Consent really gets me going, ya know? I swear when they give consent I just combust
How I rate stuff:
5 Stars means it’s 100% worth reading. 4 stars means it’s good for 1 read but mostly nothing new or interesting. That or I’m actively reading it and wanna wait to give it 5. Anything less ain’t worth it tbh.
If I actually bothered to tag it that means YOU HAVE TO READ IT. YOU HAVE TOOOOOO. Except the Dropped tag. Duh
Just read it start to finish for the first time and this was a ride and a half. Honestly I wish they gave more time to the MC and ML being friends or moving on outside of each other cause that’s what I feel like they really needed tbh.
Also idk if people need more empathy or to take a psych course cause conditioning in humans can happen extremely easily with the more time has passed and the psychological mind fuck that black haired bitch did to the MC for nearly a decade would NOT be easily covered up with love and affection and that’s the cold hard truth. Love the ML, SUCH an angel but the red flags were there. He should’ve socked the BHB and dragged that traumatized boy STRAIGHT to YEARSSSS of therapy, NOT his bed Before even getting with the ML, the MC needed years of therapy to overtake that conditioning which his current situation at that moment couldn’t produce. There was simply too much going on to even attempt to fix it with no time to do it, so, all that crashing and burning was needed. Everything could FINALLY come to a halt and he could finally become mentally stable and independent. No ML or BHB.
It’s not an excuse nor a plea to like him but an explanation as to why I think it’s unfair to group him in with the BHB(Gag me with a spoon). He was betrayed, traumatized, and conditioned to think so little of himself he’d ALWAYS go back to the one that will not be named. He was sexually, mentally, and physically abused for SEVEN YEARS. Him going back to the BHB was enviable given his state of mind and being blackmailed to continue after regretting it the first time is NOT his fault. No matter how cute they are not (love them 4 reals), the ML and MC meeting for the first time was doomed to fail from the start until the MC got the help he needed
Imma add on that the ML could’ve also just RAN (red flashing billboard) cause I feel like people will take that part as me blaming him, which I’m not. He was just unfortunately in the middle of the biggest soap opera like ever (poor baby)
Even from the start I could understand the mc(not that I have ever had such an episode) but I did put it on hold during the dramas(like ch75 or so) because I can't take the anxiety and suspense(I read a movies synopsis before watching it). And this felt quite realistic that I couldn't complain. Cheatings happen(for the wrong reasons) and people can change(but not quite). Not everyone is perfect. And this story did feel like the annoyingly toxic stories out there. The uke was kind of a damsel in distress but he knew what his problem was at first but couldn't help it. But he came through it on his own afterwards and the toxic seme remains toxic the good seme remains good(to some extend).
MC was definitely a damsel who needed someone to intervene but was realistically saved. He saved himself unlike these other BLs where all it takes is a few good moments to cover up YEARS of trauma (cause looking back it made no sense but I still ate it up anyway).
I had more to say and accidentally pressed post-
So like I was saying, you’re totally right abt him not being able to help it. Trauma doesn’t go away that easily compared to how these other mangas portray which is where I think a lot of people are getting the “he’s just as bad as the one who traumatized him” argument from. It took years of him taking the initiative himself with push from the guilt he felt for how he treated the ML and tried to atone without forcing the ML to go along with it.
I especially LOVE the fact the ML started trying to get back together first instead of the MC bc of this!!! He still loved him but felt guilty ever after he got better and didn’t wanna force his feeling onto the ML. So good(づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ
I also made it short bc I had class...
And as we were both saying, the mc DID cheat on the first seme(for plot point and for the main couple to be together, it shouldn't be much of an issue and given the first guy was toxic af) and he felt too conflicted abt his feelings for the second guy as well as the first guy(obviously he loved the first one and as his feelings for the second guy grew, he became aware of his own toxic situation) and chose to remain with the first guy bc of his manipulation/gaslighting and ended up cheating on the second guy. And then afterwards he was soooo sure of his own welllbeing that he chose his health and happiness above both of them(and he couldn't go towards the ML bc of his guilt).
The thing I understand and empathize with the mc is, the way he chose to avoid both the guys.. bc I'm the type of person who tends to run away from my problems but still tends to agonize over whether I did right or not(sometimes its right, sometimes wrong).
And one more thing I like about the ML is that he is understanding and he's mostly a nice guy and not "some guy" with a big dick(AND he gave chance to the uke several times bc he loves the mc and NOT bc he is pushover). He does have a character and so does the uke and the toxic one. They were not 2D or changed their preferences/traits/character in 1 chapter. There was genuine character development. Which is rarer to see(sadly).