beta
a lil rant cause i need to get this out of my system (light spoilers of raws included)
.
.
.
.
.
there are many things to love about this adaption, yet i feel disappointed that it just barely scratches the status of "good" for me. first of all, the art and story-telling are great. the story is told in an intriguing manner with these flashbacks and the slow reveal of everything. i love the composition of the individual panels and the carefully chosen details (wrinkles in the face, fat in the fingers being squished when holding hands, nail imprints on the skin after nervously wringing hands). a lot of time and space is spent on panels of fingers tracing skin, hands finding each other for comfort, hands gripping clothes or bed sheets in anguish, or simply lingering on quiet exchanges all without text. characters speak through their eyes and actions so vividly that words aren't needed. this is something you don't see very often in other works of this genre, and i think it's because artists are afraid to use their time and space for something that can feel so trivial. on the contrary though: it makes reading feel so much more intimate and immersive. you can tell someone is putting all their talent and love into crafting this story.
now i wouldn't be me if i didn't have at least one gripe with this story. some of it has to do with silly positions when i know the artist could have done them so much better (can look past that), backgrounds that don't fit the rest of the art style (what's new), some questionable actions of the characters (meh), MC's egghead after he cut his hair (sorry but... lol...), but unfortunately my biggest one for this adaption is the ML himself.
to preface this: i love his younger version to death. he's curteous, curious in a way that is boyish but not too pushy, and somewhat innocent. it was a joy watching him fall in love so genuinely. and even though i spent quite a lot of the later chapters frowning at his older self, seeing the flashback of his younger self throwing an arm out to protect MC and taking the brunt of the impact of the car crash, and seeing him so hurt and desparate after "jiyoung's" death that he tried to take his own life, actually fucking tore my heart out. that "my summer" may as well have pushed me metaphorically off the cliff myself.
i don't think older ML is the worst guy in yaoi exsitence. he shows that he can be considerate and genuinely nice, but he's also raised a handful red flags in this story. i'll start with the biggest flag because it burned itself into my mind so strongly that my mind keeps coming back to it on its own every now and then. it ruined a big part of their relationship progression for me. it's the chapter 45/46 altercation where ML corners MC, holds him in place until it hurts, kisses and feels him up like a man possessed (w/o consent or explanation mind you) and ends this attack with the words "you stay home, i'll go crazy if anyone so much as brushes up against you". that was a plain assault and the memory of it sticks out like a sore thumb in my brain. he had to be shoved (not the first time he had to be shoved away) to be stopped because he wouldn't listen. he never apologized for it, because (i suppose) it was never meant to be an action that warranted apologizing. the groundwork for that has been laid out in the chapters before. all throughout the post-timeskip story ML's been made out to be a little too... "possessive": he takes that stranger's business card out of MC's hand and cumples it, he says things like "if you mistake me for some other asshole one more time, i'm gonna find out how far you took it with him" / "don't let anyone touch you like that" / "i always want to know where you are and what you're doing" and the aforementioned "stay home today", he also calls MC “boyfriend” and moves them into the same room without talking about it with MC first. it's not great behavior but it's never seriously addressed. MC makes one attempt to tell ML "i'm not something that you can own" but it did literally nothing in hindsight. the way this is being handled instead (admiration of hickeys & blushing after being assaulted, ignoring the behavior completely) screams typical romanticized possessiveness/SA to me.
another scene that made me frown was the drunk "kiss me" moment that essentially lead to said altercation the next morning. ML says this to drunk MC: "i can't promise not to do anything just because you're drunk". saying this to a person that is obviously out of their mind with the only incentive being "kiss me" is insane. saying "i can't promise not to do anything" in this situation implies that he'd willingly put his own wants and needs first and make himself a criminal. and he said that BEFORE MC "consented" (as far as a drunk person can consent).
don't even let me get started on the "what else do i have to get rid of so that you'll sleep quietly next to me?" possessive and co-dependent much?
you could argue that ML's "messed up" as he says himself because of what he went through in the past, but then i'd like the story to pick up on this and ADDRESS it properly. show us that he wants to and will better himself; that he no longer tries to "own" MC and that he's truly sorry for assaulting him out of some pseudo deep-rooted fear of losing him (again). i'm just so disappointed that this ML was sooooooo very close to becoming actually GOOD and well-rounded...