When I was 8 my mother passed a way, i turned 9 and just like 2 months passed, I didn't know any better and was hoping my mom would come back u know, early morning I had to start to wash up to go to school, my aunty called my cousins to eat, but I'm sad, i missed my mother, a couple moment my aunty started shouting at me, thrown the glass mug near my foot and shouted at me saying that 'if i dont wanna eat with my cousins which is her grandson and granddaughter, I shoukd just told her instead of showing poker face....
I just turned 9 then but that incident never left my memory until now....
I'm a victim, I was a teenager, a high schooler, was almost raped by my neighbor who my father considered as a little brother, told my father's sister about it cause I expected something for her, was told that I should not joke about such incident, and told that i must be just dreaming (I wish I WAS) took a couple of months and continue going to school with panic attacks and anxiety ( i didn't even know I have panic attack) had a courage told what happened to someone I considered my friend in highschool, THEY comforted me, I cried but after a week, what happened to me spread out to my classmate, I was then left out, was called names "slut, whore"
A year then, I got the courage again and this time I told my sister, I told her everything but she got angry at me and shouted at me, told my second sister yet she was not listening and the whole time I was telling her, she was on her phone.
And let u guys now, I didn't get to tell my father and brother. Why? My father is an alcoholic, he gets angry, he blames me for what my siblings did when I'm not even my sibling. I was called a slut for wearing a short that was below the knee only by my brother. I'm scared to my brother up until now xause he is violent, he beats up his wife when he gets drunk, he shouts and In my whole life, I've never been comfortable with him. Just talking to him scares me, loud noises scares me due to my family shouting.
Istarted working 2022 of November, I stopped going to school, can't pay the tuition, i worked and worked while being treated as a trash at work, good thing my contract with them ended sooner, applied to another company got hired, got in training passed the training, was sent to production, was felt up by my co worker, was asked by a guy co worker if I'm a virgin. Got called dumb cause most of the times, when they talk about things I dont know it or like i dont know the trends, got called dumb cause sometimes they speak about like a story and i don't really know the story.
.....
I took the time to write almost everything but these days, I feel like i dont know anymore...when i started working, my other sibling started pushing all responsibilities to me, I had to pay electricity, water bill, food and i still had to give my father allowance.
My salary was like 300$- 350$, when I go to work, I most of the time will not eat to save up money, cause my transportation is costly, house rent is costly. With the salary I had back then, it was not enough, I tried asking my siblings for help but Its either im left on read or just ignored.... I
I'm 21 turning 22 in December, I am scared of loud noises, scarec when touched even just a bare tap in the shoulder, and I'm so jealous of the people of my age whe atleast get to have money to spend for themselves and family that is so good to them....
I do my best but its like not enough, its barely enough..... I want to live too .
