Estheria's Favorite

Ask me anything abt the novel

Ok let's point out some stuffs so far before part 4 is translated:
- ML is mentally ill, he's the result of his family treating him worse than animals while shaming and demonizing his sexuality.
- ML is traumatized n has no real or genuine interactions w anyone so far in his life so he knows NOTHING abt being a normal person or has common sense.
- ML is obsessive of MC, stalks him throughout the story, before meeting MC and even during the bullying.
- ML kinda moved in w MC for awhile before their fall out due to MC feeling pity for ML, so alot of his stuffs r at MC's place. At the end of part 3, MC tells ML to get rid of his stuffs out of his place cz he doesn't want to think of ML anymore, esp in his room. But ML refuses, he says he will take one at a time instead.
- MC n ML will be put into a different class together, it's a class full of good grades students (the 2 Junwoo's followers ain't in that class, and I'll be calling them 2 Mfs)
- Students in that class don't give a f abt anything/anyone besides their grades. So when they bully MC, they ain't physical, but manipulative, they humiliate and guilt trip MC into doing their homework or works in general for better grades (MC is always ranked 1)
- MC is bullied mostly by other classmates n students and the 2 Mfs. He got hurt physically multiple times too, the worst one was when someone put sharp things in his shoes. MC saw ML holding his shoes later after the incident so there's something going on there (later when they talk, MC tells ML that he got rid of the shoes already n ML reacts weirdly saying "Why? Ain't those your favorite pair of shoes? How can u just get rid of them so easily" as if he talking abt himself)
- There is 1 guy who helped MC during the bullying, but he was never upfront or wanted to be too involved w MC cz he doesn't want any dramas. He's like that to everyone, nice but never close. His name is Shin Jae Hyun (he will plays major part apparently since he's mentioned so often).
- ML is jealous of Junwoo, Taesan and Shin Jae Hyun. So later when MC doesn't want to go the school much anymore (due to the bullying even after ML forced and pressured MC to forgive n make up w him) but still want to be updated w the lessons, he asked Shin Jae Hyun for help but no response. This maybe causes by ML involvement because he keeps popping up around MC watching him closely + his jealousy.
- ML mentally towards MC is he loves MC, but scared of being perceived (cz his family literally beat him up n treat him like shit, even his lil sister who's probably under 12y old doesn't regard him as a human being)
- All ML learned is how to get to the top (cz his family is very influential n powerful) and throughout the time he stalked MC before using Junwoo to get close to MC, he thought MC would only like someone because they're at the top, for their ranks, their positions not for them as a person.
- MC still likes ML but he has always been rational, he also has his own ego and pride (good for him, we need more Bottom like him) so when ML forced MC to forgive him, he's very on guard and still stands by his original plan of getting tf away from ML. Throughout the bullying, he just wants everyone to leave him alone so he can study and graduate. Unfortunately, due to the bullying, he was unable to study n gave his best, which made him fall from rank 1st to rank 12th. ML got ranked 1 and MC said he wanna KILL him at that time cz he never lost his rank ever before (again good for him, his anger n pettiness is valid)

Anyway, they're in their last year of highschool already and we will see them graduate soon (hopefully)

I think a lot of the readers and spoilers are missing a key point of the story. Before you pass judgment on how much you hate the MC or think he's a jerk for no reason you have to understand his character.

Well...imo from reading the novel, the story really is about Soohan learning how to love and let himself be loved. He didn't grow up experiencing love or accepting that his parents loved him. So with that in the way, it's easy for him to dismiss anyone's affection for just them wanting to serve themselves.
For example: ML's parents just helped him and his dad to save face, they gave him scholarship to promote their company, his own father just tries to be good to make himself feel better about being a thug, etc.

In many ways, Soohan is selfish and bitter who was hardened by a rough childhood under his absent father and abusive grandma. He had it so good under Yeonsoo's family but he's already put up a wall around his heart so he fails to recognize the good things. He had a father who is trying to make amends, a young puppy ML that loves him unconditionally, future in-laws that recognize his potential but his bitterness is stopping him from acknowledging all that. That's why I think the story is about Soohan learning to love and be loved.

