beta
I just wanna say...being desired like this must be exhilarating and scary. I'm not surprised or annoyed that Taeui can't believe Ilay must love him, and tbh he doesn't love him in the traditional sense, but he desires him the most in the world which is saying a lot. He must be a psychopath but it's not like he is incapable of feeling. Personally I love how he talks dirty - there is a honesty in his desire that makes my heart flutter.
Also, as fucked up and scary as being his lover might mean, to be desired by someone like this for life because you know the standard they have for a companion is you and no other is freaking amazing. People underestimate how lonely one can be when they've grown up with a sibling who is always the one in demand and always coveted by everyone... in this scenario, Taeui is being desired without any remorse or excuses by someone and it's natural he still is making excuses or trying to make sense of it. Especially when it is Ilay. But I feel...for some reason, being loved obsessively after a lifetime of neglect must feel exhilarating.
I love this story, and the novel even more. Guilty pleasure.