me to understand that it was something that would be too painful to bear.
Daon.. i also grew up poor.. and i hated my life too being the eldest aswell.. but now i understand my parents did what they think was the best they could do to rear us, kids.. and i also struggle to have financial stability.. so i really really relate with all that happened.. and i think i was so affected by this because i could relate well.. but Daon really didnt make good choices here.. he was 30 in this timeline.. and he was a clever child too.. i know Jaemin was a mythic level manipulator and gaslighter.. but Daon always had a choice.. he was just a coward.. a really big one at that. He made everybody believe he loved Jaemin all this time.. even us readers for sure believed him too.. had we never had the chance to have Jaemin's pov.
He made Soohyun believe that.. and Sunghyeon too.. a person that could lie that well, can only manage to do that, if they also made themselves believe that lie too. So yeah.. everybody bought that shit.. only Jaemin didnt. I relate to Daon's circumstances but i wasnt really impressed with how things escalated to this level. It wasnt just his life that got so messed up because he didnt muster the courage to say he loved Soohyun.
So yea.. lesson learned everyone.. and please.. hopefully no one irl actually waits for 10 yrs or wait till they're 30 before they actually say the necessary things. I know its hard and its difficult and its scary to say something to someone because we dont know how the other party would react to it.. but in order to move on and properly live our lives.. lets slowly but surely build up that courage.. so we dont regret anything.. because our lives are short. Who knows what would happen, if things fail, lets get hurt and learn to move on, but if things succeed.. wouldnt it be worth it? Atp, people would be thinking, "easy for u to say" but i also have a hard time expressing myself.. sometimes i couldnt even, until it was too late too.. and then regret about it, thinking "what if".. i guess im saying this for myself too.. i just really hope, no one becomes Daon irl.. i guess thats just it.
I just cant help but be really really sad thinking that a very happy ending for Jaemin and Daon wouldve been possible had they said things early on.. or How Daon and Soohyun wouldve been amazing had things didnt get that twisted with Jaemin..
I guess its really the memories that they had with each other that really broke me like this. I never cried like this for a fvcking manhwa my whole damn life. Maybe once upon a time i cried like it because of self pity.. but nothing like this.. im glad that i finished it.. a tug at my heart after a long time of being unfeeling in this acursed life.. but fvcking damnit.. i didnt ask for it to hurt like this.. so im glad i found this.. but i also couldnt be completely happy for the ending.. if anything.. i'm happy Sunghyeon didnt get to experience that much shit with Daon.. fvcking hell, i cant be happy knowing Jaemin and Soohyun had to go through all that.. at least Daon can be happy now with Sunghyeon.. but still.. wtf （/TДT)/