gardenfairy's Favorite

It will never ever make sense to me ppl's fixation of painting Joowon as "the bad guy" in Joohae's relationship, when its not what LOH depicts AT ALL. "In hindsight, everyone is a perpetrator and victim” —Joowon, Chapter 2 // This quote right here has to be the most DEFINING quote for these two, and I wanted to write an essay about it (yes it's a literal ESSAY IM SORRY).

When the story starts, we see Haesoo feeling hurt, claiming Joowon doesnt care about them and projecting him in a bad light + we see JW's attitude & his *possessiveness*... But we quickly learn that Joowon acts that way because Haesoo manipulates his emotions. Haesoo says its the "relationship I manipulated because I craved an obsessive love”, and he "builds walls, so Joowon can tear them down”. Meanwhile Joowon is also in the wrong as he's immature, impulsive & acts on ALL of Haesoo’s provocations. They inflict these actions on each other because they're BOTH insecure about their r/s. Because defining a relationship usually gives parties a sense of security... so what happens in an UNDEFINED dynamic where they can’t officially be "lovers", and can’t voice their true feelings either?? Well: there's no security in the relationship. That’s why Joowon and Haesoo keep up this push/pull tactic. It's the only way they can affirm they're “each other’s”. The fact that Joowon only acts within the confines of their jealousy games/Haesoo's manipulation, is proven further when they break up: HS narrates, "the game is over", and we see Joowon actually give Haesoo SPACE cause he knows his boundaries and where the lines are drawn. He still clearly loves Haesoo though, so he tries to protect him in the background (eg: when leo told him shady stuff abt taku, the bullying scandal, etc.)

Now that leads to the question: why did Joohae stay in this sort of hurtful open relationship for so long, if they love each other?? Well in short: its cause of their PARENTS.
Haesoo’s reason for not wanting to define the relationship: he fears that he’ll lose his mom if he makes things serious with Joowon. His mom spent ages guilt tripping him for her divorce + tells him she can’t love him if he loves Joowon. The guilt Haesoo feels isn't JUST towards his mom though. It's towards Joowon too. Haesoo constantly projects Joowon's life as "perfect" and feels so inferior at the success of JW's career. So he thinks he's the "only one suffering" (hence painting JW as the asshole who doesnt care). He also seems to see himself as a hindrance to Joowon & thinks JW will be much happier with a marriage, kids, etc. And Haesoo's thoughts AREN'T really Joowon's fault. Joowon never said he wanted a "normal" life, or tried to make HS feel like a burden. He always called Haesoo, told him he missed him, tried to spend all his free time w him despite his busy work. So I think most of HS's insecurities stem from his mom acting like he doesnt deserve her love, and his mom making him think he's a burden ("Am I that much of a hindrance to you?"). It clearly left Haesoo emotionally broken.

Now... Joowon's reason for not wanting to define the relationship: It started, after Joohae were caught as teens and JW was hit with a harsh reality. He got slapped by HS's mom and Haesoo even said: "I’m scared of my feelings for you”. It made Joowon think Haesoo can’t handle their relationship getting serious. JW felt driven into a corner, so he said, “Don’t fall for me and I won’t fall for you”. This is Joowon's foolish attempt to PROTECT them from being separated. He wanted to frame their r/s as “nothing serious, we’re just fooling around” to make things less complicated. He was also trying to protect Haesoo, knowing he can’t make Haesoo lose his mom. Joowon's dad deeply affects his actions too. After the highschool fight issue, he tells Joowon that Haesoo is gonna abandon him, and he shouldn’t start things he'll fail. Joowon takes this to heart after the divorce, where the mom makes Haesoo leave without even telling Joowon. Ofc he now thinks he’s been “abandoned” cause things got too serious for Haesoo, and that everything his father said was TRUE. His father gaslights him for years that Haesoo will abandon him. So Joowon literally thinks the ONLY WAY Haesoo will be with him, is through this ambiguous relationship.

