Bae.ruffiana's Things

Tomorrow ramadan fasting month starts n I'm gonna start fasting. My bf who's really religious keeps telling me to start fearing **Him**(God) n to tell u the truth, I'm not really religious.
I follow my family's religion but I'm not so orthodox, i dun wear hij@b n i dun offer 5× prayer daily. I'm not a bad person, i just dun believe in God much.
I dun think I've committed any grave sins, I've been living a simple life n i dun want to box myself in religious restrictions. Ik he's not wrong about his intentions, but I'm just not interested in it. Tbh, even my family doesn't bother me much about it. I'm a studious person n use my time to get the academic validation.
He never listens to what I've to say. I dun think he even plans on leaving me bcoz even if i tell him to find someone who's religious instead, he just brushes over it, ignoring what I've said. It kinda stresses me out ngl. I even told him it's haram to date, so why bother dating me at all. He literally doesn't care what i say ong

It's 5am, no wishes... Not feelingg sleepy, and tomorrow i have a test coming up. Dude my life is fcked up... so close to losing my mind.
Wanted to relax my mind off a bit and all I see is drama .danggg forums are just a new place to start war now.
I just wish he'd have remembered it. He didn't remember it last year as well, is that what dudes do? Never remember a date? Or maybe mine is just on crack?

I've been in a dilemma of whether having sex before marriage is okay or not. My bf currently has had physical relationships with his ex girlfriends, however it's my first relationship and I've never had sexual experience before. It's been around a year of us having a long distance relationship with only one date when he came to visit me in my city. He was prepared to have sex, which I declined. We kissed and hugged and other romantic stuffs which was all my first. He was talking about meeting me up in a couple of months again and said we should have sex this time. I really love him, however, i have mixed feelings about having sex on our date. It's a secret relationship and my family doesn't know about it obviously. I had thought about saving it till marriage, but even I feel like having sex w him sometimes, I overthink a lot on whether it's right or not. What are y'all opinions about it?