He has a victim mindset that just grates my gears sometimes too. But that's just how he is. He's scared, he's insecure about his life, he has no real life purpose but to be successful and give the world a middle finger.

But I don't think I'd be any better if I were the MC.

Also, he has a real legit reason why he's cold to the ML before his amnesia.

They made up, well ML forced MC to make up w him n forgive him.
Overall, ML didn't "actively" participate in the bullying, he mostly just stalks MC like usual and stayed silent. It's the classmates who r jealous of Jun (cz his connection w ML n Junwoo, he's basically ranked high socially in school thanks to them) so when ML dropped MC by being rude to MC, they took it as an opportunity to bully MC. Especially the 2 mfs followers who used to follow Junwoo around.
Throughout the bullying, there was 1 guy who helped MC, but always pulled back before getting too deep w MC (he prefers no friends = no dramas)
Since ML still stalks MC, ofc he's jealous of that guy + Taesan, in his mind, him ignoring MC n allowing bullying is him trying to teach MC a lesson BUT he be delulu waiting for MC to run back to him n apologize.
According to ML's mindset, MC loves anyone who's at the top of social ranks so he gotta show how helpless MC will be without him (he even thinks the reason why MC liked Junwoo was because of his rank). So he was very shocked when MC said Nope, I liked him cz we used to hang together n I liked him for his face etc.

Anyway ML refuses to let MC go so he tries many ways to gain forgiveness from MC (MC ain't that forgiving, tho he still likes ML, he's very on guard now)

What happened in chapter 24?

For ppl who giving novels spoiler but complaining about who’s the end game, pls do yourself a favor and try to understand the 3rd and 4th volume more properly. Its clear how the author potrayed the mc obsession towards the boys, how he found the person he really loves but still left them and running back to simon and jerome. Many parts of the novels sucks but the way mc acts is clear and the way mc and ml being together isnt forced at all, its actually the mc who force Jerome to gives up everything and life a quiet life with him.

Another thing I wanna add, Jerome isnt the reason mc get raped, the others is raped him and Anna cant stand it so she bring mc to distract the boys from Jerome. In the novel, the other victim who still alive didnt hate Jerome bcs most of the time hes drugged and forced to rape ppl, thought this is diff case for mc, hes sober and willingly to do it bcs he likes mc, hes bad but you cant deny the others played bigger role than him this case, he will get punished and gang raped in front of ppl watching(club) if he ever deny Hugh orders.

look, as chronically online person who read a ton of toxic red flag "dark romances", ill take this type of story any day over than some smut-filled rapist apologist romanticized story where a rapist becomes a good lover bc he falls for mc, whom he hitherto treated as a sex toy, and it becomes wholesome bc the mc "fixed" him. at least in this story, jerome only raped raymond bc he was driven crazy with a need for revenge and lacked autonomy bc he was under the thumb of hugh's family. and even then, it only lasted one arc, in which he came to respect mc's strong will to not break and perseverance, which was the groundwork for his future actions helping mc. for the rest of the arcs, since he wasn't compelled to, he doesn't SA mc again until mc is willing, and made no acts to appear to care about him until the most critical moments. he legitimately has no power and authority to wield, and that one time he helps mc at the risk of exposing himself, he actually suffers the consequences and is drugged and made a spectacle (and at that point, Raymond still despised jerome and contributed in humiliating jerome). and why this is such a significant act is bc jerome was actually treated the same way as raymond, and this is the basis for his revenge, so he basically willingly risked undergoing the same trauma again and sacrificing the revenge he worked on for ~15 years just to help raymond. and this isnt the only selfless act he did for mc. novel jerome is 10x more compelling and complex than your typical black flag ml will ever be. but if u want cliche powerful capricious rapist ml who submits to mc after hitherto forcing him to his whims, this just isn't for u. if u want a cathartic revenge story, ultimately it is (Raymond gets his revenge and so does jerome) but it is also a very gritty and nuanced exploration of Stockholm syndrome, depicting realistically to a degree the self-gaslighting, self-hatred, resignation, and emotional dependency of the victims.

