Reinhardt May 31, 2020 1:18 am

Fuck his situation is so fucking similar to mine and it hits me hard. Same kind of industry. Always being the second even tho u gave ur all but u still cant beat those with early start.. Its frustrating to keep comparing ourselves.

I wish i had that kind of seme to actually fall for me along the way tho ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭

(After reading my own writing (the ones below), its amazing how this manga can trigger me like this, rants ahead, you can just ignore my rant)


Its easy to say "dont compare". But i unconsciously do that. Constantly asking am i that worthless? Myself is the only hindrance in my life but cant rly get over it. Been in a slump. Not wanting to do anything. Im wasting away my life rn. At my age (im not old) friends dont even exist in a sense unless u reach out to them. But some doesnt even want to take the hint. I guess we humans indeed need a partner in life. But.. I keep telling myself, if i cant take care of myself how am i supposed to expect anyone to take care of me... Im running in circles

Why am i saying all this in a yaoi manga topic wtf
But if theres anybody out there in similar situation with mine... Well... I know im not the only person having this kind of problem.. I just wished to be saved but i know its just a wishful thinking coz i never want to approach anyone when im in this state. I turned off all the social notifications. I felt burdened with my own online social life. Its supposed to be fun right? Online friends? But i felt burdened and wanted to run away.. Im running away rn. Im just tired. No matter how many times i get back up, this kind of thing will return for sure.

Im just tired. ...Welp, ciao.

    paranoidcommunist May 31, 2020 1:35 am

    Hey. I was gonna comment the exact same thing. I'm studying motion graphics and doing 3D too. It's really hard to not be insecure and jealousy especially when surrounded by talented people. You get burnt out fast. I feel you. Don't know what to say to make you feel better because i'm in the same situation but hang in there buddy.

    Celebrate_love May 31, 2020 3:36 am

    I get what you are saying. As a student, I used to be quite comfortable with the idea that I am the best one around in my school but when I went out and started participating more outside the school I would be hit by the reality that there are plenty who are better than me. Hard work sounds nice. I like working hard I don't mind that piece of advice but what troubles me is that some people seem to have the 'it' factor in them. You know? One might even call it talent. I always questioned myself if talent really was a thing. Like are they born with it if so isn't that unfair. Stories of inspiration just frustrate me because it makes me feel worthless and helpless since jo matter how much effort I put in just because I don't have the 'talent' pisses me off. I don't want to be treated as the secondary and even if I do manage to bag the first place the pressure and anxiety to keep holding on to it never leaves me. Basically, as long as I care about all this I will never be at ease.

    Zealot_crazer May 31, 2020 5:02 am

    Heeey...labelling at all is a pain in the ass because somehow we're expected to continue to maintain the relationship be it 'parents,' 'friends', 'colleagues' etc...so it's okay to rant to strangers because you dont have to worry about pressing forward a relationship with them...


    Also, comparing..yeah..you're right. It happens...and it's freaking amazing that you're at least going around in circles comparing and telling yourself to not compare. That shows you're strong.

    We just cant help it. Sometimes, others have a headstart. I remember watching a video about people standing in staring in lines for an athletics competition but everyone is asked to step forward if they had a particular privilege like having two parents, being rich etc...

    That's just like us. Another person might be better than us but that's also because they had a particular which we did not have. But just imagine. Someone exactly like us. Make a clone of yourself. Then, ask yourself. Have I done enough with what I've got? You'd be pretty fucking pleased to know you have. Can I do more? Yes. You can cause you're bloody brilliant and you're not gonna waste time moping. Na-ah. You're gonna go impress yourself with how amazing you are even though your starting line was much further than a lot of other people...

    Cottoncandy May 31, 2020 10:21 am

    My field is completely different (languages) but I sure as hell know the feeling. Here where I'm studying the competition is high and we are always pressured.

    I was raised with the mindset that I just HAD to be the best. I worked to the point of sickness but I kept being the best until university. I was so obsessed with it that I saw even my friend as possible competition. When I first started my university a year and a half ago I found out that there were people extremely talented and spent a whole year in a slump, feeling like I wasn't enough. My years of hard work were thrown out of the window whereas others had the talent and the experience.

    I know the burden and sometimes you just have to let it all out. Sometimes you have to escape, but the important thing is: you have to return, stronger than before. In life there will always be someone more talented than you are, but this doesn't mean you are worthless. Value your strong points and NEVER feel like you are not enough because that is just not true. As for your friends, if they neglect you, ditch them. You need no negativity in your life, only keep around people that cherish you as they should.

