Hello, this can be extremely long since there are alot of things I want to say and I have no one to tell it to so I'd thought to give it a shot.
Also this may be not be the best organised piece of rant ever so do be aware.
Oki so I am a female I'm in my 20s and I've been dating a guy since I was 17 I've known him since I was 14. He is a year older than me and our relationship is currently long distance.
He is my first relationship and literally my first everything the first time I held hands my first hug and even my first kiss (even though it was a little forced but we can get into that later).
I got diagnosed with bpd and chronic depression my first year of college and my first 2 college years have been absolute hell I've lost alot of weight due to not eating continuous sh and a bunch of other shit that continued for 2 years straight and I'm currently attempting to recover from and get my life back together. My lovely boy friend has been with me throughout my downwards spiral he has done some mean things through it but ultimately he was supportive. But just recently around summer time he has been giving me less and less time less and less care less and less everything even though that's the only thing he can give me is just 5 minutes of his day and he wanted to stop doing that. We argued alot or I did and he would call me needy and dramatic he also recently told me that he thinks that I faked those 2 years of downwards spiralling and that if I love sh so much that I should go do it I gained some healthy weight told me to lose it cus I'm fat he also told me that I look like a slut or act like a slut on separate occasions.
He forgets my birthday our anniversary we stopped celebrating valentine's day cus it's too close to my birthday and he can't send me two messages too close to each other cus he can't think of words to say.
And a bunch of other lousy shit he did that will just make this a whole lot longer.
Since our last argument in all fairness he has tried to change by Trying to pay attention and trying to care
But I honestly just feel so exhausted cus I've begged him for years and now that he does it I feel like I don't want it anymore
It's apparent to me that he didn't want to do it and if he wanted to he would've he didn't need me to cry and beg for it but even then I still decided to see it through maybe he has changed that is until
Yesterday happened.
So with him being my first every he is also my first sexual relationship we haven't had sex yet and we haven't fooled around that much before he went abroad.i just also do want to state that I am not his first relationship nor am I his first sexual relationship either he has had a friends with benefits before and he had another girlfriend before me. So when it came to my first kiss it wasn't romantic at all nor did I really want it he sort of egged me on telling me to come on and just do it. And I honest to god felt absolutely nothing from it. Now to the fooling around part I also did not want it and I did tell him that I didn't want it but he also did egg me on telling me that he is leaving we wouldn't have another chance and to just do it do mind you this was in the street in a public fucking street and in public fucking parks. I ofc wasn't comfortable with any of it nor did I enjoy any of it either. There were also some men who would watch us and when I told him he basically didn't care or told me that it's in my head and that there is no one and that I'm making shit up. When I made him stop he would get absolutely furious at me and tbh I did make me a little scared. But I always felt that I was at fault cus I would make him stop midway and if I could just have pushed through he wouldn't have been angry at me. I honestly didn't enjoy any of the groping and touching I only enjoyed the deep kisses cus only then it's when he seemed to care. Oki now to something I actually enjoyed was sending noods.
Ofc I wasn't the one to initiate it but I did enjoy being sexual and vulnerable with him in that way I really did use to enjoy this part of our relationship but all good things come to an end as this mother fucker ruined it for me aswell. He became demanding when it came to my pics/videos and he became more forceful when it came to me sending them. Some days he wouldn't even talk to me unless if it was for sexual reasons and some days he wouldn't talk to me at all cus he would jack it off to my pics he would only talk to me again if he wanted new material. He started demanding them more and more when I took a step back saying it's his rights and that I'm taking away his rights and that he deserves them and a bunch of other shit. Mind you also he does not sexually satisfy me even when I do beg him to speak to me a certain way or just certain things I want from him. He doesn't oblige doesn't really care if I'm comfortable doing something or not or even if I want it or not I drew the line when he confessed that he wants to fuck me while my father watches.
K now back to yesterday. As I mentioned I did think he wanted to change and yesterday he was all nice all lovey dovey . Guess fucking what ? He wanted pictures and when I didn't surrender to his whims he got mad spouting a bunch of bullshit of how I'm not grateful and I don't appreciated him and that he is trying for me so I should also try for him.
