SAN's Topics (293)

Tae doesn’t have Stockholm syndrome thou. Yes hes such an unreliable narrator and hes kinda slow when it comes to realising his own feelings (and same goes with ilay) but he doesnt have that. Yall should read all passion novels and stop underestimating Tae

Actually this story ain't my type I just read recent chapter and made a light comment of what I know overall like illay always trying to own him and no matter how far he runs, he ends up getting caught it is like a prison so from what I see in this chapter is almost like he is giving in and trying to be comfortable in his situation which is exactly what Stockholm syndrome is , according to my understanding. Anyway I'm not here for in depth psychoanalysis but do correct me if you wish

This!!

do you know where i can read the novels? please and thank you!

Do you know why it happens like that?
Is it because you don't communicate enough or because something keeps you from doing what would be the appropriate thing in the moment?
(no need to share your personal life online if you don't want to (nor do i think you should do), but it would already be great if you could think about what the situations have in common and figure out some sort of answer for yourself!)

Social behaviors always have a "why" as to why we act like this, realizing you don't like a certain behavior is already having done the first step towards a change, you've got this.
Being an okay human is hard after all.

The recent comment by Apolloeli would be my answer: my partner wants to change me. I know he has good intentions at heart and means well, but I don’t want to change. My personality was shaped to protect me from the environment I grew up in. How can I undo years of learned survival just for someone I’m not even sure will always be there for me? Why do I have to be the one to change? Why am I the one at fault and not him?
Yes, he treats me with love and care, but at the end of the day, he sees flaws in me,, flaws I don’t want to expose. Meanwhile, his flaws are things I’m afraid to bring up, fearing it might lead to us separating. Maybe that’s why I struggle to communicate properly.
Now that he believes he knows me well and wants to take our relationship further, I’ve backed out. I want to move forward too but I constantly feel guilty for not communicating properly. The truth is I can’t communicate. The way I was raised, every time I tried to express myself, I was either ignored or not taken seriously. Over time, I lost my voice when it came to emotional expression.
I fear that if I tell him what I don’t like, or ask him to change something, he’ll leave me or ignore me just like others have in the past. That fear is stronger than my desire to speak up.

You already have a good understanding of what's at play here, good job honestly??
That's usually the hardest part!

Now, i'm a nobody, don't take anything i say too seriously, but love is strong, love can take it when something changes. Of course it's scary, and it's honestly never pleasant to reveal parts of ourselves we've tucked away.

But on the long run wouldn't this benefit both of you? :3
When growing up in difficult situations we build up walls and create mechanisms to keep us safe from whatever bullshit might be going on, yes, but once we're out of said situation... the walls are useless, they don't protect you, they just trap you in and keep everyone out.

So while it's hard, and fuck knows it's hard, but we need to rewire our brains to adapt our behavior to the person we're facing. I actually believe you can smash down whatever's holding you back if it's hurting you in this relationship (and clearly they're hurting you in some way since you voiced it)
If your partner can be trusted, and looks like they can. Maybe you could start by setting a new guideline between the two of you, something like "if i do something that ticks you off, you tell me on the spot and vice versa"
That way you could both speak about it on the moment and calmly try to understand why this or that happened.
(of course that requires two people willing to admit when they acted wrong, and that's hard as fuck, but if you're both willing, with time it'll be easy peasy)

But as a conclusion, only fools are fearless, you fear because you like them and that's great, but i'm sure any mutual relationship can withstand a "hey i don't like when you do/act like this", actually, i'm not sure, i know. when two people love each other, friends, lovers, or family, they're very much able to accept change.
Of course, bringing it up is the hardest part, but i trust that if they want to move to the next stage with you, their love for you is strong enough for these conversations.

And on the long run, things untold will only hurt the both of you, so better take your time trying to talk with them now!
You've got this.

Hey man I totally understand that fear.. the fear of losing what's there, the fear of change, & uncertainty.. conversation is so important for progress and development yet it's so hard. As someone who is still learning to outgrow the people pleasing self.. It always takes so much courage and thinking to do before I voice and address the conflicts and flaws cuz one wrong word, everything gets blown out of proportion and suddenly you are at fault for ruining what was there. Learned it the hard way that Conversation doesn't always fix things But I personally am glad I choose to do it. If it works ,great. if it doesn't then at least we put the baggage on the table. Companionship is all about understanding, compromise and teamwork. But if you don't even feel safe to be honest and vulnerable I don't think that relationship is worth it. Never settle for less.

Exactly. I'm of the same mind

Really appreciate you taking the time to say all that. You have no idea how comforting it is to hear someone lay it out without judgment. You’re right it’s scary and messy but maybe that’s okay. Maybe I don’t need to have it all figured out yet. Thanks for the kindness and clarity, really. I might still fumble and panic and ghost him out of pure emotional chaos but I’ll try.

Being a human is hard as shit bro, so of course we should support each other when we can (empathise on the "when we can" it's also very much valid to priorise your own well being when it needs to be so, and i'd even say it's smarter, but anyhoo)

Fumbling is okay, we don't have to be perfect on the first try or ever actually, social skills are, well a skill, the more we practice the better we get, but making the first step is always hard, that's for sure;;;

Like the other stranger said, never settle for less, of course your partner might fumble the first talks you'll have, but it'll get better for the both of you i'm sure.
I'm rooting for you, you clearly already have all that's needed to make it work, so you don't need it, but still, good luck!

Ok I read further and it's such a perfect environment for this kind of story to take place.
Sadly I am not interested in fl personality type

"I thought it was just little obsession trope but it's just another torture trope fuck ml"

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY