Hello again, it’s a long one. So, I’ve been dwelling on this situation for about... let’s say 2 years? I had a best friend in school that I felt really attached to. She was a really bubbly person,.. at least, that’s how she portrayed herself in the beginning. Things were going alright but she was really heavy with physical contact like holding hands and hugging. I was, and still really am, introverted and a slight germaphobe. She knew this, and despite my constant refusal, she would always force her way into a hug or hold onto my arm. It always seemed cute to others I guess, but I felt like my boundaries meant nothing to her. I did develop a crush on her for a bit, but it quickly ended after I realized I couldn’t imagine myself with her.
She ended up confessing to me through text if my memory serves correct.. I rejected her ofc, as I felt no attraction and I didn’t want to break her heart, as she cries easily. I thought that’d be the end of it, but she continuously confessed and tried to get closer to me. Maybe that was cute to others as well? I didn’t like it tho. Eventually we fought over text and she texted me the next night “thanks, you made me cry in front of my dad and my family.” To which I was puzzled, I get being heartbroken, but Would this change my rejection? No. Sure I felt bad, but that lasted for a second as she moved on to basically spit in my face through text.
But as quick as she was to screech at me, I felt like she played the victim card as soon as I fought back. Saying things like “it’s all my fault, I’m not good enough, I’m a bad person, I was bullied and maybe they were right, my mom always told me I was never good enough” and such.
It was a vicious cycle of making amends and staying friends for the sake of our mutuals and fighting through text, her ignoring me, and then suddenly hugging from behind as I finally just began to ignore her. I finally cut it off as the year came to an end. As everyone prepared for the school year to end, we said our goodbyes to our friends.
Flash forward next year, I happen to enter the same school as her and my mutuals and it’s doing alright, everyone is doing they’re own things, finding new groups. I’ll skip to the reasons why I cut her off.. sorry for the unnecessary backstory—
•She got confessed to by a trans guy in my school and rejected him using a stupid hand trick and left him alone to cry. Her reason was “I don’t wanna date a girl..” (even though I was a girl too but this was before she confessed to me..)
•got chummy with a friends ex after persuading her to break up wit him by saying he was an asshole and such..
•fake cries.. a lot... to the point where it wasn’t cute anymore.
•made jokes about overdosing AS one of my friends was overdosing on antidepressants right in front of her and my friend group, everyone was obviously uncomf and stopped my friend.
•came back 2020 with a post on her story “oh and @(my ig handle) too!” And it was about missing 2 of my other mutuals EVENE THO we both unfollowed each other and hadn’t talked since last year.
I think I was right to drop her, but at the same time, I feel like I was really childish and could’ve handled it better. What do you think? Keep in mind that when she was arguing with me, I also said dumb shit out of anger... idk, it’s just been lingering on my mind since it also caused me to drift from out mutual peers from the awkwardness.
did sleep more
did tried to kill yourself