    Keep the good work, life does get better. * sends virtual hugs*

    BTW, that "ciao" at the end. R u Italian too? X)

    Reinhardt May 31, 2020 4:53 pm

    Whoa, didnt expect to get many replies. Hold on lol

    Reinhardt May 31, 2020 4:57 pm
    Hey. I was gonna comment the exact same thing. I'm studying motion graphics and doing 3D too. It's really hard to not be insecure and jealousy especially when surrounded by talented people. You get burnt out fa... paranoidcommunist

    Wow thats cool! Mograph and 3d. Im in concept art and studied 3d a bit. How do u know u have burnt out? Somehow i felt guilty being in this situation but i srsly dont feel doing anything. I once dreamt of being really angry that i woke up while still feeling angry. Thats a weird sensation.. And thanks for the encouragement. I hope things work out well for u too

    Reinhardt May 31, 2020 5:08 pm
    I get what you are saying. As a student, I used to be quite comfortable with the idea that I am the best one around in my school but when I went out and started participating more outside the school I would be ... Celebrate_love

    Somehow i kept thinking abt "the subtle art of not giving a fck" Book. And sadhguru youtube channel. I assume u r still a student. The one thing i regret back then was, i expect something when i do things and it hit me hard after graduation because i didnt get what i wanted. I wish i didnt expect anything from the start. Its easy to say, but at least i should've expected the worst to happen so i'll feel better at least.

    But hey no hard work is useless. Persistence is the key that some talented ppl might not even do it persistently. If want to expect then expect the obstacle will come your way so you'll be more than ready later on.

    Damn, yknow how ppl giving advice is actually an advice to themselves as well? Thanks for sharing mate.
    Take a breather, Burnt out is fine, just dont fade away.

    Reinhardt May 31, 2020 5:37 pm
    Heeey...labelling at all is a pain in the ass because somehow we're expected to continue to maintain the relationship be it 'parents,' 'friends', 'colleagues' etc...so it's okay to rant to strangers because you... Zealot_crazer

    Damn, i usually hate it when ppl tell me im strong so im gonna be fine. And they made light of it. But i was fine with the way u stated it and u pointed out to me why u thought of that. Means a lot, thank you :)

    I was burning like fire at the beginning, i can tell i gave more than 100% to everything. Eventually i fell apart, grew tired and rewarded by losing. I felt angry and all sort of emotions. I thought i was over it. But it came back to my dreams. I was encouraged by my family it shudve made me feel better. I felt better. But then it came back again.

    Have u ever feel like, u know how to solve ur problem, but u r having an argument within urself and it gave u headache so eventually u gave up? But then u'll get better and then will start another cycle? Its funny since my friends sometimes came up to me to seek advices and so on but here i am. Struggling with my own shit and im getting tired of this.

    But trully thank you for all ur kind words. And yeah its important to look at ourselves in a different perspective (as in looking at our clone).
    Uh... I'll blabber more at this rate lol
    Thank you rly kind stranger :))

    Reinhardt May 31, 2020 5:57 pm
    My field is completely different (languages) but I sure as hell know the feeling. Here where I'm studying the competition is high and we are always pressured. I was raised with the mindset that I just HAD to be... Cottoncandy

    You did great! And to overcome it in a way is amazing.

    Thank you for the kind words :")
    At this point i think im the negativity instead of my friends LOL but whenever im in a negative state i stay away from everything, literally gone missing.

    /hugs back

    Oh r u italian?
    Im not x'D i was interested in it when i was a kid. First foreign language book i bought. Thats the only word i remember now. Its a long time ago LOL and maybe "come sta" Hehe xD

    Celebrate_love May 31, 2020 6:00 pm
    Somehow i kept thinking abt "the subtle art of not giving a fck" Book. And sadhguru youtube channel. I assume u r still a student. The one thing i regret back then was, i expect something when i do things and i... Reinhardt

    "Take a breather, Burnt out is fine, just dont fade away"
    that's the best thing anyone has ever told me. Thanks a lot for your words and advice (≧∀≦)

    paranoidcommunist June 1, 2020 1:15 am

    It's when you keep doing things but don't get the result you expect. The stress makes you mentally exhausted and robs you all of your motivation. It happened to me a few months ago when i was working on my final project. I was under a lot of pressure bc of financial and family issues. One day i just got shut down. I can't explain it. Like you're aware of it but can't help feeling in a certain way. It's the worst.