let me mention as well, Raymond doesn't fall for jerome even after his enacting revenge twice and knowing jerome is a victim too and ONLY after jerome saves his life, and this was the catalyst to choosing love over hatred for the sake of his own survival. yes he has stockholm syndrome, but it was neither affection or sympathy, it was just a parasitic emotional bond based on trauma. after raymond tried to kill jerome at the end of the first arc, he actually managed to kill him in the third but he immediately revived him not bc of love but bc of said emotional bond. it was then he realized he couldn't live without "the boys" even when he desperately wanted to kill them. he couldn't move on from them either, so the only way to survive in the world with them was to give up on revenge, suppress hatred, and resign to love instead. after more than a decade of hate. it had nothing to do with "he's changed to someone I can love so I should give him a chance". (and if u think this is stupid, jerome thinks so as well. he is the one to reignite raymond's hatred.) the author makes it very fucking clear that what jerome did is unforgivable and even if he beg and save mc it would not rectify his wrongs, and this is reflected in jerome's actions when he keeps a distance from mc even after mc falls for him and only tries to seduce him/be openly affectionate and kidnap him to a remote inn to live together away from reality when mc loses his memories of his trauma (ngl was my fav part of the novel cuz it provided a lot of insight on jerome's character). and when mc recovers his memories, jerome becomes cold and wants to run away again. anyway, that's why I think this is better than the stories where the narrative pussyfoots around making rapist MLS not quite irredeemable bc they were raised into an arrogant POS, had a sad backstory, and/or the mc "enjoyed" the sex.

ill also say, that the other characters (hugh & George) and (nicholas & Christine) actually exemplify what happens to a unromanticized relationship based on stockholm syndrome if the victim didn't have the necessary mental resilience and the abuser doesn't see their lover as equals and still wanted to control them. hugh remain an abusive scum even after falling for George, who in turn became as twisted as hugh and just gaslighted himself to accept being his pet and sex toy bc of love. the victim of the second couple couldn't gaslight themselves into being happy, but he also couldn't reconcile his love and hatred. so he chose to go down the path of death. (raymond & jerome) only end up together bc raymond is mentally strong enough and jerome is just a traumatized normal person who loves raymond more than his own life but is completely aware of his own sins. all in all, if u can handle these types of dark thriller stories, this is for u; u can criticize the literary tropes themselves, but u cant immediately dismiss the story as "bad" just for having them if u haven't even read it.

Some people say that this is worse than non zero sum and no reason. I guess if you count the amount of gang rape+rape in it then yeah. It depends on what exactly you deem as worse (like is physical violence the worst for you or amount of rape, mindbreak, etc).But in my opinion I think non zero sum and no reason is worse- FOR NOW at least until the full manhwa is still ongoing and I actually see the contents in its entirety. I think it’s cause in this one, the mc seems to fight back a lot? Compared to non zero sum, where it the mc is totally mindbroken there. And no reason had some pretty stomach-turning moments that I can’t forget. (That one fisting scene made me wanna vomit). Although if you don’t count that scene maybe I’d think this is worse than no reason?

Ngl I’m surprised these specific genre of dark BL authors haven’t just written full crime documentaries lmfao. That would actually make more sense if they put all that thought to work. It’s pretty wild that there’s still more horrible real life stories worse than these BL fiction works. (Like junko furuta case. If an author actually had that level of detail, I’d genuinely be terrified).
-
-
-
Anyways on another note, I checked out the novel spoilers thread and despite there being the most content of spoilers there, the way the spoilers was written was so hard to understand- it didn’t make sense at times. It’s like reading a wattpad story of a scene and trying to imagine the scene being described and the writer isn’t making sense LOL. (Ex: “He pushed me against the wall and stared into my eyes. I felt hot as I was on my stomach shivering beneath him). I would read one part of a spoiler of a scene but then some stuff wouldn’t even make sense and felt like a part was taken out to jump to the next action of the characters.

It’s better written here if you find someone who shared spoilers in the comments from what they read in the novel. And maybe like one review was a bit detailed on the novel page reviews section (which still wasn’t enough because they also said they didn’t want to spoil much).

Continued in comments of what I read in the spoilers, below

Can someone explain what the MC has that makes him special to illay and the other guy without spoiling? Wanna start reading again but got confused last time

Am I the only one who cannot feel any chemistry between Ilay and Taeui? Like idk I just don't see much of a relationship or stuff like that after so many chapters. It stills feels the same that Ilay is an asshole and Taeui has to suffer through his bs. I mean it is a slow burn but I just don't see a loving relationship in the future for them. Can the novel readers spoil that for me?

