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“You have nothing to fear, if you have nothing to lose”
As a teenager, Yashiro already believes he is twisted beyond repair. Because of this he enjoys self-harming and risky behaviour that poses no outcome other than pain and loneliness. Then on top of that, the only person he comes to care for (in his own way) tells him he is pitiful. This is how we are introduced to Yashiro.
“You are the light; I am the shadow”
For me, the most heart-breaking aspect of this story is Yashiro’s perception of his own self-worth. When Yashiro is getting beaten by Hirata, almost to the point of death, he states: “I want to sully the beautiful, to hurt those I hold dear, to destroy any happiness there is”. For those who believe Yashiro is cruel to Doumeki, I highly suggest rereading this chapter. In Yashiro’s mind, his cruelty to Doumeki is a self-harm tactic. Yashiro clearly holds deep feelings for Doumeki, enough for him to still be haunted by Doumeki’s disappearance four years later. When reading this work, it’s important to keep in mind Yashiro’s history and how it influenced the way he sees himself and others. Yashiro’s actions are much more nuanced than just “mean” or “nice”. Just like Doumeki’s actions towards Yashiro when they finally become intimate. Keep the backgrounds of Doumeki and Yashiro in mind, and you will see how intricate this love story is!
“Things that changed, things that haven’t and some things that cannot be changed”
I hope as the story continues; we get to see Yashiro finally begin to heal. I am hopeful that this will occur, as Yashiro is finally reflecting on how impactful the abuse he suffered as a child was on his psyche. Of course, I want to see Yashiro finally accept Doumeki’s love, but I also want to see Yashiro finally extend himself some compassion. He’s been through so much and sacrificed his own life TWICE for those he holds dear. The first when he joined the group to help prevent Kageyama’s family clinic from being threatened. And the second when he almost got killed by Hirata, which he believed would help push Doumeki out of the criminal world/finally tie up that drama. Overall, I am really hopeful and excited for Yashiro’s (continued) healing journey. And hopefully it is categorized in the "things that change"!