edelric's Favorite

It will never ever make sense to me ppl's fixation of painting Joowon as "the bad guy" in Joohae's relationship, when its not what LOH depicts AT ALL. "In hindsight, everyone is a perpetrator and victim” —Joowon, Chapter 2 // This quote right here has to be the most DEFINING quote for these two, and I wanted to write an essay about it (yes it's a literal ESSAY IM SORRY).

When the story starts, we see Haesoo feeling hurt, claiming Joowon doesnt care about them and projecting him in a bad light + we see JW's attitude & his *possessiveness*... But we quickly learn that Joowon acts that way because Haesoo manipulates his emotions. Haesoo says its the "relationship I manipulated because I craved an obsessive love”, and he "builds walls, so Joowon can tear them down”. Meanwhile Joowon is also in the wrong as he's immature, impulsive & acts on ALL of Haesoo’s provocations. They inflict these actions on each other because they're BOTH insecure about their r/s. Because defining a relationship usually gives parties a sense of security... so what happens in an UNDEFINED dynamic where they can’t officially be "lovers", and can’t voice their true feelings either?? Well: there's no security in the relationship. That’s why Joowon and Haesoo keep up this push/pull tactic. It's the only way they can affirm they're “each other’s”. The fact that Joowon only acts within the confines of their jealousy games/Haesoo's manipulation, is proven further when they break up: HS narrates, "the game is over", and we see Joowon actually give Haesoo SPACE cause he knows his boundaries and where the lines are drawn. He still clearly loves Haesoo though, so he tries to protect him in the background (eg: when leo told him shady stuff abt taku, the bullying scandal, etc.)

Now that leads to the question: why did Joohae stay in this sort of hurtful open relationship for so long, if they love each other?? Well in short: its cause of their PARENTS.
Haesoo’s reason for not wanting to define the relationship: he fears that he’ll lose his mom if he makes things serious with Joowon. His mom spent ages guilt tripping him for her divorce + tells him she can’t love him if he loves Joowon. The guilt Haesoo feels isn't JUST towards his mom though. It's towards Joowon too. Haesoo constantly projects Joowon's life as "perfect" and feels so inferior at the success of JW's career. So he thinks he's the "only one suffering" (hence painting JW as the asshole who doesnt care). He also seems to see himself as a hindrance to Joowon & thinks JW will be much happier with a marriage, kids, etc. And Haesoo's thoughts AREN'T really Joowon's fault. Joowon never said he wanted a "normal" life, or tried to make HS feel like a burden. He always called Haesoo, told him he missed him, tried to spend all his free time w him despite his busy work. So I think most of HS's insecurities stem from his mom acting like he doesnt deserve her love, and his mom making him think he's a burden ("Am I that much of a hindrance to you?"). It clearly left Haesoo emotionally broken.

Now... Joowon's reason for not wanting to define the relationship: It started, after Joohae were caught as teens and JW was hit with a harsh reality. He got slapped by HS's mom and Haesoo even said: "I’m scared of my feelings for you”. It made Joowon think Haesoo can’t handle their relationship getting serious. JW felt driven into a corner, so he said, “Don’t fall for me and I won’t fall for you”. This is Joowon's foolish attempt to PROTECT them from being separated. He wanted to frame their r/s as “nothing serious, we’re just fooling around” to make things less complicated. He was also trying to protect Haesoo, knowing he can’t make Haesoo lose his mom. Joowon's dad deeply affects his actions too. After the highschool fight issue, he tells Joowon that Haesoo is gonna abandon him, and he shouldn’t start things he'll fail. Joowon takes this to heart after the divorce, where the mom makes Haesoo leave without even telling Joowon. Ofc he now thinks he’s been “abandoned” cause things got too serious for Haesoo, and that everything his father said was TRUE. His father gaslights him for years that Haesoo will abandon him. So Joowon literally thinks the ONLY WAY Haesoo will be with him, is through this ambiguous relationship.

Now. Consider both perspectives: Joowon never insisted that he wanted an official r/s because he thinks Haesoo will drop him otherwise. And Haesoo never insisted on what he truly wanted either (an official r/s! the same thing! WOW~ lmao) because the guilt he felt towards his mother overtook all of that. They willingly chose this, and the ambiguity of their relationship hurts BOTH of them, but they endure it cause they love each other and they wanted to stay together no matter what. Haesoo confirms it when he says "It’s painful because we know we can’t have it, that’s why we kept it ambiguous for 10 years”. Haesoo kept going back to Joowon for years. That’s what made Joowon arrogant and had him thinking, “Haesoo is fine with this. Haesoo can’t live without me. I knew he'd never leave me if we keep our relationship ambiguous”, and Haesoo never communicated otherwise. The remarriage suddenly made all of HS's fears abt losing his mom too real: hence why he walks out first, leaving Joowon to rethink EVERYTHING about what Haesoo truly wanted.