Things im curious abt
1. Is the uke a virgin?
2. Is the seme a virgin? (Prolly not)
3. If seme has someone he holds dearly, why did he call for a companion?
4. Is the seme the type to look for one night stands and not have proper relationships.

The commander or ml? Is he really a playboy?

I dont like it so much if the ml is a playboy, can someone please tell me or spoil me?

Is the seme really slept with the ex?

Or he was just pretending to be the ex's new lover??

There’s a lot of moments in the novel where there’s just almost no way you could interpret their interactions as platonic. I found someone’s tumblr where they do translate a few chapters and snippets of chapters that highlight the homoerotic tension between them. Right now there’s about 15 or so posts ranging from translations from chapters 399-797. Their tumblr handle is lalune9x. One of my fave chapters lalune9x has translated and posted on her blog is chapter 469 where Yoojin declares to Hyunjae that he wants him to live however recklessly he wants and he’ll make sure it happens and that even if Hyunjae disappears or tries to run away, Yoojin will always drag him back. He confesses this in front of Taewon and Hyuna who are also there lol, and Yoojin blushes and can’t look Hyunjae in his face and hightails it out of there after that statement. Hyunjae’s reaction is also quite telling, hiding his face and saying that it drives him crazy. Ive bought some of the chapters on Ridibooks to compare the MTL translation and the tumblr creator really is doing gods work translating the Korean chapters and explaining the nuances of the Korean words

Is the seme a playboy who slept around before meeting the uke?

Is there a scene where the seme slept around or the uke getting raped by other people?

Cause when this scenes are included, I know it red flag ╥﹏╥

Is both of them sleep around?
(The comments are little vague so I want an explanation)

And will there be a drama where an ex fwb or a real ex will try to break them apart?

Lastly, when will we get the pregnancy arc? Will it only appear in the side stories?

Insta lust to insta love.

Seme approached uke with the intention of a pump and dump but after they fuck he decides he wants to be with him.

Later seme gets amnesia and forgets his relationship with the uke. He is pretty horrible and uke moves out. Seme picks up a girl and goes home with her. He doesn’t end up doing anything but making out because the uke texts him and seme leaves while the girl is in the shower.

The author kinda downplays semes behavior by still making him down bad for the uke even while he has amnesia and pushes him away. Like “I’m going to sleep with a girl because I definitely don’t want to sleep with that guy!!” But then can’t get it up when he’s with the girl. Not really my cup of tea for a realizing mistakes/chading arc but ┑(￣Д ￣)┍

If this is a BL story Moondae will be ship with everyone. I mean he have chemistry with every one in the group. And oh, I dunno why but I kinda like him and Vtic's leader. Lol

This is a spoiler but there is no cliffhanger for chapter 14. Reason being, Chase is only able to find out that Josh is the guy he slept with during his rut nearing the end of volume 3 of the novel (last volume).

How the story progresses is that Josh protected Chase from "dogs" and then Chase starts to develop feelings for Josh.

Some where in the middle when Josh went to collect drugs for Chase, he realise that Chase's brother (forgot his name) brainwashed Chase into thinking that he slept with a dog, which cause him to have the trauma with dogs.

Then the misunderstandings comes in whereby Chase gets jealous of Pete's mom (Chase doesn't know he is Pete's mom) when he overhears the conversation (or rather, Isaac's confession) between Josh and Isaac.


Afterwards, the whole bodyguard crew + Chase saw the mark on Josh's ear and Chase got even more sad and jealous, causing more misunderstandings.

That's when Josh wanted to clear the misunderstandings so Josh told Chase that he want to introduce Pete to Chase and they went to the amusement park. Josh left Chase with Pete, wanting to allow the both to get familiar with each other when Pete ran off to "Jason" and then to save Pete, Chase overcame his fear of dogs, then later finds out that (Josh told Chase) he did not sleep with dogs and that he slept with Josh and Pete is his son. (and they had more kids)

Yall should read the novel, it's completed but yeahh that's how it ends and I hope the author will have some side stories