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QUESTIONS for myself (to be answered by anyone):
—Why did MC not answer when ML asked if he loved him? From CH 49 (Obviously answer is related to MC’s trauma he doesn’t realize and probably out of guilt.)
—Does MC really love the other professor? Based off everything I read; he has kept the other professor’s photos in a book, but he is also frustrated with the prof. Is it love or is it because he looks like his father?
—Does MC really love ML? Or is it a scene played out from his traumatic child hood where he might’ve said he loves his father, just so his father would praise and love him.
—How come MC says he loves ML in CH 52 as ML left, but not answer him back in CH 49. (Kinda rhetoric cause I might know why.)
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When I saw MC cheating on the ML. I was shocked as hell, disgusted, horrified, and most of all, sad for ML who just wanted love and was exploited endlessly until nearly end of season two. I think I’m shocked and sad about all characters behavior and thoughts.
I also related with him on a level where ML made himself watch MC and the other professor HAVE SEX, cuckolding but very dark. I enjoy cuckolding not because I like it, but because it brings me pain and misery in a way. I get sad and I don’t know why I do this to myself, I was diagnosed with OCD symptoms by psychologist, and OCD medically by psychiatrist.
ML became self destructive even though he knew this wasn’t right. He wanted to see. He had to, he felt the need to! It was horrible to watch all that. But I also know that I do the same, I watch cuckolding stuff even though I hurt.
As for MC. He enabled a lot of ML’s behavior, even after being raped. The chapters nearing the end of S2 were shock worthy and disgusting. I do not like him as a partner, but I do sympathize with him as a human being. It seems to me, based off his back story (brief), he’s looking for his father in the other professor. And they look alike as well, pretty similar, the hair style and eyes. It doesn’t seem like he’s purely looking at both of the ML(s).
In the backstory, it looked like MC was SA’ed by his father fully off panel. The MC was traumatized clearly but hasn’t realized, and he became self-destructive. This isn’t real BDSM, my friends, this is pure self-destructive behavior that’s in an abusive cycle.
ML has become worse off too. I’m horrified and saddened by the recent chapters. What has this come to?
I don’t justify, nor do I coddle MC. But I do hope everyone tries to understand why he is like this, understanding as the bare minimum does not equate to justifying. We all will never not do wrong.
The hurt person hurt another, and that another hurt that same person. It would’ve been a cycle of pain and misery had ML not ended things and left.
I think MC thought ML would accept him even after this big situation. But when he realized ML is leaving, he cried as if he lost something important and at the end, he looks practically lifeless. I honestly hope he grovels, yes I feel sorry, but he’s still a cheater (even before he got raped by the other dude).
And I literally have to go to therapy because of the cheating scenes. I couldn’t breathe, I felt disgusted and sobbed. How can a human being do this to another? How can you hurt their heart? I guess that’s what we do as human beings. Nobody is flawless beings, there is no forever tranquility.
When I saw the MC’s back story, I felt less hurt because I realized he’s just a human being who’s been hurt, and ended up hurting another. I don’t justify what he did, I don’t justify what ML, certainly not what the other professor did!
But I’ll always feel sorry for all of the main leads (except the other professor, he exploited MC as well and more). I won’t justify MC’s cheating, again, and I can’t like him again until there’s a satisfying redemption with regret ARC. It’s just what I hope to see.
I don’t blame the author. Anyone who reads this, especially seeing the discretion notes, you have no one else to blame but yourself. But I also hope nobody is insensitive by invalidating how one reader or more feels. This may be fiction, but it’s realistic when it comes to trauma and victims of rape/SA.
There is one quote I remember from a Chinese person:
“There are times when there are things that we can’t change, but it has completely changed us instead.”
—This goes out to MC and ML. If you read, you’d understand. They were once happy and innocent.