beta
Here I was, happy to see a story I hadn't heard of yet with so many chapters in the hole. And it was a topic I thought I would like, so I was hyped to see what it would do.
And it did do a lot. Right from chapter one. And then chapter two - oh boy. I think I did this to myself for four chapters.
Maybe it's not entirely classifiable as "Incompetent Storytelling", depending on what the author was going for, but it sure did the tell on the "father". I mean, yes, he said that he couldn't stand her existence, but something tells me this isn't a story that aims for the protagonist to train in order to get revenge on her father for all the shit he put her through.
On a transmigration story I'm currently writing, in which the protagonist takes over a body with a somewhat broken family, I had a reader demand that the father and brothers would basically beg for her forgiveness, even though it was made clear from the beginning that it was her who had pushed everyone away until they were scarred from trying and kept their distance. I have also read hundreds of stories with neglective or all around shitty parents that got their redemption with the mostly female MCs. Even if the MC got into trouble due to being abandoned, it was usually because of circumstances nobody could foresee.
But here? What would it need to redeem a scumbag that would take a child he knew is his own, take their powers - as the black hair would make me assume - and send them off not only to a human city, but an entirely different world, naked, through the cold sea water, to end up stranded on a beach? Or did he, somehow, control her fate to have her found on time? Bitch, she would have died, had they found her half an hour later. And the storytelling didn't even make it clear how long she had been there, but it's a fucking newborn baby, she shouldn't even survive for more than half an hour under those conditions.
So, after willingly leaving her to die in another world, he opens and reads a letter that was lying around on the table for 17 years, kindly remembers that he even had a daughter and then, villy-nilly, simply decided to pull her out of the happy family she had, as he could apparently see through some unexplained visual powers (and I mean unexplained as in: why the fuck can a random ass spirit, even if he's a king, from one world send someone to another, watch them there and bring them back whenever he wants without breaking a damn sweat about it?).
On top of that, one of the first things he does is insult her and then he not just threatens to, but actively tries to murder her. He hates her. He doesn't want her. So what if you "just" read that you were actually supposed to give a crap about the child your woman died to give birth to? She probably didn't ask you to make hell out of her life.
And yes, if that isn't what she will go through, then it's already incompetent writing. The storytelling was already shit. Like, we were shown her otherworldly family, even heard their names and were supposed to get to know them, yet we didn't get the chance to actually SEE them interact in a more meaningful way. We know she's into swimming, but we don't know if she ever displayed superpowers, so we must assume she has none. There was no comment like "it must be your compatibility with water that lend you strength to survive back then" or how she could maybe hold her breath for a while - which she can't do, as we know, because she instantly would have drowned after being pulled down by the Spirit Douche, at least until her hair turned back to blue. In other words, they spent precious panels on showing a family, but told the story anyway without needing that extra space, because it didn't "show" anything actually useful.
Anyway, at least we gathered that she loved her family. Even the fucking Titan's Bride had the decency to make a great point out of the fact that the MC may not have had parents anymore, yet he had friends he loved and had to leave behind, and his world, which was entirely different from the Titan Husband's, was something he would miss.
So, to sum it up, he literally kidnapped her from her world. As nothing had happened in his own world after sending her over, as of now, there's no reason for me to believe her family would simply forget about her after she left the world. So the family would be devastated as well. If that changes in the future, point taken, though it would over stretch my already expanded suspension of disbelief, but it would make him a piece of shit still, because it's her family. He isn't. He doesn't want to be.
Why do you think you have to care now?
And as for the "mother"... No child asks to be born. Blaming the child is already an infantile move on the oh-so-great father's part, but taking someone's essence to have a child, knowing it would kill you and leave that child to the unwitting "partner", is an equally infantile and shitty behavior. Imagine someone took your semen off a condom to try and get pregnant if any of the swimmers survived the culling from the stuff on the latex. Would you think that's okay? I think that counts as a form of abuse, to be honest (like, I'm not joking, and I think it's illegal as well).
Then knowing you won't live to see the face of the child, yet totally feeling great about your deed, thinking the guy will take care of the brat he never asked to have. Shouldn't she know him best if she loved him so much she had to have this child with him? How come she never caught his childish, willful, and overall egotistical personality? The amount of stupidity in those two people is immeasurable.
And the victim of each and every step taken is, of course, our MC. After being kidnapped, she would be traumatized. Finding out who her father is and how she was conceived would instill hatred in her. She would start cursing both her parents, who could do nothing to right those wrongs, except for sending her back to live the life she had lived in peace for 17 years prior to all of this bullshit being unloaded on her. The father has every right to regret this for the rest of his sorry excuse of an existence.
In the end, both parents are the sort of selfish people that you wouldn't feel well about having a child at all. They love the idea of having a child, but can't think about the care that has to go into it. Like the mother creating the child, knowing she would leave it to a father who didn't even know the child existed or the father who would first throw the child away and then take it back even through he can't show it any positive feelings.
Did I sum that up well? In case that's not what's going to happen, this story already sucks ass.
And as for the mother, "looking down from heaven": Sweetie, if there is a concept like that in your world, you sure aren't going to heaven after that stunt you pulled. No matter the reason, that's a contract with a demon. You're tainted now.
Rest well in hell.