So in the end: who's the victim, and who's the perpetrator? You could say both... or NEITHER. At the end of the day, Haesoo and Joowon were just 2 people who loved each other since they were teenagers, but could never communicate it for their own reasons. They BOTH willingly got into these roles of an ambiguous relationship and kept up unhealthy cycles of jealousy. And they did it to be with e/o without having to be honest about their feelings, or face the consequences of their relationship. Through distance and time spent apart: they realized they feared never telling eo their true feelings FAR MORE, than whatever they could lose as a result of their love. That’s why in the end Haesoo asks Joowon if he regrets their relationship due to Joowon’s career and dad and everything... Haesoo was always worried about that: that if they chose each other, they'd come to resent each other for their losses (he says it in their breakup). But Joowon being the ride or die man he is, says he regrets nothing & he doesnt care about that as long as he’s with Haesoo. These two possibly have the most conflicting relationship I’ve read in a while— but they way they make realizations, develop, and change their mindset all so realistically to reach the conclusion they do is quite beautiful to me <33

I honestly can appreciate Taku as a fictional character because I do find him interesting and layered. But I am TIRED of ppl claiming he was incredibly sincere and cared about Haesoo so much. Idk if some of y’all skipped these parts, or chose to ignore it... but pls do see the following examples of Taku's manipulative and selfish behavior, and taking advantage of Haesoo:

Exhibit 1 - He wanted to use his sex tape to guilt trip Haesoo in their relationship. He said: “I hoped that guilt would bring you to me”. It only didn't happen cause Haesoo turned down publishing the sex tape. It was not that Taku backed away and stopped himself because he realized how fcked up his actions were. It made Haesoo uncomfortable and weirded out too,, pretty sure this can count as sexual/workplace harassment lmao

Exhibit 2 - In chapter 96’s flashback Taku says "i just want to read the story he writes about me when i'm gone” (his friend calls him an asshole too lol). This is a throwback to Leo telling Joowon over the phone about how Taku uses his models for his work, and then tosses them aside with little regard. He was planning the same with Haesoo, until he later got “attached”. that’s karma ig~

Exhibit 3 - Haesoo expressed that he was unsure/not ready for a relationship. Yet literally RIGHT AFTER his quasi breakup with Joowon, Taku is pressuring him like, "I'm still waiting for an answer". It's weird cause Haesoo's wounds are fresh from his breakup, and Taku is NOT stupid. He knew this and persisted. Haesoo shouldn't have agreed and that's his own fault (HS is not entirely a victim here lets make that clear). Meanwhile Taku? He was flat out taking advantage of Haesoo's broken emotions.

Exhibit 4 - Quote: “It must have been painful for him no doubt, but I still wanted to see more". This was Taku's thought during a photoshoot with Haesoo, which later made Haesoo cry at the exhibition (Chapter 92/93). Taku told Haesoo: "think about having sex with someone you love, but you can never see them again". This was RIGHT AFTER Joowon and Haesoo's big separation. To inflict emotional pain in your partner, and then say you were interested in seeing more? Bruh no… just no.

Exhibit 5 - Quotes: “Every time I saw how sad you were, it felt good.” “You were lonely. You need me because of your unhappiness.” —Chapter 58. This is from Taku's monologue of how Haesoo’s unhappiness made him feel good, because he felt depended on by Haesoo for comfort // hs get away from this man pls haha

Exhibit 6 - Another quote: “If I can’t beat him [jw] one-on-one, then I at least want you [hs] to feel bad” —Chapter 66 ...Can Taku stop wishing for Haesoo depression, like he's already sad jfc

Exhibit 7 - "I want to bury inside the void he [jw] left in you. And later I'll push him aside however I can." ...honestly this quote struck me as Taku taking advantage of Haesoo's heartbreak and being hella 'opportunistic' (btw: Taku called HIMSELF that in his interview in chapter 5 so I mean... lol). Maybe that's just me though idk.

