thank god i came back at the end of the arc, i would have killed myself if i came back in the middle of an arc
wow!! its almost like relationships that stem from an unhealthy amount of dependency added on w a sick twisted piece of shit who really needs to get check and put on some meds and also be put in therapy because hes a genuine threat to the people around him - relationships like this would never end well. i would know.
anyway. hyeok really deserves better, im ngl that whole two years was js filled w all forms of abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, physical abuse (that coincides w the sexual stuff). but when youre dependent on someone and you whole heartedly believe youre in love w them, its hard to hate them. because then you start to feel guilty for hating them (most likely a result of psychological abuse / taking away love when you dont perform well, love bombing at other times and js generally playing w his feelings)
also it fucking sucks because losing the person you were dependent on feels like dying, it feels like youre going to die. because theyre literally your only source of emotional support and literally everything else. but building up a support system separate from them and slowly building up your self of sense that isnt linked to them is great, works 70% of the time. the other 30% is prob because theyve come back to interfere with your life or you werent able to establish a strong enough support system that could meet your emotional needs and/or you rely on this person financially and youd basically be put outta a home if you defy them (which is worse cause scenario)
i js kept yapping and idk what point im tryna make. anyway, become dependent on someone then they becoming dependent on you is scary. honestly just take a whole bottle of pills together and overdose. you dont wake up to the absurdity of it all until something extreme happens or some event sparks a realization. otherwise, its all a painfully slow way of dying. ur soul / sense of self i mean, not literally dying but in some cases literally dying.
hyeok? you mean dajeong?
mb dude, im really bad w names
being all serious with your cock out is hilarious. and i have to remember that he shoots laser outta his peen. for a job. to protect the city.
if i die, great, he would get what he wanted so badly. just not in the way he wanted. if i survive
1. he gives a shit = maybe he'll learn to value me a little more
2. he doesnt give a shit = suicide second and final round!!! make sure we hit those arteries!!!
basically the only happy ending is if they both die.
trauma bonding perhaps? definitely trauma bonding. also the uke is fucked in the head, but like me too so i cant really tell u how much of this is normal in a relationship
mfw ive been doomed to seek out toxic relationships that recreate my past trauma / the unhealthy dynamics that have plagued me my whole life. HEALING IS HARD. TRY BEING CONDITIONED TO ASSOCIATE FEAR AND ANXIETY WITH LOVE. TELL ME WHAT THAT DOES TO THAT BRAIN OF URS, CUZ IT SURE FUCKED ME UP.
THE COMMENT TITLE LMFAOO
this hits close to home, being in a relationship similar to the one presented in the story. im still grappling with whether or not it was 'love' (however now im sickened by just the words 'i love you' because they sound so insincere. like an excuse for what theyve done, but they tell me they cant live without me and i know for a fact that wasnt a lie.), and i hesitate to call it abuse because i too couldnt live enough him, i was dependent on him and i labelled that as love. im still trying to process everything so i dont have all the answers (and i fucking hate it. i wish i could just make sense of it all and move on. i dont want to think about him anymore and i dont want to feel that way anymore. it makes me feel so sad.)
i picked it right back up on the right time. oh sweet revenge. last time i was reading it, i was fuming at the class president and his brother had only just been introduced. then i scrolled through the comments after looking for any spoilers and found out the brother was a flaming pos. now reading up to ch72, oh sweet revenge. I HOPE UR MANA DISOWNS UR STUPID ASS. AND UR REPUTATION IS DESTROYED, UR NEVER COMING BACK FROM THAT, DEFAMATION HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER. i love when bad people are socially exiled
the good ending (im grasping at straws here, bc i meed to delulu to cope with the, the ☹)
jingi and myeongi get rehabilitated together, being each ofhers support system (but in a healthy way where the dynamic is kinda like "we been through some shit together, we fought and made up then fought again and learned things the hard way. and theres some sexual tension between the two).
heonjae, learns to care for myeongis siblings and in turn learning empathy, how to care for others and himself, finds a job that works for him (prob some physical labor, he wouldnt do well in customer service) and grows and matures as a person.
i specify children because theyre very blunt, easier to read than passive aggressive adults. and their emotional needs are pretty straightforward (i feel liek heonjae would appreciate that). also because children are in need of protection, and heonjae has a really intense need to 'protect' (and thats being generous, hes prob closer to "they cant leave me because i have insane abandonment issues and only so little people get to know me and like me so i need to cling onto the ones that do stay around me or else ill die alone and ill be sad and ill do bad bad things." probably.) so it works well. and itll be a balancing act because children also need to go out into the world to learn and grow as people. they need their own autonomy and heonjae learning to respect that would be ideal. oh plus, children grow up fast and eventually that means theyll leave you because theyve grown and have their own goals and life to live. but they still love you all the same (and i think that sort of secure attachment would be good for heonjae. knowing that even though they may be moving on and they wont see each other as much, knowing that they still love him and care for him would do wonders on his healing journey)
caring for children is a challenging thing to do, but its definitely a learning experience (one that heonjae needs real bad) and can be rewarding watching them grow into their own little people
but if he pulls some stupid shir, detain his ass and throw him back into the cellular.
while the uncle is tied to a five ton brick and thrown into the han river. or somewhere else, i feel like just knowing hes in there would make me sick. maybe get a helicopter to fly his ass over to the middle of the ocean to become fish food. then maybe he could have a "positive" impact in the world as fish nutrition. bleh