Rat's Things

I've been pretty interested in reading some English books recently (more specifically franz kafka) but since I'm not English, I don't live in amercia or UK and barely anyone here speaks English I have no idea where to find English books, I've tried Google maps but all of them are just local libraries who only contain books in my native language, not to mention that almost every Instagram seller or others from other sites and apps that are in my country only sell those romance booktok books (like Colleen hoover etc) even when it comes to other sites like amazon or wtv they don't ship stuff here, plus I can't even buy stuff online because most cards here don't have a visa either
I've literally run out of options, please help
I'll private message anyone who wants to know my country if they think they have any idea or can help

It's been my lifelong dream to join the military and go to an academy, But everybody has been telling me (even my parents) that the minimum required hight is 167cm and I'm 155cm (I'm 16) my sister is also pretty short (shes 21) so there's not much hope for me to have a growth spurt, any solutions? (I've tried the usual ones like drinking milk, exercising etc)

I've just gotten a new haircut and it was completely butchered, like it's not even remotely close and I can't even begin to fix it because the original haircut that i wanted was super short but she somehow managed to make it even shorter, I don't know what to do, I have exams and stuff but I cant even stand the thought of going out no matter how hard I try, even with my family's encouragements I can't bring myself to take a step outside, it's impossible
I've also thought about just covering my hair but that's against school policy/dress code so I'll be asked to take it off either way, even if I wanted to wear a wig or something not only will people know but there's also practically 0 places to buy good quality wigs (we don't/can't make online transactions here) what do I do?

I can't live in a society anymore, I can't stand it, there has been barely any problems happening around me, I have friends, I have my family, and most of my problems are pretty minor, but I feel so stressed? I can't stay still, I can't stay calm, I've been wanting to hide in small dark places more so than usual, I've been wanting to run away, but from what? There is nothing to run away from, except that im running away from everything, none of it has been causing me harm so what is happening to me? I don't want to be around anyone anymore, I can't live like this, I can't do this, I'm not fit for this, I'm not fit for this life or society, how come I'm sitting in my room, alone, safe, no problems to deal with, and nothing to stress me out except exams or something along the lines of that yet I'm still so restless? I want to leave my body behind, and just go, go where? I dunno, I just, I can't anymore, back then I had a reason for all of this, had a reason for feeling like this, but what's my excuse now? I'm living a life most people would want, so why? Why can't I live? I want to be normal, please, I want to live like everyone else, why do I have to have these thoughts plaguing me all day? I look at other people and I envy them, I feel empty when they envy me, you can have all of it, just rid me of this, please, I'm suffocating, I want to carve my own heart out of my chest, I need something to live for, I have nothing to live for, all of it holds no value to me, I'm not attached to anything, I want to be attached to something, someone, anything, anyone, I can't do this anymore, why do people live? Life is so meaningless, what is there to live for? I want to know, living is such a burden
I feel like I'm stuck in a box, am I such an oddity? So different from other people? I know they all have their porblems, but how do they deal with them? I want to know, I have to know how to get rid of it, numb it Why am typing all of this? I'm hoping to show it to someone, I need an outside opinion I'm desperate for it, I need to get it off my chest, I want to be told what to do, I'm so lost
I turned 16 yesterday, I don't feel anything
I want to be happy, why am I so miserable, I thought after all that has happened I could go back to a normal life, so why is it happening again, why am I thinking like this again? God someone guide me, anyone