Topic: My mindset (?)
So boom, I just finished my homework right? And while I was doing it, I was remembering a conversation I had with an ex friend a while back.
Basically she said I was weird and insensitive with how I handle certain situations and really my whole life in general (which is why we don't talk now). And now that I'm thinking about it I've never really thought of how she came to that conclusion. So I thought I'd just Yap about it here and get it off my chest.
First, I don't like being hung up on things I know I can't change. For example, I'm poor? Well shit, guess I'm poor. My pants ripped and I didn't bring a spare? Okay, guess everyone knows what color my panties are. My five year situationship just ended? Not much I can do, he doesn't like me anymore.
Also I don't like letting myself get upset y'know? Not saying I don't cry and get mad it's just when I do, I don't let it last long. So if someone where to just insult me badly or I got into a bad argument, after about an hour I'm already letting it go and if they aren't ready to I just leave them alone until they get over it and I'm not going to go out of my way to make you feel better.
I also don't like acting like I'm this perfect person y'know? Like I'm probably the biggest hypocrite I know. Like yes, I just laughed at the kid falling and busting her lip and yes I just called this person a dumbass bitch even though they did nothing wrong to me and I think I'm better than a lot of people for no reason. I literally don't care, I get it's not the right thing to do or whatever but people do much worse than me.
and I refuse to say sorry if I don't mean it or really anything at all if I don't mean it. I'm literally always going to say what I'm feeling, fuck how you feel about it. And I guess that's probably what people don't like about me.
Just wanna know tho, am I really that bad lmao?
Yap session: Concluded.
Just realized I quite literally have no one in my life to talk to about this, so I guess I'm going to just put it here because I'm just going to feel shitter if I don't say anything.
This is also question for all the older siblings out there. Is it just my mom that treats me like this or is this a universal experience for all older siblings? Especially sisters.
So recently I've been wanting to take my hair down, it was a hairstyle I asked for but I'm tired of it now and I don't really like how it was done in the first place. But the thing is, I only mentioned taking it down one time, I already knew not to push it because I never really know what'll make my mom mad.
This morning, I went to the living room, just to say good morning. I was in a good mood and everything, never mentioned my hair. Then my mom starts playing with my hair, like styling it and stuff. And I gently said something barely even mentioning wanting to take it down.
And I guess I should've just shut my mouth because then my God mother (barely consider her that), starts going off on me. Asking me what I'll do after I take it down.
For some context, literally the only thing I can't do is my hair. I can cook, I can clean, I'm good with kids and my siblings and I'm pretty independent overall. It's the only thing I can't do. She always brings that up when she's irritated with me.
So then my mom joins her right, and they start going off at me. Saying I'm too old not to know how to do my hair (I'm 15 but going on 16 in a few months.). And it's not like I don't know that. I feel stupid enough not knowing how to do it.
So now I start trying to backtrack and try explaining that I don't care all that much really. But that made them more upset at me? So upset that the scolding quite literally went to straight up insulting and humiliating me.
For example: Calling me a stud (Something classmates have been calling me that has been bothering me), dumb and stupid, ungrateful. Saying I'm acting like I'm 4.
And when I started crying, they told me to look at them while they talk (They weren't talking, they were actually yelling at me, loud enough to wake my siblings). They knew they hurt my feelings and just kept going and going.
And this isn't the first time either, they always do things like this to me and just me. My siblings get away with shit I can only dream of.
So I just want to know is this normal? Am I doing too much? I just don't understand why it's always me being treated like this just because I'm older.
I spend most of my free time falling in love with fictionalmen who don't even exist. Webtoons & BLs are basically my personality at this point, and honestly, I’m not even mad about it, I laugh, I cry, and sometimes I question mylife choices at 3 AM when I’m still scrolling for ‘just one more chapter.’ Reality could never even compete with thechaos and romance of these storie... so here I am, happilyliving in 2D worlds.
Y'all what's the name of the one Omega on Omega manhwa?
I really can't remember anything about it but like the top omega was giving the bottom one pills and it was like, unrequited love at the start?
Topic: Gynecologist
Okay so boom, while I was in class right, I was thinking of future job options. And of course being a coochie doctor came to my mind (Gynecologist). But then it occurred to me that men also want this job.