I am honestly at odds ends at what I'm supposed to do I think we all know the answer is obvious that I should leave but do keep in minds those factors
1 I am in an extremely conservative and religious country if somehow it was found out I was in this sort of relationship with any guy outside of marriage my future is as good as dead and buried
2 he was a genuine sweet and nice guy and throughout our friendship he has held on to me idk what has changed
3 I do not know how to move on nor do I have the luxury I am in an intensely demanding college and I'm currently taking my finals exams I do not have the luxury to grieve this relationship or even have the time to cry about it
4 I have absolutely no support system or any friends or anyone I can talk to I am an incredibly lonely person and he was literally my only friend for a really long time also due to my bpd it is extremely hard for me to create friendships and maintain them
I'm really sorry for the long read but I'm absolutely clueless on what to do my heart truly aches for what could have been and what it is not and I don't think I can stop my aching for a long time
Please if there is any advice on how to leave or how to move on or just what to do I would be forever greatful and indebted for your kindness thank you for taking the time to read my long but somehow didn't summarise everything question.
I know your going through tough times and you don’t have a support system, but you need to do a few things:
1) You NEED to break up with him, it’s more than obvious he’s just using your for your body, and he knows that you rely on him and want his company because he’s the only person close to you. He’s using your condition to keep you locked up in a one sided ‘relationship’
2) If you do go this route, you need to make sure he deletes all the photos and anything else you’ve sent him, I’m not trying to be rude but he may be vengeful, and you never know what he’ll do, especially if he has things at his disposal
After you confront him about deleting the photos, you need to be upfront with him and tell him you want to break it off, and give him the reasons. He’s only after your body, he’s pushy when it comes to being physical which conflicts with your morals and religion, and he’s not being what he’s supposed to be for you. Partners are supposed to be a pillar of support, and he’s anything but. He’s hurting your mental state, and on top of your stressful college life, it’s accepting you strong,y, and negatively.
3) I know you said you have various diagnosis and no support system, but this relationship is unhealthier, you need to go out and, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, make new friends who are a good influence and, again, sorry if this sounds harsh, fill the void.
I know you said school was stressful, but if it really comes down to it, throw yourself into your studies, in a healthy way of course. Dedicating the time to your studies, and seeing the rewards you get from that can be fulfilling and rewarding, and help you feel accomplishment to overcome your grieving,
Once you see that you don’t need him, and that what you really need are just friends you can actually give you the time of day and not use you, your quality of life will improve for the better. I know I may be stepping out of line, but if you really need a friend or two I’d be happy to be that for you, and I’m sure plenty other users are open to a new friendship!
I’d be very thankful if these paragraphs even meant or did anything for you! Stay strong, we’re rooting for you!!!ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~
Thank you so much and no you weren't harsh at all matter a fact I would have loved if you were even more harsh so it could knock some sense into me I truly am greatful
i've made it til the end and my response will also be long, but you can skip if you don't feel like it. tbh i'm not the best person to give an advice regarding relationships bc it's easy for me to be emotionally detached from someone. but if i can somehow give you an advice as a senior in life, leave him. i may not know the degree of how hurt you'll be without him or how you'll be after leaving him but from the way i can imagine your relationship with him, it'll hurt you more the longer you hold on to him.
you see, in my opinion, relationships should be where you grow together, stick through decisions together, and become happy together. but from your explanation you sound like you are defending him. sure he was good to you at some points, but honey your feelings are also valid. if you feel like sht while you are with him then leave. he might've been there for you at your lowest but right now it feels like he is pulling you down. he might've been that good guy but as you said, he is aware of your views and your refusals but he chose not to listen so why do you have to look back at how good he was to you before?
in all honesty i read your rant bc i relate to it. i was in a 4 yr relationship with a guy who took all of my firsts despite my refusal but he talked me through all of it and i thought it was okay bc he said so even though it wasn't all good experience. honey, i left him the moment i learned that he was cheating. sure he wasn't involved physically with her but sooner or later he'll probably do so like he did with me.
it was hard. it felt like i had to start from scratch. it felt like i lost a part of me. it felt like i wouldn't be able to move on. but you see, you will, eventually. time does fade memories and feelings.
also,remember what they say about moving on? the hardest step is the very first one, and for you, that is probably leaving him. i'm not saying you should do as i say, i just want you to know that regardless of your choice, leaving or staying with him, will be hard. i hope you become happy regardless of your choice
Leave him. Im sure you will find someone who can accepts you in the future. Forever is a torture if you spend it with wrong person. Don't fall for his words or manipulative tactics if he says no one gonna accepts you except him, that's not true.
