What is it about abuse and toxic relationships that people find sexy to read and watch? Why is it the number one utilized trope in most genres across the board, that continues to gather audiences from all ages and backgrounds?
Because readers find conflicts intriguing. We like seeing characters being challenged to overcome a situation (which may or may not be resolved). Most fiction is based on some element of conflict, all of which span every genres of manga:
man vs. man
man vs. self
man vs. society
man vs. supernatural
man vs. tech/machinery
Honestly fluff is so boring. Like for 80 chapters all the uke and seme do is UWU each other, not even a fukin kiss. Blush here, Blush there…. UGHHHH So boring. I just want the Seme to pound the Uke so hard till he starts bleeding But Nope nope nope NOT in fluffy Mangas!!! That is the reason why I love hardcore and mangas with fuked up caracters.
I think in this case, the person is asking more why so many people gloss over toxicity and problematic relationships in vast majority of yaoi stories. A conflict/climax is needed in almost every story to keep interest flowing and have readers want to find out more. But in many cases of yaoi stories, the toxicity in the relationship is actually not even used as a conflict at all, in fact it always gets swept over as nothing, or a slight little "misunderstanding" between the two characters, when in reality it's HUGE problems such as non-consensual sex, rape, verbal and/or physical abuse. These types of situations aren't regarded as "conflicts" in these stories, they always get glossed over as "it was just a moment of jealousy", or "it's cause of his tragic past". It gives young readers this idea that if a man does or has any of these toxic characteristics, it's actually because he "loves you", and that right there, is a big problem in society because men or women won't leave their toxic partner since there's the thought that "he/she is only doing this cause they love me".
Things like these shouldn't be overlooked, but the reality is that they almost always are, and authors and also readers almost always refuse to acknowledge in fact just how toxic the relationship actually is, because, like most comments above said, most people are only reading for the sex.
The love-hate trope differs from toxic/abusive relationships. The person is questioning why people overlook yaoi stories where relationships involve things like non-consensual sex, rape, verbal and/or physical abuse.
I love the hate-to-love trope, it's my personal favourite, but just because the two characters hate each other, doesn't excuse for non-consensual sex, or rape, there's absolutely no excuse that justifies any of those actions, but in vast majority of yaoi stories, that's exactly what happens, and the author and readers refuse to acknowledge how wrong those actions are, and it gets glossed over with a couple exhcnages of "I love yous".
Why couldn’t they simply just lick each others wounds so to speak. No we have to have he’s a sad idiot puppy yes that definitely excuses assaulting the guy who simply was being nice to you out of shared heartache. I’m exhausted it’s literally the first fucking chapter.