Now. Consider both perspectives: Joowon never insisted that he wanted an official r/s because he thinks Haesoo will drop him otherwise. And Haesoo never insisted on what he truly wanted either (an official r/s! the same thing! WOW~ lmao) because the guilt he felt towards his mother overtook all of that. They willingly chose this, and the ambiguity of their relationship hurts BOTH of them, but they endure it cause they love each other and they wanted to stay together no matter what. Haesoo confirms it when he says "It’s painful because we know we can’t have it, that’s why we kept it ambiguous for 10 years”. Haesoo kept going back to Joowon for years. That’s what made Joowon arrogant and had him thinking, “Haesoo is fine with this. Haesoo can’t live without me. I knew he'd never leave me if we keep our relationship ambiguous”, and Haesoo never communicated otherwise. The remarriage suddenly made all of HS's fears abt losing his mom too real: hence why he walks out first, leaving Joowon to rethink EVERYTHING about what Haesoo truly wanted.

So in the end: who's the victim, and who's the perpetrator? You could say both... or NEITHER. At the end of the day, Haesoo and Joowon were just 2 people who loved each other since they were teenagers, but could never communicate it for their own reasons. They BOTH willingly got into these roles of an ambiguous relationship and kept up unhealthy cycles of jealousy. And they did it to be with e/o without having to be honest about their feelings, or face the consequences of their relationship. Through distance and time spent apart: they realized they feared never telling eo their true feelings FAR MORE, than whatever they could lose as a result of their love. That’s why in the end Haesoo asks Joowon if he regrets their relationship due to Joowon’s career and dad and everything... Haesoo was always worried about that: that if they chose each other, they'd come to resent each other for their losses (he says it in their breakup). But Joowon being the ride or die man he is, says he regrets nothing & he doesnt care about that as long as he’s with Haesoo. These two possibly have the most conflicting relationship I’ve read in a while— but they way they make realizations, develop, and change their mindset all so realistically to reach the conclusion they do is quite beautiful to me <33

Just here to drop my daily Joowon appreciation comment!~ He's come so far and I love that for him ♡ ♡ ♡

When Haesoo walked out on JW to go with Taku: Joowon respected his wishes and fully left him alone. Instead he always tried to protect HS from the shadows despite getting nothing in return. He confronted Taku when he found out he was using Haesoo like his past models. JW also told Haesoo he'll always be there for him in any way Haesoo wants him as: even a hyung or friend, even though Haesoo broke his heart and said he liked someone else. Plus how Haesoo was just as much at fault for their relationship but Joowon didn't hold anything against him!! -nothing vindictive or bitter, because his love for Haesoo doesn't have any condition. He lost his acting gig to protect Haesoo. And now he stood up to his father just to be with Haesoo. He also respected Haesoo's decisions YET AGAIN to leave him, to go abroad for 3 whole years T_T he waited so patiently. He's just SO IN LOVE it hurts a little.

Joowon's development over the course of this manhwa was especially beautiful: like how he fully admits all his faults and how he said he was wrong for never telling HS he loves him because of their parents and cause he was scared to lose HS. His character development is well written, n his whole character is just realistic and raw and something to appreciate! Like how he's human and makes mistakes despite his good intentions, but he showed clear growth!!! I just love him :)))

honestly when i see joowon hate in the comments at this point in the story it just makes me scratch my head. like...??? this man been self-reflecting for nearly 40 chapters, and then got into a car crash i-

I swear there are more moments of Joowon in pain (physically, mentally, etc), through these 97 chapters, more than any other character :'D I mean he...

