creamcham

this is a solid 8/10 for me i think. there are some things i can't exactly come to terms with but i really enjoy how all the characters are written!!! heiner is a well fleshed-out ml whose terrible backstory actually gives him substance beyond being cold/ sad and annette is a unique fl in that she isn't physically/mentally strong but there is emotional strength and kindness in a way that's very human and very rare to see in a webtoon of this style. the depth of the writing is impressive, and there was very little i thought was too tropey or contrived though there was exaggeration (which is fine for a fictional story).

i know a lot of people hate heiner, but i believe with all my heart that he doesn't deserve that. it's true that the way he treated her was reprehensible and that he doesn't deserve full pardon for the way he acted, but i think that he deserves sympathy and also understanding (which is what he was so desperately wishing for from annette, and what he began to finally get. though his past does not excuse his actions, i think his backstory was done extremely well. he was an orphan, sent into cruel military training and treated as an expendable tool of war. all he's known is pain, suffering, and abuse. he's never received love, so it's hard for him to give it, and hard for him to understand it. he's unable to reconcile his hatred for annette's father with his deep adoration for her, and he's unable to separate the way he saw her for his whole life (as almost a saintlike figure) with everything he's been through, too. he believes he's dirty and broken while she was a pure, bright existence, and he though it seems at parts like he's resentful of her i think he was just more desperate for her to understand his pain.

all these things culminate in the way he treated her; he was unable to let himself love her and instead subjected himself and annette to suffering because he didn't know what else to do, which is honestly very sad. in some later chapters we can see him come to multiple realizations that he loved her, and that his love is also broken, "grotesque", and almost an "obsession"- which is. sometimes just how love is. twisted and painful and miserable. because feelings can be hard and that's fine- he just couldn't understand this and couldn't express any of that. he's such a pitiable, contradictory character. he loves her, he inflicts pain on her, he can't bear to see her suffer. he seems like such an ass but the story gives you so much context for why he's like this and you can't help but be sympathetic. he's had such a miserable existence; he has so much blood on his hands. everything he ever cared about was ripped from him, so it's not hard to see why he clings to her so much while also holding himself back from doing anything that would show her that he loved her. i can't forgive him for the pain he caused annette to go through, but at the same time i can't resent him ... because i can understand him. it's so sad. they're so sad. they love each other so much and their love is so real but the circumstances and differences in how they've lived create such a terrible dichotomy and have forced them apart.

even so ... the development between them is incredible. annette's desperation to become a better person because of heiner's wish for her to live and also her own desire to find purpose beyond what she believes gave her substance before is really beautiful. it's rare to see a fl run away and it's even rarer to see one grow so much over the course of a story. she's one of my favorite fls of all time. her development is so heartfelt and wonderful ... the bit about how she was able to reclaim piano for herself after being physically unable to play and wishing thar it could bring people comfort was beautiful, and her kindness towards everyone is just. man. i love her. i love this story. it's not perfect, but it's emotional and it feels almost human. the two of them are star-crossed lovers and it hurts to see them hurt each other but their development as people and the way the story is bringing them together is really wonderful. also it's so rare to see a ml say that he'll never see a fl ever again and actually try and uphold that. +5 to heiner for that!! sorry for the long post ... i was Feeling things.

here's the novel for anyone who wishes to read it .... ithink the novel continues up from where we are in the manwha around 65/70? don't take my word on that but just a warning it's so much worse/graphic than the manwha is OTL the ml deserves zeeero sympathy or forgiveness https://www.novelupdates.com/series/double-junk/?pg=1#myTable