that toxic part of me wants a vercion in my life, someone who will drop everything for me and worship me like a god, but also lose his shit on me if i did something to refuse his love and if i strayed away from this idealized version of me he built up for me. this is what happens to a neglected child who learn how to get people to 'like' them.
anyway, i still want him tho. cuz hes uncomfortably similar to my major comfort character.
1. loves you and only you (i have a hard time believe people care about me outside of a transactional relationship / it just doesnt click for me)
2. wouldnt ever leave you (i have abandonment issues, i will do things to actively test people and push them away to see if theyll stay with or without me consciously knowing it)
3. easy to follow patterns of behaviors (mad = i did something wrong, happy = i didnt do something wrong / like i dont have to read between the lines about his emotions because when i do something wrong he will show that hes upset, like wearing your heart on your sleeve type of thing, like his emotions switch really quickly)
4. obsessive (i dont believe you love me if you wouldnt do the things i would do for you, like carve your name into my skin or block all my friends, something deranged like that / and part of me feels like i dont deserve the normal tender kind of love)
4. a man
5. someone who would hate fuck me after a long argument
ok lore, background, context
i was getting so into this manga just around late feb and i went through my profile for the fun of it and i see like i commented on this and i was like 'hm, whats this' CUZ I FORGOT AAAAAAA HOW COULD I FORGETTETETETT, ALL BECAUSE OF A DUMB ASS MISTAKEKEKKEKEKEKE (cough, being a little too honest to my therapist about what i did while manic, cough cough. I COULD HAVE HID IT TOO ARGGGGH) NOW I FORGOT THE WHOLE PLOT AND NOW I HAVE TO READ IT AGAIN BUT THATS OK BECAUSE I REMEMBER THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY SO ILL JUST READ IT AGAIN ON MY FREE TIME ITS JUST SOMETHING NICE TO DO
ok ty for letting me whine and complain and bitch
in the middle of reading this, i realized i could read the mc as someone who may have L1 ASD, and like. idk. maybe its js that shes dense and aint autistic, but idk she can be read as autistic if someone were to frame it that way
ALSO NOT SAID WITH A BAD CONNOTATION, I LOVE SEEING MORE CHARACTERS THAT CAN BE READ TO BE AUTISTIC BECAUSE IM AUTISTIC TOO and its vv comforting to see maybe autistic characters succeeding and living their lived + seeing the people around them being so understanding about her social deficients (PART OF ME WISH THOSE TYPE OF PEOPLE WERE IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS GROWING UP SO LIKE. )
FINALLY YAYYYAYAYAYAYAY THE AUDIBLE SHRIEK I LET OUT OMG I LOVE THESE TWO JS HURRY UP AND GET TOGETHER (i dont mean it literally, like pls author, i love how uve developed their relationship so far, pls dont rush it, ily ty, every time this manhwa gets updated, im reminded of another reason not to slit my wrist /gen )
BRO BRO BRO. IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU. IM ONLY UP TO CHALGER THREE BUT SHES SOOOOOO CUTE OMG BRO THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I HAD TO CHOKE OUT MY PLUSHIES BECAUSE OF HOW CUTE SHE WAS IS TOO MUCH BUT DONT STOP CUZ LIKE I LOVE HER SMMMMM IM GOING TO CRY I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY SOMEONE FIND A MAGE TO BREAK HER CURSE PLS I NEED A GOOD ENDING TO THIS MANHWA
putting this in my reread list imMEDITAELY