pinkmoth's Favorite

My worst fear Is for this manga to end like banana fish

[Apologies for the long post. Please ignore it. This is just me keeping record of what I read & felt]

I have lost count of exactly how many times my heart DIED while reading this creation of Kyuugou. It was excruciatingly intense & rich with dark, distorted emotions. The whole ambiance of this manga - every panel, every strand of hair, each glance, even simply the wind blowing was enough to make me shiver with fear & anticipation. I kept staring at some pages for more than a minute. I thought, if I don't watch them closely & carefully I'll miss something really important. Everything....and I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G in this story from the start to the last line of last chapter gripped & gnawed at my heart.

I have been wracking my brains after finishing it, exactly which brother was more pitiful and here I am sitting in front of my laptop....staring at the wall, for god knows how long. It felt like they were twin brothers cursed by the destiny itself and Kei's words kept ringing in my ears, "why do you think we came into this world separately?" No matter how much I think about, I can't find/imagine a way for Kei's salvation from his path of self-destruction neither could I bring myself to blame Roku for anything.

Among all the incest mangas & other thought provoking, emotionally disturbing psychological mangas I have read so far, Kyuugou crushed it. It's not like she used some complicated difficult words or dramatic scenes. With simple words, simple lines, simple scenes.....she pulled me into her world! As if everything was happening in front of my very eyes in slow motion holographic images & I can do nothing about it but to see them getting shattered & destroyed by their uncontrollable overwhelming emotions. The eeriness of every scene got under my skin & made me recoil with horror & suspense. Still, I couldn't stop myself from getting swept away with each chapter. It's no wonder she dropped it. I mean, I feel like this just after reading it, so I could not possibly imagine what she must have felt while writing those 9 chapters thick with mind-crippling emotions.

Despite feeling compassionate for her I would still pray & hope that Kyuugou sensei would pick it up again one day & write it till the end. Not just because it's a Masterpiece but because I have come to deeply love & care for those miserable characters. And I don't want them to be stuck in a time hole for eternity without a definite closure.

Sorry to sound like a bitch but I miss the intelligent old posters who:

1- didn't complain all the time because they're too lazy to remember the story (bitch please, that's on you and your memory, not the author's fault)
2- didn't complain because the story is heavy on the plot and lighter on the sex. This is a masterpiece in the making so the author is taking her sweet time with developing the actual relationship, as she should. If all you care about is sex, please go read the other thousands of BL's on this website that have the male leads fuck after the first eye contact.

Above all, I'm tired of people hating on Yashiro. Yes he's crude, he has a sadistic streak and yes, he has hurt Doumeki. He's not above criticism. However, friendly reminder that time and time again, he has asked Doumeki to LEAVE the yakuzas and Doumeki REFUSED. He did it nicely in the beginning when there was no immediate danger but he had to be strict once Doumeki's life started to be in danger just because some people were targeting Yashiro and Doumeki was in the way.

All he's ever done is try to protect Doumeki. From the beginning he thought Doumeki should and could get a decent job instead of being a yakuza's bodyguard. After a while, it became about saving Doumeki's life. Doumeki is stubborn as hell and won't listen when he asks nicely so what was he supposed to do?

Right now he's being unnecessarily mean because he's realising that Doumeki's love for him messed up his entire life. His face is scarred, he's missing his pinky. He's 100% yakuza now, he won't ever be able to get a normal job and a normal life. Yashiro, who thinks of himself as pure trash that doesn't deserve to live (let me remind you that he literally went on a suicide mission on purpose before the timeskip), has all the right reasons to be angry because of that. The way he sees it, Doumeki threw away his life for nothing. Snarky remarks are all he's got to cope with the situation.
Furthermore, have compassion for a rape survivor. This isn't the usual "uke" who's being undecisive for silly reasons. Yashiro literally is still suffering from PTSD from being raped for years as a child, being abandoned by his parents and being forced to join the violent world of the yakuzas at the age of 19, not to mention being sexually degraded by dozens of men since he was a teenager because of said trauma. Yes, he was seeking out these violent hookups but don't think for a second that it didn't have an impact on his soul and his psyche. Every single hookup was a re-enactment of his rape and a way to convince himself that he's unworthy of love, unworthy of knowing happiness, unworthy to live. The author is being extremely accurate with her portrayal of PTSD caused by rape and I'll always be grateful for that.

I'll also end on that note: Yashiro has no obligation to return Doumeki's feelings, no matter how pure and deep Doumeki's love is. I see lots of people complaining about that, and you sound like incels. If someone loves you very much that doesn't mean you have to love them back. Of course people who actually pay attention to the story know that Yashiro is passionately in love with Doumeki so I don't get the complaints to begin with but just wanted to point that out.

I like the development in doumeki; he expresses his anger and jealousy to yashiro and put pressure on his request like.... man SEXUAL TENSION there!! The power dinamic is balancing. In the past I found their relationship to be master-servant like, but now that he no longer serve yashiro, he can stand shoulder to shoulder to his love.
When doumeki say yashiro hasn’t changed: like to messing around, I feel PAIN. We all know that he stops ‘messing around’ since the accident 4 years ago except sleeping with that moron detective for some reasons. And if you guys want character development from yashiro, there you have it. I don’t understand people who dislike yashiro. This character deserves the world. It totally makes senses that he put a freaking high wall toward doumeki, well not just doumeki. Have you all forgotten WHAT HE HAS BEEN THROUGH? It’s true doumeki love him and would die for him, but this fact scares him. What scares him the most is accepting that sex between him and doumeki is what sex should have been: full of emotions and love. If he accept that, he’ll have to admit his principle, or even his entire existence, was wrong from the start. It breaks my heart realizing his behavior and sex life were projected as a defense mechanism when he was a CHILD getting assaulted from his low life father. He didn’t want to accept he was hurt, so he tried to prove to himself by sleeping around with weird people not caring to his body and thought that it doesn’t matter. IT DOES MATTER. Doumeki has proved that.
In this chapter, I like when yashiro explains why he threw away doumeki. At first it may sound mean, but that’s not his intention. He knows that doumeki new boss has some doubt in demeki’s loyalty even though he saved his daughter (dont forget he is smart ass). Yashiro is making sure that the excuse is sincere and in a favour of making doumeki the most loyal underling you would have met but no use for yashiro now. And doumeki knows because he is not irritated when he is alone with yashiro in the bathroom; he is later because of that prick tho. The girl knows he is a liar just from first meeting, and doumeki used to implied when he and yashiro were together that yashiro was lying too. He also knows yashiro has feeling for him but yashiro doesn’t know; even yashiro knows, he won’t say it. He is that type who would help their crush without anyone knowing. Remember his docter friend’s estate and when he help mend misunderstanding between doumeki and his sister.
I wanna talk more about doumeki but this is a long ass comment already and im tired. Lastly, if anything happens to yashiro, I’ll throw hand (yes im talking about hateful comments toward my baby).