And to me, that's just plain weird. Like I really don't care that much about the fact you great Grammy died from coochie cancer and that you just want to help women. I promise you bro, there's better jobs out there.
I mean be serious, how can I trust you to tell me anything about a body part you DONT fucking have? Like past everything that you learn in those books in college or whatever, what do they actually know about coochies? Fucking nothing I bet.
I just feel like being a coochie doctor is one of those jobs that only women should have (Along with other ones but y'all ain't ready for that).
Anyways just was just a quick little thought I had and wanted to put out before I took a very long nap
Yap session: concluded
Topic: Am I really wrong
Chat be real with me, am I wrong for putting hands on my sister? Like actually physically harming her because she pissed me off.
For context about my sister, she is the baby of our family and she's a very unaware selfish and just overly angry person. She literally will walk in a room full of cheerful people and find a way to ruin everyone's day just because she's upset. She's always yelling and being disrespectful, like it gets to a point right?
But the thing is, my mom is always taking her side one way or another. Sure she'll yell at her if she's yelling about nothing (which is almost everyday) but it's never nothing serious you know? That's as far as it goes.
But today I actually managed to have a good day of school, literally I thought nothing could ruin my mood. Then my sister came in, first wearing a hoodie she isn't supposed to be wearing and getting upset when she's told not to wear it anymore. Then even more pissed when she couldn't move her bed around like we didn't have people working on the air conditioning, then when I'm trying to tell her to just calm down she tells ME to shut up. Then I realized she literally had all of my new clothes on that I just got (To the fucking underwear on her ass). But even then, I was going to let it go right?
Then while I'm walking away, she tells me to shut up again with a little too much disrespect in her voice. So I come back, grabbed her shoes, threw them to the ground. Then well, grabbed her by the hair and hit her in the face a couple of times.
And like always, my mom only got mad at me and said next time I hit her she's going to hit me. But like damn, she constantly gets away with the shit but I'm always in the wrong? Like I can't get a pass at all?
So like be dead serious, am I the issue and just not realizing it?
Topic: Insecure people
Now I know the topic is crazy, but y'all have to hear out. Especially because usually I make these rants late at night but this shit actually just fried me so bad, I HAVE to speak on it.
Being friends or just trying to comfort an insecure person, is fucking hell. Especially when they really don't want the help, or fuck it, they don't know what they want in general but they won't shut up about it.
For example: Calling themselves ugly in front of you and when you tell them they aren't (regardless if they are or not), they start talking about how negative positivity is ruining the world.
Like bitch what? Would you rather me Agree and tell you you're the ugliest thing I've seen all day? Because I promise you I'm tempted. And then they swear on everyone's soul that their being misunderstood. Like no girl, you actually just don't want my comfort you just want to yap my ear off about your insecurities and you want me to just listen even though it's hard to listen to.
Like, I'm sorry I don't want to hear every bad thing you think about yourself? I'm just trying to have a normal conversation with you, y'know, like normal friends do? I'm not your fucking therapist or anything. And it's even worse when they just say it out of nowhere, like at LEAST give me a warning.
So if you're one of these please understand you're MAD annoying to talk to, like actually. Even if the people around you say otherwise. Trying being considerate and shutting your mouth!
Yap session: Concluded.
Topic: Selfish people
I HATE HATE HATE selfish people. I hate inconsiderate, selfish pricks who only has the brain capacity to think of themselves. It's so fucking annoying dealing with selfish people because it's the little things that do that really get to you.
Like always complaining and getting upset about things that can easily be fixed or that just aren't that serious, but because they're inconvenienced they make it everyone's problem and never shut up about it. And if you try to tell them that, they get even more upset.
And y'know? It's even worse when you have to live with the selfish person in question (I mean all of this in general but some of this is targeted).
Like with gatekeepers, at least you don't have to deal with it 24/7, same thing with friends who just clearly never had to share growing up. I can deal with those types of selfish people, but God is living with them even more infuriating.
Like omfg, we already have to share a room and your on the phone loud as fuck ALL FUCKING DAY, I have to deal with the slick shit you say, but on top of that when I ask you to stop fucking yell after dealing with it all day, you tell me no?
Be honest chat, if I hit her ass right now would I be wrong?
