flowerdragon's Things

So I’ve realised this for a while now and it’s become more noticeable (only to me) during this whole pandemic that I really don’t feel as much (strongly) as most people (I think?).

Like I’ve never actually said anything to anyone on how I feel about this because I don’t want things to get weird between anyone I know but, I notice that I don’t feel as attached to people as they may be to me (sorry it’s hard to put into words).

To begin with I don’t really like any physical contact (ie hugs, pokes, pats, etc) or saying “love you” to family and I can tell it kinda bothers people around me so I try my best to allow hugs but not that often. And people talk about this strong connection you feel with family but I just don’t feel it (don’t know why because they all love me dearly) and with friends they may feel like I’m one of their best friends but I realise I keep them at a distance (this is due to past experiences with other ‘friends’) but this has been improving but, I have never been one to talk in-depth about how I feel and things that happen within my family (don’t want to ruin the mood and have others feel sympathy as I wouldn’t want it).

Another thing is that I don’t really feel any sympathy or empathy for people (like one time I got sent out of class with a friend who was crying and I just stood there thinking “wtf do I do” and then proceeded to tell them it’s alright despite not feeling anything towards how they feel) and I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t experienced something as triggering as that person has (like ignorance in a way) or if it’s just plain heartlessness.

There have been a few eventful things that have happened to the people very close to me (self harming-past and divorce-current) and some people around me have tried to degrade me (this happened a few years back) by making me feel bad about my weight and fitness but (luckily) I have a good enough self confidence and awareness (as in I know I’m not overweight and that they are projecting their own feelings onto me) to ignore those comments. I don’t know if this has made me desensitise slightly or if these have nothin to do with how I feel.

Is it normal to feel this way?
Just to clarify: I do feel things just not as much as others not trying to say I feel nothing and I’m only in my teens (if that has any impact on this)
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