EshaChauhan's Things

I don't understand if my parents are toxic or not. I want listen to your side of story too and what you think about this.
Due to lock town I m not able to go to psychiatrist to confirm that I have BDP or not. In the past 3 months, I came to conclusion that I might have developed the symptoms because of my parents.
Here is the description of my parents.
My father is a army man, super strict. He was always a man whom me & my sibling feared, specially my elder brother because my father beats us too much and somewhat verbal abuse comes too. I vaguely remember that once he put a iron press on my foot. And somewhat verbal abuse too. He still try to slap me (I m 19 tho). I also heard from my mother that my father used to do domestic violence in his early age of marriage.
Now as of my mother, she is a narrow minded, illiterate, believer of male dominance type of person. When I was like 8 to 10 years old, my mother used to use inappropriate language towards me and whenever she suspect that I am at fault, she used to call me like "bitch, come here", I was so devastated because of this that I started to think I should change my name to bitch. And actually I do use bitch in my some of usernames. There is one more terms she used to say whenever she felt like that I am not intelligent enough ( altho it's in my native language but I will give u meaning of it) " that my mind is made of cow poop". With Verb abuse there was a physical pain accompanying with it. I don't even remember how many domestic items I been beaten with. Most items were : viper, broom, utensils. Worst of all is that my mother always sides with my brother & I can't hate my brother because he is the only one in my whole family I actually care about.
I actually have tried to do suicide 2 times but didn't do it because of my brother & a person I hold dear very very much. I have decided to leave my family in 2yr & propose that person.