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I was in smut-binging mood that night. And so, I looked... I MEAN I DIDNT SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR A DAMN MONKEY OKAY?? IT WAS UNDER THAT COMPILATION "WHY GET ONE WHEN YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL" AND SO I THOUGHT THIS WAS HAREM!
spoiler alert, it wasn't. and THERE'S NO SMUT.
BUT GUESS WHAT
This was so interesting like I'm not even gonna lie this shit is right up my alley AND ITS NOT WEIRD OR ANYTHING (it kinda is but it does make some sort of sense) LIKE HONESTLY FUTURE SELF GIVE IT ANOTHER GO!
I guess it'd be pretty convenient to have someone destined for you instead of working on having someone. How nice to be promised love just for existing.
I've always been that someone too close for it to just be friendship but not quite someone they'll be willing to commit to. I've always wondered why that is. Why do people come along just to bring me to my knees to ask for a love I didn't even wished for in the first place... when I am so sure I'd live alone all my life, just to be entangled with a person I'd be willing to break that promise for.
And I guess, in my selfish kind of thinking, they needed me. They needed to meet me to be introduced to a certain type of perspective they'd need in the future, ya know, reckless rage. And an abnormal amount of overthinking. Unnecessary thoughts. Shit doesn't make sense.
It's funny now that I've lived through it. But at those moments...
I don't even want to remember.
I guess that's what makes destined partners in stories seem so... godly, to me. Because to the me who wasn't ever worth the risk, it was beautiful to be loved for simply being you... warts and all. Risking it all for the love to continue even just for a moment.
In my weakest nights, I wished to be loved. I wished for my own love story to bloom. And I imagine what it would be like. And how strange and sweet it would be.
I guess this is one of those nights, where I think of the feelings, no matter how it hurt, it was beautiful. Even if it was not meant for me. Even just for a moment, I was able to experience their fate.
...
There will be nights like this in the future I imagined. The loneliness of living alone. I guess I haven't grasped it yet. How to cope with a life where there is only myself. Maybe then, I'd make money off of it. Wouldn't that be nice? To write my most vulnerable thoughts for an audience to read and criticize.
But maybe there will be one or two people who'll like it and that'd be enough. That in this world where love seems to be the fate of many, there are a few of us who share the same the same sentiments.