blah's Things

i can't believe i'm resorting to confessing to a pirating website centered around gay sex but. what do you do when you don't see a future for yourself?

i was an art major four years ago. my depression was a factor in my breaking off my relationships with my best friends, dropping out of college, and moving back home. i say to people that it was because of covid, but really i didn't have the confidence to survive in the industry. i didn't have the motivation to get better because i believed i was the best artist in high school. in college i quickly learned i wasn't.

my dad got me a job in data entry. i stayed there for a few years before deciding to quit. before i could the same company offered me a position in the accounting department because they needed some extra hands. the pay was better so i accepted. i've been in this position for another two years, i decided to go back to school for accounting to finally get a degree but to be honest, i fucking hate accounting. math and science were my worst classes in high school, and now i'm sitting on my ass everyday looking at numbers, reports, and equations.

i took up writing again. it was a hobby of mine since high school. i won a national award for one of my memoirs in my senior year. but i no longer have the attention span to read books in order to improve my writing because i'm stuck at a job and in class working and studying for something i don't want to do. i'm wasting money to get a degree that i don't want. i'm thankful for even having a job but this company seems like it's on its last legs and i don't have the confidence of doing well in another accounting position at another company. should i even continue being an accountant? should i commit to becoming a writer despite my lack of skills and experience to become one? my life wasn't supposed to be this way.