You probably thinks he has changed, but what if he's actually a two-faced person that is going after ur body all this time? You can't change him, so leave him. I know it's hard, but there's no other way.
Go to therapy, do a lot of activities or hobbies that can fill your time such as playing game, reading. Or you can try to focus on your studies. Try to make a friends, try to talk to a lot of ppl, it will helps little by little.
I'm sorry for everything youve been through, i hope you can break free from that toxic relationship
I did read your story and I’m sorry you’re going through so much especially with him. I haven’t delt with this dynamic personally but all my close friends have and I know how to comfort/confront them at least. Like recently one of my close friends has ended their situation-ship of two years where they shared a lot of their firsts. It was hard for them and it still is cause tbh you’ll always be somewhat attached to them (firsts) but as everyone does they become memories and past experiences to help build your future ones. Idk if this will be any relation to you sorry if it offends you, but for my friends I always ask them how would they explain to their kids on how their partner treated them or if they would like if their kids would go through what they are dealing with. It usually puts them in perspective on what they shouldn’t be dealing with, cause honestly your partner shouldn’t be putting you through these guilts and hardships.
I leave half way on it but if ur love is falling as well ur mental health then break up with him
Its much better to recover yourself while being yourself than recover with responsibility of someone
Focus on recovering yourself first before you love another
You might end up hurting them or you hurt yourself
In some areas of your message i can relate and had been there too. I won't share some advice since theres alot already but i want to wish you well.
I hope everything goes in a way you are able to heal. That you'll get the support you need and have actual friends who will always be there for you so you won't be lonely nor feel lonely.
Im proud of you for being able to ask for help even in this site
Good luck on your finals and Happy new year!!! Please be happy this 2025! (To everyone as well)
Hello lovely people and thank you for your advice. I have recently just finished my finals exams they were hellish please do wish me luck and do keep me in your prayers. Now I do feel that I owe an update on recent events about what has happened regarding my question. There were alot of grounds that I didn't cover about his mistreatments or his good treatment but I still do believe that this was the correct choice of things considering I left a key aspect out which was that we were in an interfaith relationship. Both of our faiths consider marrying out side of it as blasphemy and believe I've mentioned that we are in a conservative country so we were putting ourselves and families at risk.
I'm ngl I was ready to risk my world and my belief of heaven for him if he had just treated me better. I have also sacrificed colleges, friends, and family relations so I would be able to leave everything I know behind to be with him and it would have been 100% loving choice to make it he had just treated me better.
Just yesterday I decided to initiate the breakup since I just couldn't put up with him anymore. I wanted to wait for my birthday which was coming up in 2 weeks just to see if he would remember or care enough to make it special( speaking of birthdays not once has he thought to throw me an even small gathering of friends let alone a party but was absolutely willing to do so for a coworker of his). Anyways I just couldn't accept him anymore I couldn't accept his advances, I couldn't accept his efforts , his words , his anything I just couldn't believe what ever it is he was trying to do/say.
I really do not know how to word it better or how to get the point across but I just don't trust him anymore to the point where I cannot believe his actions or words are done out of actual love.
Anyways he didn't take to well for me asking for a breakup even though he consistently would ask me if I wanted to break up over the course of last month and maybe even before that. If he knew something was up I do not understand why he didn't attempt to fix it instead of continuing to mistreat me even though around this time I have also tried to accept and trust him but truly his lack of everything has made it damn near impossible for me.
Continuing what happened. He cried he sobbed he begged for another chance I've listed all my issues with our relationship and that I have tried to fix it for the past god knows what where he basically gave me nothing but disappointment in return. I also told him that I'm no longer willing to jeopardize my future my family my anything for him anymore because even the basic thing such as paying attention to me he couldn't/wouldn't do.
That he rather call me needy when all I wanted was just to be loved by him.
I continuously stood my ground and I still do believe that we should break it off and it would never work anymore since I no longer accept him as a future husband and that I'm not longer willing to even sacrificing the tiniest of seconds for him.
