Dr. Killgood's Things

My friend and I are planning to watch some kdrama the next time we meet. She likes kdramas with romance as the Main plot. But I dont know where to even look. They dont have to be good, I just need some ideas if thats okay

What am I supposed to do about this? I'm pretty sure, no I'm positive that everyone hates me. And if they dont hate me, they sure dont like me. This isnt some delusion, its been this way my entire life. From elementary school and even now in college, I'm always alone. Nobody has ever gone out of their way to talk to me, to spend time with me unless I go out of my way to talk to them. When I was by myself with no intention of talking to others, I was alone. I'm a very nosy person and I hate to admit I have a habit of bringing myself into conversations that people have. Thats probably because nobody will talk to me otherwise. They'll often make it obvious that I'm interrupting, and sometimes tell me to shut up. Even when they arent annoyed with me, after a short while it feels like I'm interrupting and I just leave them alone. People around me talk about their friend groups, best friends and lovers/crushes, and I dont even have friends. The few I have seem to like other people more than me. I've never had a friend group, I've never had a friend with whom I could spend all my time with, tell them anything thats on my mind, and trust them wholeheartedly. People around me have others they spend time with all the time, I dont have anybody. Just because most people are nice to me doesnt make me feel better. They are nice but they treat me coldly. I know they dont enjoy my company. The way they look at me I can only imagine how disgusted they feel at the sight of me. Ever since elementary school I knew I was so different from other people, and I'm not saying it to sound quirky. I dont understand other people. I cant relate to almost anything anyone talks about, I dont understand their feelings at all. Relationships are something people like to talk about a lot, even kids. So I pretended, even deluded myself into thinking I had crushes just because I had a positive opinion about another person when I never and even now still dont have a clue what it feels like to be in love with somebody. Even when I tried to fit in, it didnt help me very much. I'm pretty good in school, and I always liked to help people with anything school related. Partly because I was happy to, but also because I want people to like me. It didnt do shit. Now some people only come to me when they need help with school, not that I refuse to help them. I cant pretend that I like being alone. I am okay with it, but I dont like being replacable. I'm pretty sure my highschool class wouldnt have felt any differently if I was never there to begin with. No matter how many people like to say "just stop caring about what people think about you", I cant do that. I do care, humans are social creatures. Do you expect me to spend the rest of my life like this? Please help me. What am I supposed to do? How can I feel better?

I have something extremely important coming up, and if it goes wrong because my mom cant stop being delusional, my life will be over. If I have to listen to my mom berate me for 3 hours again, I'll actually commit suicide. The only thing I can stomach doing is starving myself, but I have a problem. I could only do it for 2 days before I impulsively started binge-eating. But I want to do it for real this time, no excuses. How can I starve myself without ever taking a break for weeks at a time? I dont want to hear anyone say that I shouldnt starve myself because its bad for me. I'm doing it because its bad for me. Not a Single "please dont kill yourself" will convince me. I cant ask this anywere else. I dont want to go to therapy, I need help to starve myself.

I took a break for at least an hour, and when I come back, its still going. I tried to be nice, but what the fuck are you guys doing. Why do you need to prove something to online strangers you dont even know?? And who in their right mind posts a video of the alleged rape victim on the internet?? If you had any sympathy for rape victims, you'd know how horrible it would feel to be seen naked, let alone during the incident. I dont give a rats ass if you are lying or not, get off your phone and touch some grass. I'm saying this in the most respectful way possible, just stop it already. If I come back tommorrow and we still arent done, I'll unironically become the joker

Whats your favourite musical genre and which artist/band from that genre do you like the most? If you want to, you can also share songs you like.
My favourite genres are rock (Nirvana), metal (Metallica, Arch Enemy, Yousei Teikoku) and blues (Nina Simone).
I think it wouldnt be such a bad idea to check out something different