I LOVE MEN

just fucking read it. the author's logic isn't logic-ing so well in the english translation, hence why it borderlines insanity, but an acceptable explanation for soohyun's behavior and thought process is presented in the later chapters. you won't get to that point if you're stuck before the 60s tho.

it's hard to read because a human being's deepest, most rawest thoughts are brought to the surface, which calls for an unsightly and strange first-time reading experience. and we see this unadulterated form of insecurity arise and spiral in someone who doesn't have an outlet to address his inferiority complex. when soohyun finally has some space to address his own feelings, we see that his outlook changes rather easily. but during high school, it's like he's barely managing to keep his boat afloat, which is why he is obsessed with standing above eunsung. He wants to be recognized and acknowledged for his efforts.

on another note, I think the reason why soohyun's obsession with eunsung's downfall is so odd is because of the way it's portrayed. I think most humans will quietly grumble and take slight jabs at others who tend to excel. most people will take the easy route and only insult others when it's convenient for them. This is more realistic and relatable to many people. This is a more "normal" or "expected" behavior from the average person. However, when you look at soohyun, mofo is relishing in the idea of watching eunsung suffer to an extreme. It's like he would take a shower in eunsung's tears. This portrayal of a schadenfreude is not realistic and therefore not an experience or emotion that the average reader can relate to, which is why it's an alienating experience to read about the internal turmoil going on in soohyun's head lmfao. I'm p sure the people who really really really are obsessed with the misfortune of others are a very rare case. Later, we find out that it's a half truth; the idea of wanting to be acknowledged is misinterpreted as wanting eunsung to fail. That's because if you can't have the former, then the latter is the easier option to covet. And we see it as the story comes to an end: soohyun gets eunsung's attention AND love to which he realizes he was foolish for focusing on the wrong outlook this entire time.

im ngl tho, I had a hard time understanding how thought a went to thought b and, thus, influenced the tidal wave of emotions sweeping through soohyun's core. I feel like the logic was lost in translation or the author just couldn't communicate their thought process very well. but after rereading a couple of times, I came up with the analysis above. Just fucking read it and be done with it tho. It's quite good.

did i not tell u guys that u were not ready for the hyejin and lala development...??