Exhibit 8 - In Chapter 84 when Joowon's scandal broke out, notice how Taku starts texting "are you okay?" to Haesoo, then deletes it and instead tells him to stop caring about Joowon? This moment said a lot to me, because it's the fact that Taku is SO AWARE of how Haesoo must be feeling, but he purposely chooses to ignore that and cares more about winning and keeping him away from Joowon. Kinda struck me as the opposite from Joowon's phone call after Haesoo's modelling news dropped in chapter 68. JW asked Haesoo to not do the exhibition because he knew its not what HS wanted (he is right: haesoo always wanted to be known for his writing not his face, and felt crappy abt it all day). But when Haesoo said he was fine, JW told him he'll always be on Haesoo's side even as a hyung/friend. He made it so clear how he cares the most about HS simply being okay, even after Haesoo left him.

Exhibit 9 - Taku tells Haesoo he hopes he has a hard time with Joowon after their breakup (Chapter 99). It felt wrong to me cause Haesoo genuinely apologized and gently let him down in their breakup... but Taku tries to make Haesoo feel worse. I honestly understand being spiteful towards exes who mistreated you in some way. HOWEVER with this relationship: it seemed to highlight Taku’s selfishness. Taku is out here acting like Haesoo wronged him for simply not liking him back in a 1 month TRIAL relationship. As if he wasnt the one who initiated and *insisted* on their relationship. As if he was unaware of Haesoo’s feelings for Joowon. As if Taku didnt say it was better that they use each other. Him wanting to make Haesoo feel bad over this is wild considering all the conditions of their relationship and his past manipulation too.
((Also, Taku in this scene to Haesoo: “Sorry I told you I'm not a good person” … Like sir, if you know you’re not a good person, THEN FIX IT. Joowon spent almost 40 chapters self-reflecting n trying to correct the mistakes he made, when he never *intentionally* wanted to hurt Haesoo lol. Meanwhile some Taku fans: “omg he’s a good person that was wronged. haesoo never deserved him!” lmaooo))

///end of examples

Anyway I’m gonna have to start sending this to some of y’all who selectively read Taku’s character to all hell. He was really manipulative with Haesoo and had some bad intentions. And when Taku grew to stop being a robot and showed “real feelings” getting all attached to Haesoo and liking him more than he expected, he was STILL selfish and wanted Haesoo to suffer for him. He didn’t get enough development to stray away from that, but imo that’s exactly why he’s the second lead
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People have always hated on Joowon right from the start but I'm so confused how Haesoo and Taku were never put on the hot seat when they're just as bad as Joowon, arguably worse in the recent chapters since Joowon has a character development.

When they were young, Joowon had always prioritized protecting Haesoo because he was already in love with him, this is not debatable, this is obvious. Saying "don't fall for me because i won't fall for you" is something that Joowon deemed to be necessary in order to protect whatever they both had so they didn't have to be away from each other. They were 16 when they first met, it wasn't weird that they cannot consider each other as "siblings" and they weren't even raised together for long like the CBAW couple but it's definitely weird that they're fucking while their parents also did.

People say that Joowon is manipulative and controlling but Haesoo said that he likes it when Joowon gets jealous and this particular statement heavily impacted their dynamics. Joowon was willing to love Haesoo in whatever way Haesoo allows him to, this doesn't excuse his behavior and should be held accountable for that but it certainly is important to note this since it points to the fact that Joowon never intentionally does things based on whatever benefits him most. (This chapter proves my point, he even doesn't excuse himself for whatever wrong he did and acknowledges what he has done plus his action proves that he's trying to change in the Korean chapters ahead this and those really proved Joowon as a wonderful character, it made me love him so much)

I reread this and it made me realize how self centered, insecure and immature Haesoo is but even if he is built like that, he is still easy to push around. He was so petty and immature to sleep around to intentionally hurt Joowon because he knows what hurts him which is funny because he also thinks that joowon does not value him enough and he continues to intentionally hurt joowon. rather than saying it's contradicting, i'd say he's just looking for things to throw at joowon hoping joowon reacts just so he could prove that his 'hyung' does care but joowon also never really insisted what he truly wants. (stupid af, like? just talk u mfs)

Haesoo keeps projecting his insecurities on joowon like how he literally tries to make out joowon as someone very cold and unreachable to the point that he keeps on wishing for joowon to fail. he's shitty to think that he's the only one who has it hard just bc his feelings are hurt. like i said, being hurt is not an excuse for him to keep on wanting to hurt joowon bc joowon is literally hurting to but he never wanted haesoo to intentionally be hurt. (Kr chapters prove how all his actions were never driven by ill-intent, Joowon had always wanted the best for haesoo even when it will be him that will suffer)

