sofiamakenzie's Things

I'm a loner, can't say that i'm a exacly a loner since i'm not that introvert i have friends at home, but at school i'm always alone:< , senior highschool life for me is fuck up everybody is so fucking mean and i'm starting to think that maybe it's me even though i never done anything for them to act like that to me all i want is a cool, amazing and a happy senior high school life like those kdrama i watch but its really different! I'm an academic achiever but what's happening right now it's fucking affecting my performance! i hate it, i used to be able to recite without thinking anyones opinion whether my answers gonna be right or wrong instead i think of atleast i tried, but now???? it's so fuck up i cant even recite well, no i don't recite at all anymore because i'm so scared of their judgement! my quizzes? i use to top it all back then and whenever i got low score me and my friends will just laught it off, but now? all my quizzes are fucking low and when i see the result i will just think like damn i could've ace it if i study harder, but i cant even focus when im studying its so hard i'm losing interest in studying i just want a friend i just want to have a circle of friends i wish my junior high school friends are still my classmate! I missed them so much. All of this is so fucking draining it's sooo hard thats its affecting my mental health, i wasn't like this back then, what happened to me:<! This is not all but all i know is that theres a lot more i wanted to say but i cant find words that described this dumb feelings!

waddup, i've been single for 17 years ahahahaha! I just turned 17 last month! been single since birth! I wanted to experience what being in love is like but my generation right now is making my standards so high that i'm starting to think i might be single forever because its so high and i'm not that even good! well to be precised, so my friends bf or situationship is not something i wanted to have because if for them they're okay? well yeah they're ok for me, but as a friend, but for me they're a big NO if it's like a love relationship because i don't like someone cursing me even though sometings fun or i did something dumb or was clumsy or idk i can't explain it well but if you know you know! Well something like this and more. You must be thinking why i said i'm not even that good, well in terms of looks or attractiveness, i'd say i'm average, and my standard? good looking, hell even if everyone thinks you're ugly treat me right or show me something i would probably think iss cute, amazing, adorable or how gentleman you are i will like you! Well fuck it, but yeah! But I'm not that kind of girl that will fall in love easily, i might have liked you because you did that but you can't make fall in love with YOU just because YOU did THAT! So back to my standards, I want a soft spoken Man, not that active on socmed but if its about you he'll post you! will ask my parents for permission first before courting me, will never raise his voice to me, is mean but mean to girls because he knows theyre flirting, has emotionally intelligence god this is rare but yeah give me one please GOD! will give you assurance and words affirmation and quality time! Well i know quality time is not something that will always happen in a realtionship especially i know everyones busy, well im an undertsanding person anyway! Well there mor i wanted to say but o words can describe it well!