clementine muffin's Things

what does "ts pmo icl" mean?? i see people on the forums using it a lot, and I'm barely online anywhere else to know what tf this is supposed to mean. i tried googling but something very unrelated is coming up (unless ts really means total solids)

do you ever just find new pieces of evidence that make you realise that actually you weren't the person being bullied by others unprompted, but you were the instigator who made the first offence by having made fun of someone without even realising it?

when i watch something which is like, classic 2010s queerbait, i want to read fanfiction of it because obviously. but when i watch shows/movies that were actually queer, it feels kind of disrespectful to the original storyline to just be reading fanfics where they kiss because like- that already happened in the show, I'm satisfied with what the show gave me.

there's so many more fandoms i could be reading ao3 ffs of but I don't because of feeling like this and i just want to be able to read more fanfiction idk

i wrote some fanfics last year, then forgot about them and left them in the notes app. i just re read one of them and it's so cute i feel like posting it on ao3 but im scared of getting made fun of because idk what if people find it cringe/awkward??? should i post it or not

i used to be a good student. then medical entrance exam preparation started in grade 11, and it's been a downwards hill ever since. im currently in my drop year, still preparing for this goddamn exam, and I'm tired of literally the same syllabus over and over and over again. seriously this is so fucking frustrating. everyone around me keeps saying how they think im a sincere student and how much they believe in me, my marks haven't even gotten better at the tests im giving at the institutes preparing me for this exam. my marks have only gone lower since the past few months, I've lost all hope of cracking this exam, and i just wanna get this all over with already.

i know i have other options. i know people can succeed even by taking these other option paths. and this year, if i don't clear these exams, well obviously I'll have to select one of these other options. which also have entrance exams for them, which i don't even know if I'll be able to clear anymore. my self confidence it at an all time low.

i just wish people stopped telling me they believe in me, and just give me the fucking truth, that I can't make it, because frankly speaking, I'm never gonna be able to believe in myself anymore after almost 3 years of gruelling, hard work giving me this meagre marks. every exam i give, the marks are absolutely abysmal. to the point where i think the teachers at my coaching institute have probably given up on me too. but like, someone please just say it to my face so that i can suffer through the five stages of grief and then move on from this impossible dream of mine to crack this exam already.