alqamar's Topics (4)

In the chapters after the time skip, Yashiro’s outside behaviour seems the same. But on the inside, his mental state is very similar to the one he had when we were first introduced to him. Very reflective and sorrowful, I don’t think I’ll ever forget Yashiro saying “Why not me? Why can’t it be me?” in reference to Kageyama’s relationship with Kuga. HURTS MY HEART </3.

I feel like anytime Yashiro has any quiet time to himself his thoughts drift back to Doumeki. In chapter 36 he states, “The things I already gave up on at that time, are still left here in this world”. He then goes on to do the similar pose he did when he last saw Doumeki ( http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/mf/c036/24/ and http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/mf/c036/25/ VS http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/mf/c035/35/) . I think its safe to say that the THINGS left in this world = Doumeki.

Then Yashiro has that BAD DREAM (his words). My understanding of these panels is that Doumeki finds him, grabs his arm and Yashiro snatches his arm back and runs (still not so sure, but he seems to be heavy breathing in the panel after, coupled with the motion in the panel above: http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/mf/6a276415ee672dad28f071ead6cf6981_chapter-6/pg-8/). He then looks behind him and Doumeki is gone. Yashiro is then outside of the city, and alone in a desert. Desert dreams often times symbolize, “…when a relationship or friendship breaks down, or when you feel totally alone”. I believe this is further proof that Doumeki’s absence has affected Yashiro deeply.

Okay you’re probably thinking Alqamar, what’s your point? Two things. I feel like Doumeki’s absence has affected Yashiro in two ways. The first is clearly psychologically. Yashiro isn’t alone, he still has the presence of his loyal workers, his new businesses and his old boss still vying to be in his life. But even with this, he feels a DEEP loneliness, because the person he loves is no longer by his side. The second is more of a reach but stay with me haha. I feel like Yashiro’s damaged eye, is the physical manifestation of Doumeki’s absence. I think we can make the connection between Doumeki being his right hand ( http://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/mf/manga/saezuru_tori_wa_habatakanai/c010.5/pg-18/) and then Yashiro’s RIGHT eye being affected. Although it’s pretty late into the morning and I might be wrong with which eye was exactly affected, so please correct me if wrong!

(Also, interesting to mention: In the chapter 40, Yashiro reflects on his dream while starring at the sunrise. There are many symbolisms of a sunrise that relate to this chapter. One is, that it can symbolize new beginnings; this fits the context of this chapter since it’s the first time Yashiro and Doumeki see each other after four years)

I feel like these moments of reflection give us a glimpse of Yashiro yearning for Doumeki and actually missing him! But due to his defense mechanism (denial), he is choosing to not acknowledge his feelings and continue on without Doumeki.

In a moment of anger, Doumeki makes the assumption that Yashiro is still practicing old habits. As readers we know this isn’t true, Yashiro has only slept with one person at most in the past four years. Many people may dislike this fact (Doumeki included haha) but I think it shows how much Yashiro has grown. He is breaking the pattern of having sex with “any” and “everyone” (although I believe Yashiro was more strategic than that, he would always get something (like info) out of it). By not continuing the risky sexual behaviour, he is slowly working through what he was forced to believe and healing his inner child. I hope in the future this extends to Yashiro and his view on himself. I hope he gets to a place where he can embrace his feelings for Doumeki and even himself. Again, I am just blabbering so if nothing makes sense my apologizes haha.

In chapter 14 before all the chaos really starts, Hirata tries to turn Ryuuzaki against Yashiro. When Ryuuzaki doubts that Yashiro would cross him, Hirata point blank asks him if he has feelings for Yashiro. Then in chapter 26, Hirata continues to try and turn Ryuuzaki against Yashiro. To do this, he chooses to taunt Ryuuzaki about his feelings for Yashiro AGAIN. He tells Ryuuzaki that Yashiro purposefully takes advantage of him, as he believes Yashiro is aware of Ryuuzaki’s feelings. In the latest chapter, we find out that Doumeki also realized Ryuuzaki true feelings for Yashiro. Yashiro’s reaction is so interesting! He looks off to the side as if Doumeki said something puzzling, and then shrugs it off like it could never be a possibility.