He has been going through a tough time since I have decided to withdraw from our relationship but hadn't yet initiated the breakup. I'll call this period the " you are on thin fucking ice period."
He has lost his job due to his dumbassery tbh it was all his fault he has also made the dumb decision to put all his savings in stocks without telling me. Not that he needs my permission but his family has a history with being absolute idiots when it comes to shit like this. And also the country which he currently resides in he doesn't speak it's language as fluently as I do so I usually would help him with translations ,government documents , emails, what ever it is I would always help him when it came to linguistics. So him not knowing what the stocks do or what they say is beyond why the fuck would a person do that ? Anyways after he called me crying telling me what happened since the stock rapidly declined (surprise surprise) he did not listen to my advice even though I told him to wait it out and it would rise again by the end of that specific month. He didn't listen and guess fucking what ? It did rise rapidly again but not before his dumb ass has withdrew his savings after a slight rise leaving him with around 2k loss from stocks and even higher losses due to him using a dumb option he didn't even tell me about and he didn't know what it does.
So he has been going through alot of dumb decisions that has weighed on his mental health. But jesus Christ talking about it out loud just is wild to me. I may just add that this isn't his first rodeo when it comes to iq deficiency there has been plenty of dumb moments out of him which is unexpected since he is usually supposed to be a level headed guy.
So anyways due to his certain circumstances and me finding it a bit unfair that I've been grieving the relationship longer than he has and have clearly seen it as unfit for a while and have also emotionally withdrew from it. We have came to a compromise a 1 week break. The 1 week break isn't for me I am already both feet out the door , but it is for him. It's for him to 1 get used to me not being around 2 sort of pay back to see how horrible it is being ignored by the person u like 3 that he also has time to grieve our inevitable demise such as I had.
After that week is over I'll ask to breakup again because I for certainly do not want this man to be my future husband anymore nor do I want my children to take after him. Wether it be his way of thinking his religious ideology or his mannerisms that seem non existent at sometimes.
And to believe all that was a domino effect of him sending me a reel of a boyfriend giving his girlfriend a jacket( which may I add never ever has he done that for me). Truly has put alot of things in perspective for me it was a huge slap which has woken me up from an extremely delusional dream.
I won't say that I'm not upset and that I am not hurt
I truly and deeply am and as I'm currently writing this my eyes are clouded by an ocean of tears.
But it is truly what's the best for both of us and for our futures. It is clearly apparent that our paths in life and death are complete opposites.
I truly do wish him nothing but the best and I truly am not the best for him nor is he for me.
I'll do continue to pray for him since it's been a part of me for so long but that's the extent of what I am able to offer.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read my absolute bullshit of a sob story and for your kindly words and advice I wish to update you soon with more positive news. Thank you all and goodbye for now
Guys this is website/Manga related I'm very concerned about the ban going on and was wondering if I can read smut Manga/dojin on crunchy role? Since last time I checked I couldn't read or watch anything of that sort.
no- go to a hentai website for smut (like MRM)
Thank you will check that out. ヾ(☆▽☆)
myreadingmanga has a lot of smutty dj's and some yaoi animes mostly based on smut tho lol
Same XD
Hello lovely people and thank you for your advice. I have recently just finished my finals exams they were hellish please do wish me luck and do keep me in your prayers. Now I do feel that I owe an update on recent events about what has happened regarding my question. There were alot of grounds that I didn't cover about his mistreatments or his good treatment but I still do believe that this was the correct choice of things considering I left a key aspect out which was that we were in an interfaith relationship. Both of our faiths consider marrying out side of it as blasphemy and believe I've mentioned that we are in a conservative country so we were putting ourselves and families at risk.
I'm ngl I was ready to risk my world and my belief of heaven for him if he had just treated me better. I have also sacrificed colleges, friends, and family relations so I would be able to leave everything I know behind to be with him and it would have been 100% loving choice to make it he had just treated me better.
Just yesterday I decided to initiate the breakup since I just couldn't put up with him anymore. I wanted to wait for my birthday which was coming up in 2 weeks just to see if he would remember or care enough to make it special( speaking of birthdays not once has he thought to throw me an even small gathering of friends let alone a party but was absolutely willing to do so for a coworker of his). Anyways I just couldn't accept him anymore I couldn't accept his advances, I couldn't accept his efforts , his words , his anything I just couldn't believe what ever it is he was trying to do/say.
