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I didn’t have any real hope for chapter 45, but I did WISH Jaekyung would remember the night semi-fondly. I didn’t expect he would still feel like shit and have a headache. As someone who suffers chronic migraines, I know it’s hard to think through a migraine and he’s already in pain from his injury so he’s extra irritated. So we have Jaekyung at max prickly.
Enter presents.
Jaekyung hates people forcing themselves and their objects into his space. He keeps his stuff clean and clutter-free. He isn’t a collector, he doesn’t enjoy trinkets, and likes his path (real and theoretical) to be clear. Obstacles he can’t beat down frustrate him because he has zero emotional intelligence and no real problem-solving abilities. So they sit in the middle of the floor while he stews in his pain and irritation.
Enter Dan.
He expects that Dan will help him. He’s given Dan everything needed to take care of Jaekyung and Dan comes with the knowledge to do so. Dan will fix him soup. Dan will help his pain subside. Somehow, though, the food didn’t help. Jaekyung still felt like crap and was probably trying to decide what he could do next. Dan will get him some remedies in a bit.
Dan proffers his gift.
Jaekyung specifically said “I don’t need all this expensive shit.” He needs healthcare, pain relief, and reassurance that he can keep the one thing he cares about: his career. His title. The best gift Jaekyung could ask for would be the ability to stay in winning condition. Despite the fact that he’s working against himself there, he expects Dan to be completely dedicated to his well-being and is paying him to be an expert. But Dan gives him a keychain to satisfy his own emotions. He’s injured himself, making the therapy treatments difficult to administer, and is exhausted to the point where he can’t be available for anything but his scheduled shifts. Furthermore, he’s woken Jaekyung up by leaving at night, which Jaekyung forbid him to do.
Jaekyung is confused about the hickeys, pissed about the presents, irritated that the remedy isn’t remedying, in pain, and forced to deal with the emotions of someone who’s been given everything to do for him what’s needed but who keeps doing what they want instead.
He vents his frustrations, knowing it’ll hurt Dan, and hoping it’ll destroy any other desire for Dan to do stuff outside of their contract. It’s easier for Jaekyung that way because it’ll lead to outcomes he can predict. He may have feelings for Dan but they are so buried under all of that, it’ll take another year and a construction company to dig them out.
When someone is motivated by fear of failure and driven only by career-goals for which they see a clear path to success, it’s easy to keep taking that road and shoving extraneous objects out of the way. Emotional turmoil, other people’s desires/expectations, and poor health are all very real threats to career success and Jaekyung will always choose to steer clear knowing that. Until he fails of his own accord, he will not turn down another path.
My partner and I read this episode and were like “Dayum! What an ass!” But we could see his perspective. He’s cold and ruthless and so extremely heartless with his words… but his fear of failure is so overpowering that he lives to appease it.