Other selfish things ppl do that I hate: Taking things without asking, laughing at me when I'm being dead ass, agreeing to do something with me but making me wait till your done talking to your friends, sleeping on the phone with ppl that are constantly loud ASF when I'm trying to sleep, not doing something exactly when it's asked of you, and so much more shit I've forgotten.
Yap session: concluded.
Another rant about cockroaches, those nugators get on my fucking nerves. These draffish little insects piss me off with their very existence. Why do their legs look like that? Why the fuck do their antennas twitch like that? Why the fuck are they so fast? Why the fuck can they never die?
They are useless, and even if they somehow have a use other than scaring the shit out of people, they can be easily replaced with a cooler bug. The flying ones are terrifying, and you can’t even swat them out of the air unless it lands on a wall or surface.
It has the ugliness that only a mother can love and the annoyance of a common house fly combined into a abomination that even Victor Frankenstein wouldn’t like or want to touch.
Topic: My childhood stuffie.
Is this a safe place to say that I feel like having plushies as a child literally carries childhoods? I hope so because I miss mine.
His name was Mr.fluffy. He was a stuffed dog a got on Valentine's day, he was a soft light blue color and holding a pink heart, with round beaded eyes that were so cute. I'll probably never forget him.
He was there in every single one of my memories as a child, even as he got uglier as the years went on. (His stuffing was spilling out and one of his eyes were long gone, not to mention all the ashes he had in his skin, burn marks and the fact we ripped his heart off). But he still meant something to me y'know?
Unfortunately my mom threw him out when I turned ten and gaslit me into thinking I just lost him (which isn't possible I literally kept him in my bed all day everyday), because I was too old to have one. But I miss him so much everyday, I hate that I can't remember his smell or how he looked clearly.
I got a build a bear to try and replace him, but of course I didn't care about it like I did with fluffy. Now everyone is upset that like 100 and something dollars were spent on a beat I don't give a shit about, but I just want Mr.fluffy back.
Yap session: concluded.
(P.S: I will be back on my usual bullshit topics)
Chat please, read this. I don't care if you only read BL or GL, shit or just action. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE JUST READ THIS.
Period (Yaoi)
(Lmao couldn't get the link so just type that in and it'll show up).
Pls just read it, then read it one more time to really let it sink in.
I really don't even know what to say after reading this because from the first panel alone, and if you're really only focusing on the characters expressions towards one another, this seems like your average best friends playing video games.
But the more you take in the details, the more you realize that was all just a front, a poorly built one to hide what really happened. For example, the fact the blonde one is covered in bandages with (seemingly fresh) wounds and bruises. The dirty environment and filled up Calendar, showing they probably haven't been outside since the murder. The bags in the tub which I'm assuming is the body.
Yet the most heartbreaking thing is probably how they decided in their last moments together, wither they knew it or not, that they'd spend it happy together. Even though there's nothing remotely to be happy about. Even though they probably aren't deserving of any happy moments.
Malcolm is the homie we all wish we had. Mane, y'all better be glad he not real. If he was I'd be on his ass like white on rice, licking that white boy up and down. He's some fine shyt to me.
Anyways, Luke is also looking extra lickable. Or maybe it's the black jacket. Or maybe because it looks like he wears Calvin Klein undies.
Kdj's looking breed able as always. Also, I'm not surprised at all that his type is Yjh, like bro we get it. That's your husband and everything you do or say leads back to him at some point.
That being said why is Persephone low-key the mother Kdj, never had?
That being said I'm happy to finally see my favorite pair of raging clit suckers!!!
Y'all talking about this shit is a cute romance, done fooled the hell out of me. This man here is freaked out to the MAXIMUM possible level. His facial expressions were sending me to hell and back laughing.
But overall this was a good read (?) it's just...I don't know he's so fucking weird it's hilarious. Seriously tho, fucking on the playground? They should've done a couple of tricks on the monkey bars while they were at it.
Just read chapter 37, chat please tell me it gets better and doesn't suck the life force out of me. Pls tell me this gets revolved in less than 10 chapters, I really can't do this shit today
Shit, and here I thought the dad was trying to kill teach. I feel terrible for even defending Guwon.
The real question is, how the hell did we go from something sweet like dangerous convience store, to this??? This low-key still heat tho
His face card ate down so bad he had to calm down and collect himself. Realized he couldn't hurt a baddie