polinsesi's Topics (335)

Cross dressing doesn’t erase your gender? A man can cross dress as a woman and still be a man.

I know, obviously. I'm just not very enthusiastic about this being fetishized in manga and such.

Also, in reality, when men crossdress, they still look like men. (most of the time)
In mangas...

It’s a manga, it’s clearly not realistic. But yeah I get what you’re saying.

I feel like that's just you not vibing with it-
Have you heard of drag? A good majority of drag queens are gay. If it had to show up anywhere then it would be in gay media-

I think so too.
Now that I think about it, it may be because of these plots of "some average guy who thinks he's found himself a cute girl then gets tricked and assaulted over and over again." (I took it from some other comment)
I don't think people in real life would like to be portrayed in this predatory way. When it is romanticized, it feels even more wrong.

So after doing some retrospecting, I guess because these stories always involve some degree of deceit or even rape that I'm not very comfortable with mangas depicting crossdressing tops now. ^^

In a couple chapters they have sex without the crossdressing more often and the bottom also crossdresses too. Top still is fem though so if you don't care for pretty boys then I say drop it

why r u even reading this if u don't like it? imao

You def have a point here tho in the end. This kinda depiction is a cliche by now and you're valid for feeling uncomfortable with it. You CAN look at it as more of a power-fantasy, where the crossdresser "the femine gay" dominates the asshole of an asshole (insert laugh track here), but looking beyond that it's totally become a more negative stereotype too.

i will say though a good majority of people that request drag performers for favors are straight men, so if the top is femme throughout it does kinda defeat the purpose still lol

No. If someone I love told me to “go find someone else to date then”, I would be so heartbroken and betrayed that I wouldn’t be able to see their face. And knowing seme, he felt ashamed and guilty towards uke so he couldn’t just easily walk up to him and apologise and say I love you because it might not be what uke wants. It depends on how far that love can be stretched. Some love is new and weak so a comment like that can break it completely but other love like the one in the story is a little more stable because it’s a little longer lasting and can withstand this kind of argument. If my bf said this, I would need at least 2 weeks to be in a place where I can hear his apology without feeling the urge to slap him and ugly cry all my emotions out at how betrayed I felt. It’s pretty realistic.

Well yeah but they weren't dating yet so it was a bit much imo all the ghosting. the communication was lacking there. Just talk instead of storming off every time u see them and they wanna talk

It’s actually better they spent time apart. If they didn’t, another argument would have happened. And although they didn’t make it official, both of them viewed this relationship as “dating” so both of them felt hurt and betrayed. The seme should have talked about his feelings of jealousy instead of attacking the uke with his words like that and the uke should have recognised that the seme was jealous and not actually hateful. But that’s not how emotions work. Emotions will always cloud your judgement to some degree and they both needed time to process that emotion before they could come to an understanding. It’s not ghosting because he had a legitimate reason for walking away and avoiding the seme. Ghosting is leaving someone on read and avoiding them for NO reason. Even the seme understood that his words and actions hurt uke and that’s why this whole thing came about. Uke only ran away because he was on the verge of tears or actually was crying. You can’t pin all the communication issues on uke when it’s the seme who was wrong in the very very first place. He wasn’t invited to pick up uke after drinking, he got jealous of a person he didn’t know and didn’t care enough to ask questions about the relationship uke had with him, he dragged uke away forcefully because of said jealousy and when uke asked him to stop, he said hateful words out of spite and jealousy. The only thing that uke did “wrong” was that he reacted in hurt and betrayal before letting the seme backtrack and apologise. Anger would have been a more appropriate reaction to the situation but our baby is in love and so he felt betrayed instead. All of those are normal and very realistic reactions. No one is going to get hurt and kinda insulted by someone they care about and listen to what nonsense they have to say in excuse tomorrow. You distance yourself from the one that hurt you and that’s healthy. You shouldn’t keep people who hurt you around you until you are ready to confront or forgive them. This is a life lesson to learn because otherwise things get unnecessarily messy with arguments that could have been prevented by leaving a situation and coming back with a clear head.

I'm not pining the communication on uke alone. They both had trash communication there but I personally believe in explaining stuff and not in avoidance and misunderstandings. There is nothing I hate more than someone just refusing to listen when I wanna explain a misunderstanding. If u need time after the explanation then I'm all for it personally.

