pyscho.simp's Things

this is my last resort bc idr use any other 'social media' platform I can be anonymous on. please help me if u manage to read this this all

Basically there's this dude I am heavy crushing on and it's just a silly yk teenage crush but it's still a crush and everytime I see him I actually wanna die in a good way

I like see him occasionally now on the bus and have been for the past 2 years (this is actually so pitiful) and it's taken me a good year for us to now be on a level that I have like surface level convos w him if I see him and he happens to be in a good position for me to say hi to him bc he's not even friends w me in a way I can just go up to him from afar dygm...
I fear this is because I am not the most social person so I did used to kinda j stare at him in awkwardness from behind on the bus whenever he took it and never say much more than hi but in my defence this dude kinda mumbles and I am partially deaf honestly sometimes when in convo like I heavily misheard or hear nothing. Tbh my friends r fed up of me bringing this dude up now bc i am actually so hopeless w trying to start sth w him bc I always have this idea to subtly ask him out (like the other day I thought maybe the next time I see him I can ask if he ever wants to go w me to get some free food w this sign up voucher I got bc it'd take like 20 mins from the place and back) BUT I JUST ALWAYS CHICKEN OUT. but is it weird if I ask him this when we rnt even that close... like how weird is it to j ask sm out bc i feel like if I never do this I'm never gonna be able to have a proper conversation w this guy... anyways advice on what to do bc i was supposed to go to a party but I ended giving my friend my ticket bc sth happened where it'd be better for her to go instead AND HE WAS THERE. my ass cud have talked to him tonight and try to confirm if he has the slightest interest in me or not but nope I stayed home. the point is he was in a devil costume and HELL I want the chance to ask him out. I feel like it's weird tho for me as the girl... uh he's also lowkey not a lowkey dude so ik he knows a lot of girls (his instagram following/ers def supports this knowledge) and he is known as a reasonably good looking guy DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE and don't get me wrong I will sound like a pick me rn BUT hear me out I am a cute good looking girl tbh but I don't wear a lot of makeup and I am like plain cute looking like I ain't nothing special and I am DEFINITELY not strong in the 'omg I want her body' category w just a slightly good fashion style.. do I even have a chance and it's like what do I do abt this I keep seeing confessions on my feed and it's making me go crazy

is it okay for me to compliment sm randomly on insta thru a story, I followed them bc of a bunch of mutuals and she's like dedass so pretty I j wanna go : 'you're like srsly pretty' but I think it's a bit weird j that bc i genuinely dk them

Can someone help me find where this panel is from, the image is a bit blurry but I'm like almost 100 percent sure it is from a korean manhwa and google lens showed me nothing

I always forget some of yall on here are absolute weirdos like I know a lot of the comments sometimes are satire on here but I just see the rare comment like :

'I read this in school and I got caught '
Girl you can't casually read porn in public that's just weird and your lack of real life relationships is showing

'THIS IS MY 5TH REREAD' or sth and it's literally a manga with the worst trope I have ever seen in my life shoved in with some rape

just those weirdos who comment on the sex mangas here expressing something that is totally disgusting like I really didn't need to know how many times you fapped to a chapter ugh

again Ik this site is mostly used for its porn mangas but arghh some of the stuff I read that yall say is so offputting ngl

I think in the recent years my personality has died down significantly and when I remember how talkative I used to be, sometimes I get a bit upset that I can't be like the way I was before. I've also noticed that I can never maintain a friend group for longer than 2 years. I'm honestly concerned, is there something wrong with my personality? Coz from my pov I feel like I'm just a big pushover who lets people say whatever they want for me because I always felt like that was my position in a friendship. But eventually I always tire of it, and start getting annoyed. I think the friends notice at that point and then we end up distancing ourselves. Is it the way I let it fester inside me? Some people have told me before that it's a hateful way to process things: to keep everything inside me and not talk it out with people. But like how else am I supposed to go about it? The friends never do anything majorly bad to me, and I struggle to collect my thoughts well enough to express it to them in a sensible way without getting upset in front of them. But also, I feel like 'talking it out' isn't always the solution, sometimes when you do that you just become hateful to each other because of it. Plus what are you supposed to do when your friends aren't the type to talk it out anyway? Like nothing is ever that 'deep' for them.

But I feel like from their pov, I'm like crazy quiet when it gets awkward in a conversation. I clam up in conversations once I start to get annoyed at my friends and I struggle to express it any other way than silence. I never act hostile or rude to them, don't get me wrong though I never take it out on them and tbh I don't think I express dislike towards them; I simply always just clam up kinda dk how else to say it. I think you could argue that I know where my faults lie: not talking it out w sm and letting it fester, but how am I supposed to go about this? I never know how to bring it up without being scared they'll call me out for being too deep, for caring too much, and I fear that I stress one-sidedly about the friendship that only I want to save. My friends also tell me that I am not very expressive about how happy I am, but instead my annoyance or sadness can be spotted easily . How do I change that? How do I act more happy with my friends? Be a bit more intimate with them so they feel like I actually like them?