I really do not know how to word it better or how to get the point across but I just don't trust him anymore to the point where I cannot believe his actions or words are done out of actual love.
Anyways he didn't take to well for me asking for a breakup even though he consistently would ask me if I wanted to break up over the course of last month and maybe even before that. If he knew something was up I do not understand why he didn't attempt to fix it instead of continuing to mistreat me even though around this time I have also tried to accept and trust him but truly his lack of everything has made it damn near impossible for me.
Continuing what happened. He cried he sobbed he begged for another chance I've listed all my issues with our relationship and that I have tried to fix it for the past god knows what where he basically gave me nothing but disappointment in return. I also told him that I'm no longer willing to jeopardize my future my family my anything for him anymore because even the basic thing such as paying attention to me he couldn't/wouldn't do.
That he rather call me needy when all I wanted was just to be loved by him.
I continuously stood my ground and I still do believe that we should break it off and it would never work anymore since I no longer accept him as a future husband and that I'm not longer willing to even sacrificing the tiniest of seconds for him.
He has been going through a tough time since I have decided to withdraw from our relationship but hadn't yet initiated the breakup. I'll call this period the " you are on thin fucking ice period."
He has lost his job due to his dumbassery tbh it was all his fault he has also made the dumb decision to put all his savings in stocks without telling me. Not that he needs my permission but his family has a history with being absolute idiots when it comes to shit like this. And also the country which he currently resides in he doesn't speak it's language as fluently as I do so I usually would help him with translations ,government documents , emails, what ever it is I would always help him when it came to linguistics. So him not knowing what the stocks do or what they say is beyond why the fuck would a person do that ? Anyways after he called me crying telling me what happened since the stock rapidly declined (surprise surprise) he did not listen to my advice even though I told him to wait it out and it would rise again by the end of that specific month. He didn't listen and guess fucking what ? It did rise rapidly again but not before his dumb ass has withdrew his savings after a slight rise leaving him with around 2k loss from stocks and even higher losses due to him using a dumb option he didn't even tell me about and he didn't know what it does.
So he has been going through alot of dumb decisions that has weighed on his mental health. But jesus Christ talking about it out loud just is wild to me. I may just add that this isn't his first rodeo when it comes to iq deficiency there has been plenty of dumb moments out of him which is unexpected since he is usually supposed to be a level headed guy.
So anyways due to his certain circumstances and me finding it a bit unfair that I've been grieving the relationship longer than he has and have clearly seen it as unfit for a while and have also emotionally withdrew from it. We have came to a compromise a 1 week break. The 1 week break isn't for me I am already both feet out the door , but it is for him. It's for him to 1 get used to me not being around 2 sort of pay back to see how horrible it is being ignored by the person u like 3 that he also has time to grieve our inevitable demise such as I had.
After that week is over I'll ask to breakup again because I for certainly do not want this man to be my future husband anymore nor do I want my children to take after him. Wether it be his way of thinking his religious ideology or his mannerisms that seem non existent at sometimes.
And to believe all that was a domino effect of him sending me a reel of a boyfriend giving his girlfriend a jacket( which may I add never ever has he done that for me). Truly has put alot of things in perspective for me it was a huge slap which has woken me up from an extremely delusional dream.
I won't say that I'm not upset and that I am not hurt
I truly and deeply am and as I'm currently writing this my eyes are clouded by an ocean of tears.
But it is truly what's the best for both of us and for our futures. It is clearly apparent that our paths in life and death are complete opposites.
I truly do wish him nothing but the best and I truly am not the best for him nor is he for me.
I'll do continue to pray for him since it's been a part of me for so long but that's the extent of what I am able to offer.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read my absolute bullshit of a sob story and for your kindly words and advice I wish to update you soon with more positive news. Thank you all and goodbye for now
I'm glad u told him off, he deserves even more for his selfish behaviors I hope y'all break up and I hope ur alright, it's okay to feel heartbroken even if he treated u badly cuz a part of u loved him, stay safe and good luck!!