You can have a reason to ghost someone, but I guess he was just avoiding him.
It's a pity, there's a lack of communication. The seme is hurt seeing the uke with another dude, so he hurts the uke by telling him that, so the uke hurts him by avoiding him and not telling him he likes him while already knowing the seme's feelings.
And then, the seme should apologize?? Like he is the only one in the wrong? It's just some miscommunication, both parties are responsible. And even when the seme wants to explain, the uke won't let him. In my opinion, if the uke doesn't want him, he should keep at it. If he wants him, he can even initiate the reconciliation. Why make himself and the seme suffer any longer? I just find it egoist. But well I know it's normal nature. ^^

But once again, if you’re the one in the wrong, it’s not about what YOU want. YOUR wants no longer are priority if you are trying to apologise for YOUR actions. THEY don’t want to see your face for a while so THEY will leave the situation so as to not cause a bigger mess by being angry or aggressive or speaking out of turn and saying something they don’t mean. It’s great that you want to sort things out straight away! But majority of us don’t work that way. We need time BEFORE a conversation. Ask a therapist and they will say the same. It’s the healthiest thing you can do for any relationship you have. Walk away, gather your thoughts, come back when you AS THE ONE WHO WAS HURT are ready and then you can problem solve by either confronting the person about their actions or forgiving them. When you are in the wrong, it’s about them. Let’s give you a quick example so you can visualise it. You text your spouse saying you’ll be late home because of a work function happening but when your spouse goes grocery shopping later that same day, they see you with your back turned and it looks like you are kissing someone. They rush home and text you to sleep at your parents because they can’t look at your face. In their mind and heart, you did the unthinkable and they need to confront themselves and their emotions about it and learn to forgive themselves for any negative thoughts they had towards themselves. You may want to go and say “baby, it’s not like that! I had cat fur on me and they were taking it off!” But that’s not what is going to get through to them if you go now. What’s going to get through to them is that you are making an excuse instead of validating their feelings and their hurt. You would be too quick to defend yourself FIRST and then by default put them SECOND. That’s not how it should work. If you give them the time they need to sort out their thoughts and feelings, it won’t matter whether you defend yourself first or validate their hurt emotions first because they have validated themselves. This is why most arguments happen and are unnecessary. If you simply step back when both of you are in a rush to get your own needs sorted, sort your own needs out for a second then come back when things are less tense, both of you can get your needs taken care by the other again. Your need to defend yourself and their need to feel validated that they weren’t wrong for feeling hurt for what they thought your actions were are both important but nothing is more important that the hurt person having it their way. You hurt them so you owe them whatever they need in order to be in a more receptive position to listen to you. You need to learn to go at another persons pace in a relationship. You need to trust that the other person will go at your pace in kind for you going at theirs. It’s as simple as that.

You should read what I just wrote. It’ll explain why the seme is the one who should apologise and why he should wait for the uke to be ready to come forward. Like you said, the uke can initiate the reconciliation since it was the uke who was hurt by the semes actions. The seme can’t initiate reconciliation since he’s the one who hurt the uke first. Uke did what he did as a REACTION, not an ACTION. If someone grabs your arm and you wack them with that arm while trying to get away, who is in the wrong? The one who grabbed you is in the wrong even though you also hurt them. A reaction done within 30 seconds of something happening is not as wrong as the action that caused said reaction (within reason).

I think they are both in the wrong in my opinion.

Why thou ?

I don't like to read crossdressing seme. I don't have that fetish, same as furry, etc. But I still love the author. :3

They aren't crossdrssismg alot just long hair

I know, and he's very handsome with long hair. ^^

i think the mixed feelings people feel is because of the author's amazing writing. and unlike the other bad guys in this story he's the one we actually get to see things from his side/perspective. it makes it more personal? i guess. like this isn't just some guy; it's a character we get to know.

not saying that makes him worthy of a happy ending though, you are correct that others suffered too. at the end of the day he's not a good guy.

I agree, sorry, I just wanted to let off some steam in my post because that was really overwhelming.

You can pity him and still think he's a terrible person. You can pity him and still think Bongchon and Soongap have more tragic pasts. Those things are not mutually exclusive. People who pity Pilgyeon just recognize that his possessive and destructive behavior is a product of his childhood trauma. It's sad that a seemingly sweet child grew up to become such a monster.