beta
As someone with a PHD on unrequited love... I get it. And I also get the frustration some people are having.
Mc never had greed for chaheon. Even if he's experienced lust before they put their hands on each other, it was very minimal, and he's always tried to suppress his feelings for ml, whether that be lust, love, or something else.
He's always drawn lines between ml and himself. "Ml is at the top of the foodchain; the spotlight follows him wherever he goes, etc." In a way it's idolization, putting someone on a pedestal. And when you look up at someone so much, you get used to holding your neck out. You stop being on the same playing level. Sometimes, that means a weak sense of self-worth.
Having a crush is something you do alone. Liking someone alone, having your heart broken on your own, sometimes (a lot of times) even by your own doing (although it's hard to admit). Mc is still very much in his own head. He's lived with the storyline he wrote in his mind for so long he thinks it's real life. I have a feeling it still hasn't fully occurred to him that ml is in this "relationship" as much as he is. He still holds the assumption that ml will reject him if he confesses his feelings. For Mc, it's still more comfortable being in the box he caged himself in, rather than this new territory he's exploring with ml. Surely doesn't help that ml has cryptic tendencies. This unexplored territory is scary for mc especially when he thinks he's doing it alone.
It's funny to me now but I sympathize with Mc. The pain he's experiencing now may just be due to some scenario he's made canon in his head, but the pain is all too familiar it might even be comfortable, so much so that, instead of asking ml for clarification, he's out here crying over his already broken heart.