Reinhardt May 26, 2020 8:29 am

Ngl, I was fcking frustrated reading this and it gave me a real headache.
If i were her, i'll torture everyone and just announce their fucking "secret" relationship. The fuck. I didnt laugh at all at this. I have a bad sense of humor.

Hdksjdkakdjwifnksjdbdbe

    Sebaciel May 26, 2020 9:21 am

    I dont think you have a bad sense of humor, but i feel like this yaoi ? Is just straight up not funny. This makes me kind of mad, like how tf is the company still in business ? They only have ONE person actually working and the rest are basically fucking in their cubicles!

Reinhardt May 26, 2020 7:42 am

I just read the latest chapter on Tapas (ch 52)
I need spoilers!
Too lazy to read the novel

    Cawaiii♡ May 26, 2020 11:17 am

    Me too (≧∀≦)

    SajeSaje May 26, 2020 12:11 pm

    Just order the list by Popularity

    xxkurokoxx May 26, 2020 4:53 pm

    Oof are you sure? Spoilers below:























    K, it’s been a while since I read the novel, but Ryle and Sarielle do end up confessing and being BF and GF, even engaged (Sarielle like asks the parents for Ryle’s hand in marriage). Ryle teases Sarielle quite a bit, and is a bit pervy.
    They got a year end class trip, and then a history trip after. Gary is in love with Ryle (but says he’ll support Sarielle’s and Ryle’s relationship and won’t let anything get in between them), and Kina does confess her feelings for Ryle (they stay as friends, but Kina also says she won’t give him up which wasn’t heard by Ryle.

    The history trip they take the subway for, and at the platform, they tell Gary and Kina they’re engaged. Kina gets mad with jealously, and while Ryle is getting drinks, she confronts Sarielle and says that she stole him from her. Sarielle tried to calm her down and touches her, Kina pushes her off, she falls off the subway platform, Gary saves her but he falls off, and then Ryle saves him but while sacrificing himself. Apparently Sarielle also jumped in to die bc she didn’t want to continue a lifetime without Ryle.

    Third lifetime: Our MC becomes a princess of a nation and Jin is her knight, they got no memories of past lives. They fall in love, but MC has to marry another prince of a nation that’s like corrupt (this prince is who the MC and Jin met like 3 years before in palace’s garden but got no memory of). Jin has to let her go, since she has a duty as a princess to marry a prince (her parents in this world lowkey sell her off it’s just messed up). She marries the other guy (Zephyr I think) and he doesn’t force her to have sex with him since he realizes that she loves her knight.
    They do end up having sex eventually tho I guess since they have a kid. MC only loves her husband platonically this not romantically.

    Her spiritual beast (Sven or something?) also follows her in this world (apparently he loves her, and tries to stop her from having sex since she was pure as an immortal but now as a mortal she gotta marry and lose her virginity to some random guy). Jin continues fighting in a war and never forgets her, always loving her. MC fixes the country from being so corrupt. Jin and Zephyr both die in the war (Jin officially ending the war with his last breath). MC falls ill learning of this news, but only tries surviving for her son. She makes her spiritual beast promise to watch over her son (Meaning get has to stay in the world even longer), and her son says it’s okay for her to leave and go find her happiness. He makes her promise to be with her true love in her next life (knew she didn’t love his dad).

    MC dies and becomes a God again, and marries Jin (who promised they’ll marry in their next life).
    Jin turns out he’s always loved her, and was the one who called her ugly at the ball (I think he was flustered or something, or like didn’t want other guys looking at her beauty), causing her to wear a veil as a God.

    Nakisa May 26, 2020 5:14 pm
    Oof are you sure? Spoilers below:K, it’s been a while since I read the novel, but Ryle and Sarielle do end up confessing and being BF and GF, even engaged (Sarielle like asks the parents for Ryle’s hand in ... xxkurokoxx

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

    Nakisa May 26, 2020 5:14 pm
    Oof are you sure? Spoilers below:K, it’s been a while since I read the novel, but Ryle and Sarielle do end up confessing and being BF and GF, even engaged (Sarielle like asks the parents for Ryle’s hand in ... xxkurokoxx

    But I'm more reassured now that it's consent sex u__u

    xxkurokoxx May 26, 2020 5:53 pm
    But I'm more reassured now that it's consent sex u__u Nakisa

    yea it was, and the guy Zephyr really loved her too, but respected her decisions and stuff, and knew that she didn’t truly love him.

