that toxic part of me wants a vercion in my life, someone who will drop everything for me and worship me like a god, but also lose his shit on me if i did something to refuse his love and if i strayed away from this idealized version of me he built up for me. this is what happens to a neglected child who learn how to get people to 'like' them. anyway, i still want him tho. cuz hes uncomfortably similar to my major comfort character.
1. loves you and only you (i have a hard time believe people care about me outside of a transactional relationship / it just doesnt click for me)
2. wouldnt ever leave you (i have abandonment issues, i will do things to actively test people and push them away to see if theyll stay with or without me consciously knowing it)
3. easy to follow patterns of behaviors (mad = i did something wrong, happy = i didnt do something wrong / like i dont have to read between the lines about his emotions because when i do something wrong he will show that hes upset, like wearing your heart on your sleeve type of thing, like his emotions switch really quickly)
4. obsessive (i dont believe you love me if you wouldnt do the things i would do for you, like carve your name into my skin or block all my friends, something deranged like that / and part of me feels like i dont deserve the normal tender kind of love)
4. a man
5. someone who would hate fuck me after a long argument
2024-05-28 23:58 marked
IVE READ THE RAWS AND IM STUDYING KOREAN PLEASEEE the next eight chapters are going to be a flashback from when sesam first joined heejae’s guild and how over time he fell in love w seyeong at first he approached and kept sticking to him because he was frustrated and annoyed that seyeong was nice to all the other guild members except him, but iirc around the time he got sick before seyeong called the ambulance for him, he started like blushing and kicking his legs and gradually realising he’s in love w him…+ 42 shows when heejae was abandoned as a child so that’s probably partly why he flipped out so bad when sesam suddenly left even tho he’s still lwk crazy for that… guy has a fear of abandonment
& honestly from the raws i dont think heejae is really the type to lock seyeong up like everyone’s saying, so far he hasn’t done anything crazy like that this guy is honestly pathetic in a loving loser way
2023-11-20 20:44 marked
vercion