Even when Ryuuzaki is about to go to prison, Yashiro suggests that he find someone in prison. Ryuuzaki tells him he isn’t gay and thus he wouldn’t mess with any other guy. And still Yashiro never thinks that Ryuuzaki has feelings for him! Even in prison, I think Yoneda Kou made a point to show us a shot of Ryuuzaki’s (porn) magazine and it just so happened to be a page featuring a short haired woman who seems to have blonde hair. Ryuuzaki is so cute, he even blushes during his visit with Yashiro. I really do hope we get another update that features him, I would love to read a spin off with him finding love or even reuniting with his past lover <3 (sorry for the double posting ramblings, this is what happens when I consume coffee late at night).

“You have nothing to fear, if you have nothing to lose”

As a teenager, Yashiro already believes he is twisted beyond repair. Because of this he enjoys self-harming and risky behaviour that poses no outcome other than pain and loneliness. Then on top of that, the only person he comes to care for (in his own way) tells him he is pitiful. This is how we are introduced to Yashiro.

“You are the light; I am the shadow”

For me, the most heart-breaking aspect of this story is Yashiro’s perception of his own self-worth. When Yashiro is getting beaten by Hirata, almost to the point of death, he states: “I want to sully the beautiful, to hurt those I hold dear, to destroy any happiness there is”. For those who believe Yashiro is cruel to Doumeki, I highly suggest rereading this chapter. In Yashiro’s mind, his cruelty to Doumeki is a self-harm tactic. Yashiro clearly holds deep feelings for Doumeki, enough for him to still be haunted by Doumeki’s disappearance four years later. When reading this work, it’s important to keep in mind Yashiro’s history and how it influenced the way he sees himself and others. Yashiro’s actions are much more nuanced than just “mean” or “nice”. Just like Doumeki’s actions towards Yashiro when they finally become intimate. Keep the backgrounds of Doumeki and Yashiro in mind, and you will see how intricate this love story is!

“Things that changed, things that haven’t and some things that cannot be changed”

I hope as the story continues; we get to see Yashiro finally begin to heal. I am hopeful that this will occur, as Yashiro is finally reflecting on how impactful the abuse he suffered as a child was on his psyche. Of course, I want to see Yashiro finally accept Doumeki’s love, but I also want to see Yashiro finally extend himself some compassion. He’s been through so much and sacrificed his own life TWICE for those he holds dear. The first when he joined the group to help prevent Kageyama’s family clinic from being threatened. And the second when he almost got killed by Hirata, which he believed would help push Doumeki out of the criminal world/finally tie up that drama. Overall, I am really hopeful and excited for Yashiro’s (continued) healing journey. And hopefully it is categorized in the "things that change"!

Finally bite the bullet and created an account here, as I’ve enjoyed reading all your responses throughout the years. During my reread, I realized both Yashiro and Doumeki have accumulated scars to get the attention of their desires. Yashiro accumulated burns/scabs to get the attention of Kageyama. Doumeki accumulates scars which represent his deeper involvement in the criminal world = closer to Yashiro.

I just find Doumeki’s backstory so interesting, Yoneda Kou definitely has a gift of giving us enough to let our imaginations run wild! I am not sure if it’s a translation miscue or if was really said but his sister mentions his friend signing on as his guarantor when he was eligible for parole. I wonder who this person is? A childhood friend? Maybe someone he was close with during his job as a police officer.

"You becoming a yakuza is even more silly." Ah, if only past Yashiro could see Doumeki now! In volume 3, chapter 14, page 2, Yashiro lists off what he believes are qualities Yakuza’s should exhibit.
1.Making your boss money
2.Having a drive to make money
3.A respectable appearance
4.An ambition to power
Yashiro makes an important note though, that anyone can get used to being a Yakuza if you’re in this long enough. Alongside the fear of his death, maybe this is why Yashiro was persistent in pushing Doumeki further away from this world. If we look at Doumeki’s current path, will he match up with these?

“No matter how he cried and begged me not to cast him aside, I hardened my heart and kicked him to the curb", Interesting Yashiro admits this so openly when it contradicts the excuse, he used to push Doumeki away. It was because he didn’t “remember” him. But here he openly admits the grief it took him to actually kick Doumeki away, he “hardened (his) heart”.

I’m excited to see where the plot will take us in the new year, especially since we know Doumeki’s new group has a lot of enemies. I think that coupled with Doumeki’s new groups history (the clash of who should have the leadership, with half of their members leaving with Okuyama instead of serving under Tsunakawa) will lead to a lot more action packed moments!