
i lowkey wished that the bottom would die, and the top turn into the one who can’t really die naturally. i feel in certain situations, you can only truly understand what it feels like when it happens to you. i feel like the bottom needs a rest, and the top needs to get rid of the guilty feeling of carrying the burden of those feelings.

I understand, at the end Brett knows if they keep it up, Hayden isn’t the type of person who can’t truly handle it without the pain, Brett just doesn’t want to dirty those pure feelings. he can do it, he was raised to endure it, and it breaks my heart. im so sad, im so hurt sobsob It hurts both of them are having such a hard time ( ຈ ﹏ ຈ )
This is so sad. I replied to another comment but I say it again: “ I think it’s not much “fantasise” but rather an intrusive thought he got after he realised the real sort of “relationship” he got with the bottom. As you can see, he’s having a sort of break, so he probably didn’t mean to really think about that but rather it came to him as a violent outcome, just like sometimes after so much anger, some people might get the intrusive thought to physically react against an outsider threat, whether is against yourself or a third party.” The top clearly has issues, as self harming himself because he’s so upset over the fact that he lost something he truly wanted. The first time he wants something, and it got “snatched” in his mind, since the bottom was never his to begin with. I really hope the top does something about his mental health, instead of holding onto the bottom, since not even that can save him from the despair of realising he was not worth the sweetness of love. Or maybe if the bottom pinned the top, but it would be so unfair since the bottom has already gone through a rough patch, and he himself doesn’t hold himself in high regard, going as far as to think his wellbeing isn’t even a topic when it’s about these two “friends”. I would love to see if anyone agrees with this or if maybe I’m wrong !
I don't think it's a 'fantasy' either, more like just a fucked up response he thought of. which isn't any better in my opinion, I dont think people normally have thoughts of raping someone u don't want to lose, but considering he has raped nanjo in the past well I actually expected him to go ahead w it so i *am* relieved he didn't. but its insane I have to be glad at him doing not even the bare minimum
That's intrusive thoughts... The op is right, you just rephrase them .
i never said they were wrong though? I was agreeing w them !
Wtf is wrong with you....
I just noticed the user....
it all started when i was 11
yeah thats my government name ?
I know what you mean, however you also need to have in mind a that an intrusive thought is as the concept says intrusive. So, it doesn’t mean he really wanted to do it, nor it represents a person. To be fair, yes, he did it before so I think I understand “it isn’t normal to think about…” but the thing is, no one wants to think something intrusive, it comes to you like a stab in the back, no matter how hard someone might try. And yes, actually the way the top acts, is reflective of his past actions, I think the intrusive thought came as a representation of his past hurtful actions, as in a way to haunt him for the pain he has caused, enough to make the bottom say something painful “does it matter what I feel” really messed him up, because the top after all IS aware of what he has done. I hope he takes accountability or keeps getting haunted by his mistakes, and wrongdoings