beta
I think by now Jingi is aware that he’s developed feelings for myeong-ill—though they’ve been present for a while in subtle ways. He’s said outright before that he makes exceptions for myeong-il, by not “fucking him on the field or in the phone booth”, and maybe it’s due to the fact that Myeong-il is helpful to Jingi by helping him swipe his letters from the office and other tasks, but it doesn’t explain why he always seems to be stroking Myeong-il’s hair or cupping his face (like when they’re in the office talking about Jingi’s uncle, his hand is on Myeong-il’s cheek). It seems like he’s fonder of Myeong-il than he’s willing to admit. And by no means am I justifying Jingi’s actions towards Myeong-il, bc let’s be honest it’s really fucked up the stuff he’s done to him. I think Jingi has this idea that he is above the people he’s currently surrounded by, bar his brother, which happen to be criminals. He makes it clear in the latest chapter, when Myeong-il is just trying to comfort Jingi, and all he can say is that Myeongil is a no good gambler, a criminal who he should just “kill”. In past chapters, Jingi has made it clear his disdain to be tied back to gangsters, or anything that goes against the law—which may not make sense bc he’s done so much crazy shit to other people and has no problem with that. Maybe it’s due to how he views them vs himself, kind of like a hierarchy. He feels like he has to do it, since only the strong stay on top, and the weak end up dying in the real world (like he’s said before). I think he’s having trouble reconciling with the fact that yes Myeong-il is a criminal who has gambled and stolen and been violent, but he’s also capable of being kind and empathetic (like when he watches him help hyeonjae in various ways). And when he almost kissed Myeong-il in this chapter and stops himself, it could be due to the fact that he knows Hyeonjae is also very interested in Myeong-il and made it clear so many times. But I think it also has to do with Jingi wrestling with his “moral compass” and “principles” he has over who he thinks he is vs who he thinks myeong-il is. And he’s finally starting to figure that out