potitties's Topics (70)

reallll

I love it. Being through relationships and having the heaviness of reality ground into your perception of love doesn't make feelings later in life more real. His feelings aren't less valid.
Maturity from time and experience can be used to make future relationships easier in many ways, sure, and that's fair. Diving right into your first serious relationship and finding real love doesn't make it matter less. Exposing your raw heart like that is clumsy and risky, but wouldn't it be amazing if a person could do that and get genuine feelings back?

They've got the theoretical dream. They get to skip the heartache of trial and error, of building protective walls, of years single while juggling life alone, of searching repeatedly and coming up empty. That builds strength, yeah, but what if you could bypass all that? What if you didn't need the strength to not get hurt, because you found the right person early in life? His "naive" view of love is fine as long as the love is returned. If they work through obstacles together moving forward, like any couple, there's no reason they won't be genuinely happy together.

And just saying, immature in love doesn't mean he's immature in other ways. When everyone else wants to go out for fun, he's the one patiently insisting he's going to focus on college assignments, whether the others in the group do or not. He's also shown patience with stepping back and waiting. I've met tons of "adults" who barely made it through high-school, switch jobs a lot, relationships, gossip for no reason, have awful finances, etc. He is far more mature than them.

Okay, I ranted, I'm sorry. T.T I just meant that for some older people, finding pure, unfiltered love while young is an unattainable dream... something we never had and never will. We adore the idea of other people living that dream.

I'm gonna have to knock on some wood, because I probably just jinxed the f* outta this story. Ugh.

I dont think this is about finding their love early in life. Its just that him being naive in love is gonna be too much to handle if left unchanged. Yes he may be mature in some other ways, but being immature in love can hurt them both. He may not see things rationally or realistically, FL might have to adjust everytime for him, which can become tiring. I dont think anyone here is saying his love is for her is only on a surfacr level & that his feelings are invalid. Its just that he needs to be more mature. Love isnt always about accepting your partner the way they are or loving them unconditionally. Love wont wait for him to mature. If he doesnt change, it will only cause them more problems & eventually hurt each other in the long run.

I dont think this is about finding their love early in life. Its just that him being naive in love is gonna be too much to handle if left unchanged. Yes he may be mature in some other ways, but being immature in love can hurt them both. He may not see things rationally or realistically, FL might have to adjust everytime for him, which can become tiring for both of them. I dont think anyone here is saying his love for her is only on a surface level & that his feelings are invalid. Its just that he needs to approach love more realistically. Love isnt always about accepting your partner the way they are or loving them unconditionally. Love wont wait for him to mature. If he doesnt change, it will only cause them more problems & eventually hurt each other in the long run.

Nah, you're right about a lot of that, naturally. Don't get me wrong, I agree being immature and new to relationships can lead to things going wrong. It's the approach to the subject from several people that's felt odd. Immature in some ways *can* be a bad thing, yes.

For example, the way the FL mentions to him she wasn't sure if he would be open to later having a family with her. It's totally valid that two people can be in love but want different things, and usually you need life and relationship experience to understand how much weight that carries. What if you have different religions, want to live in different places, only one person wanted kids, what if their career goals could never coincide, etc etc. No matter how much you love each other, you can't both be happy if one has a life goal of children and the other does not. Some kind of compromise has to happen somewhere, and at some point, 99% of people will end up having to go separate ways. This is all very true.

The meaning I had meant to communicate before isn't about necessarily that. It feels some people are saying that the ML's lack of personal romantic experience makes him unappealing as a ML. That's... kind of like job postings that refuse to hire workers without experience, regardless of other qualifications. I've been a hiring manager before, and believe it or not, I could ramble twice as much just comparing how similar it feels. When two people actually love each other and are willing to grow and mature together, then as long as there aren't any major bumps (again, things like children/careers/family/locations/religion/culture/skinship/etc), they have a good chance of finding their own rythym. Love by itself can do a lot. If a couple is having problems and don't love each other, it would be hard for obvious reasons to fix those problems. If that same couple was deeply in love, they'd be willing to do what they could to find a solution, such as going to counseling.

Eh, anyway. Thinking someone needs to have practice relationships to mature and refine their relationship skills before they can find happiness with someone who's a little more mature... that's just a bit pessimistic. I've had good dating experiences with people with much larger age and maturity gaps than this story's couple, and it was never a problem. I've dated someone for the first time and been someone's first relationship as well. I haven't found any of those things to be the problem (mostly I'm just weird, if that's not obvious already). Every person is different, every relationship is new, and I just feel the learning curve to understanding a relationship... well, is not nearly as hefty of a challenge as most people seem to think it is. It makes me sad to think people might be passing by on really great relationships because they might assume the other person won't "catch up" to working as a partner. I mean, that's what dating is for, right? Seeing if you can grow your feelings into a meaningful relationship.

.........if a single soul made it through this creepy rant, lemme just say real quick: I APPRECIATE YOU. Also, if you haven't heard it lately- you are a valid person in all your thoughts, feelings, actions, and choices. You rock, and you're gonna rock the rest of your day, too.