Rat's Things

I can't live in a society anymore, I can't stand it, there has been barely any problems happening around me, I have friends, I have my family, and most of my problems are pretty minor, but I feel so stressed? I can't stay still, I can't stay calm, I've been wanting to hide in small dark places more so than usual, I've been wanting to run away, but from what? There is nothing to run away from, except that im running away from everything, none of it has been causing me harm so what is happening to me? I don't want to be around anyone anymore, I can't live like this, I can't do this, I'm not fit for this, I'm not fit for this life or society, how come I'm sitting in my room, alone, safe, no problems to deal with, and nothing to stress me out except exams or something along the lines of that yet I'm still so restless? I want to leave my body behind, and just go, go where? I dunno, I just, I can't anymore, back then I had a reason for all of this, had a reason for feeling like this, but what's my excuse now? I'm living a life most people would want, so why? Why can't I live? I want to be normal, please, I want to live like everyone else, why do I have to have these thoughts plaguing me all day? I look at other people and I envy them, I feel empty when they envy me, you can have all of it, just rid me of this, please, I'm suffocating, I want to carve my own heart out of my chest, I need something to live for, I have nothing to live for, all of it holds no value to me, I'm not attached to anything, I want to be attached to something, someone, anything, anyone, I can't do this anymore, why do people live? Life is so meaningless, what is there to live for? I want to know, living is such a burden
I feel like I'm stuck in a box, am I such an oddity? So different from other people? I know they all have their porblems, but how do they deal with them? I want to know, I have to know how to get rid of it, numb it Why am typing all of this? I'm hoping to show it to someone, I need an outside opinion I'm desperate for it, I need to get it off my chest, I want to be told what to do, I'm so lost
I turned 16 yesterday, I don't feel anything
I want to be happy, why am I so miserable, I thought after all that has happened I could go back to a normal life, so why is it happening again, why am I thinking like this again? God someone guide me, anyone