At the start, the feeling of warm blood trickling down my fingers terrified me. But seeing your face filled with joy as you spoke with your sister(She is dead, but you still cannot accept this.), I still continue to do so, just for you. Soon enough, I no longer was able to feel scared of killing the drunk old men in the alleys, or the homeless with no place to go, but the souls you have collected wasn’t enough. You still needed more, they were not satisfied, and seeing you slowly descend down in insanity hurts me.
That day, I learned a special technique, one without your knowledge. The ability to steal one’s soul. It took me weeks before I could even do it right towards animals. Humans? I didn’t know until I decided to give you the soul of a healthy person, filled with vitality. That day, I stalked a young girl, before luring her in to take her soul. I trapped her soul in a special jar made from “him”, but I’d surely need to compensate him later.
She laid there on the cold floor, face terrified. I kept on saying that this was alright, this was a sacrifice that you needed. But even so, I still could not bare to leave the poor girl, destined to be trapped in endless horror. I knew that I’d need another favor to ask him, despite my brain telling me not to. In the end, I followed my heart and took her away to safety. What did he do to me in the end?(I do not wish to speak about that. Although his face was all smiles, I still felt unease. I am lucky that he didn’t ask for much.)
I then continued to do the same thing, stealing souls, taking their bodies someplace safe, and leaving the souls to you, so that you could exchange them for your sister’s life. That night, I can hear your cries for her, and my heart could not help but naturally go to you. Even in tears, while you pushed me away, I, as a fool in blind love, held onto you. That night, we hugged each other deeply. I could hear my heart beating once again, the blood rushing to my face. I excused myself, thinking about you late at night in my bed. My fingers move down to my lower areas without my knowledge.
(He then entered my room, feeling my emotions from afar. He told me that my emotions were delicious, to give him more. I was scared, surprised, and ashamed. He said that human hearts are naturally filled with desire and lust, so there was no problems with fulfilling them. He also told me that the emotions he would get from me shall lessen the compensation I must return. That night, he watched and even helped as I touched myself.)
Without my knowledge, a few years have passed. Your sister is still dead, but even then, you cannot give up from what I have seen. For the rest of my days, I continued to repeat the schedule of taking souls of the young. I could feel myself being less affected by the humanity still inside of me. It scared me. But what scared me more is you lost and afraid, even if I am there.
One day, I have gained news that one of them were attacked. I did not think anymore of it, so naturally, I continued to keep on taking the souls. But I was mistaken that such things wouldn’t affect me. That night, a man appeared, his soul so strong, I could feel my face heat up from excitement. But, when I saw his face, I suddenly remember something. (It was a familiar face I had remember. The girl, is was the girl.)
I sustained injuries, serious injuries. Running away, I was frightened. But that was a mistake, if I hadn’t ran away and instead faced my fears of death, perhaps everything would’ve been better. Maybe then, you wouldn’t have tried to save me, her, us.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I remember now. I held onto your body in tears. I was only 18, I don’t remember a lot about that time. All I knew was that I was sad, angry, scared, and filled with confusion. They came up to me, asking for souls. I remembering saying yes, continuing the same mistakes as you did. But its okay, I will gladly go down this role, just for you. In the end, I was the one who had ended your life, so naturally, I must gain it back, just for you.
He came back, and told me that he would help me. I did not no what reasons he had, for helping me would create no benefits. But he never gave me any reasons(I think he was attracted to my sadness, poking at those feelings of lost and confusion back when I was young. I learnt how to control myself now. He no longer takes advantage of me.).
Hey. I know you’re not here anymore, and that collecting these souls are only making myself weaker and weaker, but I still wish to say all of these regrets that you have not heard yet.
Michael, I am in love with you.
Thank you.
For accepting me.
And sorry, I wasn’t able to save her.
Love, Abel.
(woohoo story time ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶)
did listen to a song on repeat
did being obsessed with someone
did meet my favorite mangaka