Taku... I have no words for him. I do not want to be biased because I read the recent KR chapters but he literally doesn't get better. All he focuses was his feelings and wanting to see Haesoo get hurt because he wants him for himself. Literally thinks like a child getting desperate for not getting a candy. He used Haesoo's vulnerability to his advantage and kept wanting to push Haesoo to the edge to the point that it can only be him in the end, so no, it's not a "healthy relationship" his stans claim it to be and they both know that. Haesoo being selfish took the offer and Taku being selfish does it so he wins the stupid competition he has with Joowon in his head which he made up by himself. All he cares about is Haesoo staying in a relationship with him, he never genuinely cared for Haesoo, he wants to be with Haesoo because that's what he wants and he's got to have it like a brat. (I want them to end up together tho bc i just want joowon to be happy now. taehae suit each other bc they're of the same breed )

joowon is fr annoying in the next chapters like bruh why u fucking simp over a guy who only cares about himself, let him taste his own poison with taku seriously tho, i think haesoo gets better in the recent chapters, joowon becomes a fcking saint he ain't even want to hurt haesoo and wants to put haesoo first always like BURH U need to care about urself and taku... eerrr let's see in the upcoming chapters

i just had to say my best boy joowon literally noticed haesoo never wanted to be famous for being a model or for his looks, haesoo wants to be recognized as a writer but surprise surprise, who pushed him to put himself in the public eye bc he knows haesoo isn't shitty enough to write about his scandal? :P joowon had always supported haesoo being a writer and wanting to see him achieve his dreams while the other wants to capitalize on his sadness and compete with joowon bc of a competition he made up himself lol anyways three of them dumb as fuck when it comes to love (same tho lol my ex is someone like taku i fucking hate people like him who pretends to be there for you but is just actually to get what they want)

RANT OVER. no one reads this long ass essay of a comment but i just wanna put this out my chest bc i have truly embraced being a joowoner

It's amazing how some ppl claim Taku was with Haesoo out of the goodness of his heart, and wanted to "save" him from an unhealthy relationship i- like what now?? Reading comprehension where???
Taku got interested in Haesoo after seeing his story about his step brother: he wanted to mess with that relationship. Taku's exhibition themes were: Loss / Love —a choice he thought Haesoo would be so *perfect* for due to his relationship with Joowon. No, it was never about Haesoo's wellbeing lol. There’s literally a scene where he implicitly tells Haesoo to think of Joowon for the photoshoot, right after their breakup, and thinks: “I knew he was hurt, but I wanted to see something more”. He wasn't trying to make Haesoo feel better, but instead he was intrigued & captivated by Haesoo’s hurt and pain over Joowon. He even admits in the end, after he grew attached to Haesoo: "From the start Haesoo only had eyes for one person. Perhaps those unwavering eyes were what I loved most” -- proving how transfixed he was by Haesoo's feelings for Joowon.

Taku says in his character interview from the start that he's "opportunistic" when it comes to relationships. Example: him comforting Haesoo crying... it parallels Taku's ex-bf being comforted by him & getting upset cause Taku is just PRETENDING. It's the same w/ Haesoo. He didn't do that with genuine feelings, but just as a "habit" like Haesoo says. Taku also said, “it felt good to see you sad” and how he knows hes selfish but its cause he likes to feel needed. So him chasing after Haesoo wasnt sincere, but self-interest & intrigue (“I wanted to see the kind of story he writes when im gone” HELLO??).

There's multiple metaphors about it too (lmaoo not me writing about the metaphors when ppl can't even get the blatant text of Taku saying MULTIPLE TIMES how he's "not a good person" and that he likes Haesoo for selfish reasons... but anyway the metaphors are interesting to me <333). First his photography: Taku always focused on the frozen images and what's within the lenses, instead of life in the present. He captured what he wanted & ignored the rest. Second: the candy. He says all relationships are the same to him: just "sugar/additives despite the different colours". He doesn’t like the taste of bitterness, only the sweetness. It ALL shows how Taku only wanted the good and superficial things in life. He selfishly liked to be needed by someone else, but without any of the burden of real feelings. It’s only through letting himself get attached to Haesoo & realizing Haesoo’s pretend love isn’t enough for him, that he describes Haesoo’s kiss as "bitter".

Honestly I know how upsetting it is to see your ship sink. But if you step back and read carefully: you realize that Yeongha literally built Taku's character to GET HEARTBROKEN and experience the bitter things in life,, because he'd been so numb to that feeling otherwise. (It makes me curious abt Taku's backstory honestly. like what made him this way??)