Not sure if it’s the official translations or because I’ve read this multiple times now, but I understand much better what’s happening.
It’s also crazy seeing how people are talking about the rape in the comments. It’s there to be sexually titillating. You’re supposed to like it. It’s not real and, if you have a fundamental understanding of the genre, you know rape is a widely used trope in BL. If you don’t like it, don’t read. I liked it. I’m going to go read it again.