Asher's Things

so i dont know if this is normal or not
i lowkey feel like i should look for professional help
basically when i was like 12, stuff happened one night and since my dad was pretty abusive rather then talking it out he started throwing hands
now i dont remember much of that night but one thing i do vividly remember is him throwing a chair at me and me moaning
I MOANED
I DIDNT SCREAM LIKE BEFORE I DIDNT SAY STOP I FUCKING MOANED LIKE IM 110% THAT WAS A MOAN CUZ IT WAS INVOLUNTARY AND IT CAME FROM MY VOCAL CORDS AND NO ONE WAS EXPECTING
I WAS LIKE SO SURPRISED BUT ALSO SO EMBARRASSED
im an adult now, parents got divorced i live in a different country now but that is something that still bugs me?
like at that age i knew was sex was i knew what moans were infact i discovered porn when i was 9 and was addicted to it right up till i was 16 ( idk if thats normal cuz a lot of my friends were as well? )
so advice i wanna ask is, does that mean im a masochist? cuz i cant think of any other reason as to why i did that
gosh rereading this really does make me feel so grateful that this is all anonymous cuz this is like t0o embarrassing to tell people face to face
so thank you for clicking and acc reading this and if u have the time do let me know what you think