So i have had a pretty emotional week, my sisters told my mum that i have been miseable lately and even told her about my thoughts of suicide (i would never, i just want to die), she pulled me aside to talk to me twice in the span of a few weeks and all that came out of it was some wellteen vitamins, a threat of going to see a doctor, excuses and promises of an easier time, its been a week and nothing has changed exept im now uncomfortable around everyone especially my mum, in the talks i was never honest about how horrible my thoughts are and how large a facor my home life plays in me feeling awful in the first place.
I have one year till i can move out and go to uni, either i can tell her my honest feelings, get sent to the doctors and stay in my town but then my future is ruined because i cant study what i have been working up to my whole life and since I'll live at home I'll be living with what caused me to be like this in the first place, OR i can suck it up and go to uni with a chance of getter better bc i hate my house however that isnt an 100% garuntee so I'll be risking living without anyone with suicidal thoughts.
Idk im asking here since its the only place that feels anonymous with an almost garunteed answer, I've never been diagnosed with anything and i have a feeling it's depression, potentially crippling, but i hate self diagnosis so I've just pushed that away.
did being awake for far too long
