Lectora's Things

Is it normal to feel despressed and wanting to die when your family acts like this? Like when I ran away from home to my bestfriend house,my parents got me home and talk about how they will never restrict me from hanging out with my friends outside or how my father won't pressure me into seperate studying for a govt job while I am still in college, my brother is someone who angry at me whenever I fight with my parents, after a few days of silence in the house, then the history repeats again but this time it got worse because I keep getting angry ,despressed and cry and now I am enemy with all three of them. It's so sad that my family won't care to help me with this and wtf is wrong with me.just wish I died. But aside from this how can I stop being emotionally attached to my family and how can I just not feel bad when they ignore me when I wish to speak with them. Even my fake friends notice it but they won't. My mom says that we are bestfriend when she is the type of person to ignore someone that she clearly knew they love her. I just want to be de-attached from my mom. Tell me how can I be emotionally stable. I am getting lectured from both in college and home on how I should be shameful that I ran away home and how I should know that my parents just afraid that something must happen to me that why they never let me outside anywhere. Like, so it's okay fro them to shelter me from the world then how the hell am I supposed to survive? Like my mind is messed up. There's a lot more I want to say but this is already too much. Thank you for listening

It's been a while since college started, as I decided to take computer science and engineering. I started to feel scared and confused, whenever I try to watch YouTubes learning programming like introduction to java or python. I can't really understand. I thought I could do well. I really don't know how others are so good at it. I feel like crying. I wish I could know how to learn correctly and just know programming and how to pace each next one by one , I mean you can't just learn one programming language right?.. I really don't know. I feel lost.

Do anyone here who is over 20 and have no friends, how the hell you cope with? Don't you feel lonely when your classmates with their friend group being lovely and lively, caring for eachother and go to trips and joke with eachother. Do you ever wish you had friends like that? But always end up in the opposite?, everytime I go to class I see ts , I can't bro. Me just sitting and using my mobile acting like I don't care is awful. Aren't we all just losers who read porn on daily basis instead of having a life?
We are living in a different worlds form eachother. Br

Do you know what's scarier than open bullying? It's manipulative Bullying, where the victim doesn't know whether they are the laughing stock or not, the manipulative first makes you think they are your friend then slowly they make you a clown to everyone without your knowledge, from then on hell begins, so many confusions and guilty of thinking maybe, maybe your friend is the one at fault but then they gaslight you and make you miserable. They know what time would you be thinking of ending or moving to another friend group, at the right time they would stop it. They will talk normally to you, but the moment you are with another one they will start their conversation by making fun of you , no matter what you talk or say, everything will be made fun of , even if you don't talk at all, as your are the entertainment for them. There's no escape. You will only getting confused. But the thing is the victim can't really say much as the others only laugh at their joke made of you, when you really make a joke or say something against them, they all just start defending them or there be only silence. Is this not hell? Is that how friends are? I know she doesn't have a friend and she keeps telling me that's no one is there when I am gone, but she do not treat me like a actual friend, if she says no one talks with her when I am gone, then why she keeping calling others and go to others or when sitting with other , she makes fun of me. How can I get out of this. I try to be nice , they won't stop no matter what I do. Silent or not. They have to keep me like a clown and stupid. I hate it. She keeps me beside her so she can talk with others. I already knew the truth but still I want to have friends. especially they won't like it if you talk back, they will start making it like what you are saying is rude, make you a think your are a bitch. Others just love to defend them, even if I don't talk to them, when I talk back to her comments the other person beside her starts making fun of me. Like why? Because I am ugly , fat and a stupid navie who cant say anything right?

I want to discontinue from my engineering college and I am in my second year (4th sem), I have to get 'Tc' from the college, I am a CSE student and the degree has 4 years. Do I have to pay for 3rd and 4th year money to get the Tc or I can just pay my second year and get tc? (It's a private college).