    Still, I didn’t really like him. But eh. He was just pretty naive and oblivious.

    Dawn May 26, 2020 8:26 pm
    Oof are you sure? Spoilers below:K, it’s been a while since I read the novel, but Ryle and Sarielle do end up confessing and being BF and GF, even engaged (Sarielle like asks the parents for Ryle’s hand in ... xxkurokoxx

    So she has a son out there somewhere with someone else. I'm kinda disappointed.

    Reinhardt May 27, 2020 4:56 pm
    Oof are you sure? Spoilers below:K, it’s been a while since I read the novel, but Ryle and Sarielle do end up confessing and being BF and GF, even engaged (Sarielle like asks the parents for Ryle’s hand in ... xxkurokoxx

    Aw mannnn so they really died after ch 52 in the manhwa then. Ajdjkabdjsj i felt like they can be more lovey dovey for a few chapter to come

    Thank you so much for the spoilers!!

Reinhardt May 24, 2020 4:04 pm

NO I DONT WANT ANY PAPARAZZI INVOLVED. PLS. WTF.

Y'know whenever they go out or something im always scared of that. ;W; GOSH pls NO.

Reinhardt May 18, 2020 12:34 am

????? I've read the whole thing til the end. But why is it being re-uploaded???? And the ending chapters are gone??

I thought they got new chapters. Or season 2 or something lol.

    LadyV May 18, 2020 1:56 am

    Not sure what you mean. Are the chapters not uploaded in the right order or something? Seems good to me.

    Reinhardt May 20, 2020 9:14 am
    Not sure what you mean. Are the chapters not uploaded in the right order or something? Seems good to me. LadyV

    Oh no
    Previously it has ended. The story has ended. But somehow this got reuploaded and the last chapter isnt here anymore

    LadyV May 21, 2020 2:33 am

    I don't think that's the issue. I've been uploading it and that isn't the case. Maybe you're mistaking it for another one?

    Reinhardt May 21, 2020 2:59 am
    I don't think that's the issue. I've been uploading it and that isn't the case. Maybe you're mistaking it for another one? LadyV

    OH LOL u r the uploader??? Thanks a bunch
    Ye its not a big issue. Just me wondering

    LadyV May 21, 2020 3:06 am

    I picked it up from chapter 27.
    You're welcome. I hope you like it.
    There's another manga with the same alternate title called Interview with a Murderer and I thought you might be confused.

Reinhardt April 30, 2020 5:03 pm

Sorry, no matter how many times i read. I still feel dan-i should take a moment from the shock but then she needed to rush to help the guy hyperventilating ... I just... Cant.. She needed to stay strong and rushed towards her friend while she barely just escaped death herself!!!

Sjdjakjfksjfjsjsjdj

Reinhardt April 27, 2020 11:16 am

Sorry guys. But the 9th chapter should be more intense!! In the novel MC got reeaaallly mad at lila and shout the fuck out of her lungs until she felt like crying. I felt that one in the novel ( she got really mad because lila treated them like an object not living beings) and at the end bern stepped in and told lila to fuck off. At the end of the scene MC cried while hugging bern. /flips

This scene is one of the most memorable in the novel :<

    greenery April 27, 2020 1:09 pm

    Yea i agree i really wanted to se this part but then i just got disappointed ┗( T﹏T )┛

    Reinhardt April 27, 2020 1:11 pm
    This reply will be showed after approved! Geraldine

    But its alrdy out? O) --(

    Welp if it was, sorry

    Reinhardt April 27, 2020 1:12 pm
    Yea i agree i really wanted to se this part but then i just got disappointed ┗( T﹏T )┛ greenery

    Ikr (┬┬_┬┬)

Reinhardt April 13, 2020 2:31 am

I WOULD LOVE TO SEE VIOLENCE

    Reinhardt April 13, 2020 2:32 am

    I love how they include blood pressure for this LOL

Reinhardt April 10, 2020 3:32 am

Ok this jennis thing is being dragged on too much.

Keep ending the chapter with MC got broken bones or a hole on his body only for us to know he's still gonna be alive anyway

stop talking with your fist!!! /flips table

Reinhardt March 31, 2020 4:42 pm

White hair; instant +999 charm

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