Willow's Things

We all know that BL comics have some of the most despicable tattoos
But in my opinion, Daiki from Yakuza in Love is the worst one
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What's the one thing y'all love when you're reading/watching romance but you're too shy to talk about it? I'll go first:
Every time a character adds "my" before their lover's name I giggle like a teenager. Idk I don't even like obsessive behaviour, but this one is an exception hehe

I'm a freelancer and I don't go to school
I spend most of my days at home and I don't have any outdoor hobbies
Are we just supposed to stick to our old friends? How do y'all do it?
I haven't tried to make any friends since before COVID started and I've forgotten how I'm supposed to do it

I (woman, 25) liked this girl who was in a group chat with me for a year. I asked her out and she said yes.
But before we started anything, I asked her some basic stuff like how she wanted to be treated or what makes her uncomfortable and stuff like that. I learned that she's a virgin and that she wants to take it slow and she also told me about her insecurities. She said she was in a relationship before and the other woman dumped her without giving her a reason so she doesn't want to experience that again. And I said that I'd try my best to be as honest and as transparent as possible with her.
So a couple of months passed and everything was fine so far. I tried my best to treat her with respect and kindly. She also kept telling me how happy she is with me and how much she misses me when we're not together.
I invited her to my house for a couple of days. On the first night I made her a fire on my rooftop and we had a couple of drinks and I roasted some meat and marshmallows for her on that fire. We also watched movies and played boardgames. On the second night I thought it's okay if I take a step forward because we were both sober and she looked like she was enjoying herself. I set the mood and we talked a little and I started kissing her a little here and there while testing the water to see if she's okay if I keep going. I just wanted to give her a good time. As I was slowly going down on her she called my name and I froze because she was shaking and I thought she's nervous. I asked if I'm going too fast and she didn't say anything and just held me tight so I didn't go any further, just cuddled a little and went to sleep. Next day I sent her home and she said that she had a good time at my house, and that she misses me already and stuff like that. But after a week or so she started avoiding my texts and telling me she's too busy to meet me. I asked a few times if something is troubling her and if I could help her with anything, but she said everything is fine. And after about three weeks she told me that she wants to break up with me and that I'm not allowed to ask anything or try to fix things. And I said okay and thanked her for her time.
It's been a couple of months now and I've been thinking so hard about what happened and what I did wrong. I did a looot I mean a LOT of self reflecting, and the only thing I found was THAT one time. I realised that she didn't actually tell me to stop and she was just calling my name, and I ruined her first time because of nothing.

Sooo... Have I made a huge mistake? It was my first time taking the lead with a virgin and I can't stop myself from feeling guilty

Sorry if it's too long (￣∇￣")

I've been pretty good at bottling it all up and showing the resting bitch face 24/7 since I was a child. I kinda just observe and judge and pass all the time without saying a word. And I kinda feel safe that way, but it's getting to a point that I feel I might physically explode. I work like 10 to 12 hours a day, and I have trouble sleeping so I spend my remaining time reading comics and watching shit. And sometimes I don't speak for so long that my throat starts to hurt, and when I do speak it's mostly me talking to my cat in the silly voice. It's like the person inside me is fading away day after day and one day I'll be an empty shell. What would you do if you were me?