beta
growing up in a borderline cult as a lesbian i prayed every night that god would let me be with my family in the afterlife, even though i was a sinner. I prayed for forgiveness, for my soul, for my feelings not to damn me. They spoke about how wrong it was to love the same sex, how wrong it was to do so many things in that place. I left the church when i was 14 or so, and i still carry that shame i felt as a little girl praying for god not to hate me for liking girls.
Every time i start to like a woman, i become suffocated by that shame. I become reminded of my prayers and what i was taught to believe. I feel disgusting, dirty for things that ive done and things ive gone through. Seeing this truly hits home like nothing else. Only i never had someone else to believe in. Overall though, this story is beautiful and the ending fits, as sad as it is. What it manages to capture in so few chapters is so incredible and im glad i read it even if it hurts.