-took a slap from haesoo's mom, just to take the heat off of haesoo
-almost got suspended and lost his acting debut for haesoo
-got yelled at by his dad after the high school fight
-abandoned by haesoo after divorce— this wasn’t haesoo’s choice but it still hurt jw
-was neglected by his dad ever since his mom died
-has the public's eyes and pressure constantly on him (it said in the story that he would literally run to haesoo for support when things got too much for him)
-told by haesoo that he never wants to see him again... when jw literally has no one else there for him except his manager lmao
-constantly chasing haesoo, calling him, telling him he misses him— only to be ignored or lied to // haesoo really believed JW was not genuine in his feelings or just wanted to hook up,, while joowon said stuff like how he just wanted to cuddle HS while sleeping pls lol
-when haesoo blames joowon/their relationship for the losses in his life + punches him T.T that part really hurt damn
-got crucified by the public and had his huge acting gig dropped just to protect haesoo
-injured his hand pretty badly with glass when taku started saying manipulative shit to him about feeling “loss"
-almost d worded in a car accident
-his whole depressing monologue: “Romance is fleeting. Reality endures. Happiness seems imaginary while sadness knows no bounds. That’s why I wanted us to stay young forever.”
-second depressing monologue: “I didn’t want to ruin things, and I was lonely. So when I felt suffocated I’d run to Haesoo."
-another depressing jw monologue: “I was too young to know that reality is different from a screenplay. No happy endings, no perfect situations."

Also... honestly I do love Haesoo in his own right, and I KNOW he had his reasons for doing some of the things he did to joowon in the story. even if they were wrong~ like umm: emotionally manipulating jw to make him jealous and angry. or you know: saying he wants joowon to suffer. multiple times. but i can't recall a real situation where joowon intentionally hurts haesoo. he was literally trying to protect him and protect their relationship, and made some mistakes along the way. he let his immaturity/arrogance blind him to notice those mistakes. As a joowonist, it hurt to see him get hurt over and over, but I am glad he had well written and BELIEVABLE character growth ╥﹏╥

Why are people so mad that two people who’ve loved each other for 10 years have finally come to a place where they’ve healed/are healing the issues that hurt them and kept them apart.

Taku isn’t getting a raw deal. His storyline is developing too, y’all just refuse to actually read canon and choose instead to believe your own interpretations. From the very beginning, it’s always been a love affair between Haesoo and Joowon. All 3 parties know this, and Taku interjected himself KNOWING that his pseudo relationship with Haesoo was not INITIALLY based on love or genuine care. It was mere curiosity and attraction, a distraction for the both of them. Somewhere along the way, he finally started feeling something he’s never felt before. His character development is that he’s no longer going to treat romantic interests or love so lightly. Taku was arrogant and believed himself above the vulnerability that love draws out of us. He’s been humbled and now he’s capable of truly loving someone.

Honestly, I feel sorry for Haesoo. He’s been holding in the pain and torture of being rejected by his first love yet still engaging in a dysfunctional sexual/romantic relationship with him for T E N Y E A R S. I don’t know if any of you have ever actually loved someone and been in a dysfunctional relationship but that shit is no walk in the park. It’s emotionally and mentally destructive and changes who you are as a person. Mostly it alters how you value yourself. Haesoo loves himself the least out of all 3 characters. He just wallows in this misery and refuses to really move on because he doesn’t feel worthy of love. That rejection really scarred him more than he lets on. His attitude is just a defense mechanism because he doesn’t want Joowon to see just how much power he has over him.

His happiness and peace of mind has been so contingent on validating this strange thing between him and Joowon. It’s no wonder he’s so irritable and spiteful. He has built up so much resentment over the years and has had no real outlet to express himself. His writing career is stalled, his relationship with his mother is strained because if his relationship with Joowon, he and Joowon avoid the truth just so they can stay in each other’s lives, and his relationship with Taku reminds him too much of what he yearns for with Joowon. He’s so alone. I used to not be so sympathetic of Haesoo, but I see now that he’s been the only character standing still, trapped in the past while everyone else finds a way forward. Haesoo is literally trapped in that moment Joowon told him “Don’t fall for me”.


SPOILER!!!











That’s why the confession scene is so poignant. It’s not just a confession but Haesoo’s first step forward in 94 chapters! He reopened that wound by being honest about still loving Joowon as much as he did all those years again when he tried to confess. Joowon recognized it too because he rewrote their story as he said he would and confirmed what Haesoo has been silently begging for, that yes they do love each other and it’s always been love and Haesoo hasn’t been alone in feeling all the emotional turmoil from the lack of communication and blatant lies they’ve told each other. They’re finally standing in the same place after 10 years. Youngha wrote something beautiful and it’s so stupid to reduce it to ship wars.

Its funny how they're both thinking of Jowoon lol