Estheria's Favorite

Alright. This novel is not new. Just a few years old. I think it was released in 21 or 22. Anyways, this novel has been revised now. Initially this novel had some aspects which were severely protested by the korean readers such as the resemblance to nth room case and bestiality. The new versions on ridi and bomtoon has replaced the bestiality (dog) with a sex machine so you might not see the dog sex scene in the webtoon. Though it did happen in the first version. I have read it myself. There is no love till the end. The relationship is of kind of mutual dependence where ML and MC are broken because of each other but can’t live without each other as well. ML due to his obsession of revenge and MC due to his trauma. The ML doesn’t regret anything. Well atleast in the first version he doesn’t. He has broken MC but the satisfaction of that is lukewarm. At the end of novel, it is like ML has now taken over MC and now will keep him with him as a toy/plaything or a pet. It’s just like you have something useless but can’t throw it away for whatever reason so you keep it with yourself stored at home.

All of this is happening because Jiwook used to bully and sexually assault the ML in middle school. Jiwook was initially good with ML AND he was attracted to ML as well. However due to the fear of homosexuality and afraid of peer pressure, he started bullying and sexually assaulting ML after ML confessed to liking him or being gay.

The abuse involved sexually assaulting ML with his friends, like forcing him for blow jobs, rape etc. the last abuse ML suffered was when Jiwook added a bunch of vibrators in his ass and bound him and left him in the washroom near library. One guy was on duty of keeping an eye on him but Jiwook never came back. The ML was super scared and was rescued by the security guard at night. That was day ML’s mom came to know about the abuse ML suffered because he hadn’t been to home that day due to being locked in the washroom. Also, from that day MC stopped paying attention to ML just on a whim, he left him in washroom and just decided that he should now study.

ML’s sexual pics were being circulated around by Jiwook so ML’s mom also happened to see them. From then she hated the lipstick and color red I think (it’s been long since I read it) because in the pic ML had some writings written on him with red lipstick. ML’s mom mental health deteriorated and got admitted to hospital.

ML was initially a very sweet boy buy due to the abuse and bullying he suffered, he became twisted and wanted to take revenge on Jiwook. Then when Jiwook lost his memories of the ML, the ML became more deranged because according to him, only he was suffering and stuck in the past which everyone eventually forgot and moved on from.

Now onto the abuse Jiwook suffers, there is gangbang on two occasions I guess. Both planned by ML. First is similar to nth room case, where ML shares Jiwook’s sexual pics to different people who wants to bang him and has grudge against him. The men will beat him brutally, rape him brutally, and even try to drown him in water basin in pretext of washing his mouth since MC vomited after being punched badly. The rape is really bad. When the men are done, they will take pics and send then to ML. The ML’s thoughts were that he will have to clean up the mess they left on MC and that he didn’t think they will go so hard on MC. No remorse though. Just a apathetic sorry to MC because he expected them to rape MC but not so hard.

The second gangrape is done extremely brutally which is actually allowed by ML. ML even wants it to be done brutally to punish MC. When MC is losing his mind due to abuse in the gangrape, ML is like why are you losing your mind already? The gangrape involves beating, using baseball bat (I think) to fuck him, using urethra plug to force him to ejaculate him again again with pain, urinating in his mouth and asshole, it’s extremely disturbing.

MC will keep asking what he did that ML is doing this to him but ML will not tell until the last gangrape. After the last gangrape, MC will awake in hotel and regain his memories. He will apologize to the ML. Now he is broken and damaged beyond repair. He is so afraid to even go outside without ML because he thinks those men will come again and rape him. Thus he wants to stay with ML . Stockholm syndrome is beginning and will fully kick in the side stories.

The dog bestiality scene is in side story 2 but it has already been changed to a sex machine after the protest.

My pet peeve with this novel is that if it’s marketed as a revenge story and something that will depict the pain sexually abused people feel then it does a pretty shitty job at that. ML is shown to have become completely psychopathic. Given he was abused, given he wasn’t given justice, given his abusers were free but the time he raped and allowed other people to become sexual abusers just like him, he no longer comes in the category of victim.

An eye for an eye, if we go with it then how can you guage the emotional suffering someone has suffered. MC was so brutally abused, broken and even stripped of his humanity with the bestiality scene that do you really think they are on equal foot now? What about the people who gangraped MC? Aren’t those sexual abusers? Is there any difference left between MC and ML. Does degrading someone so much equals to the suffering the ML suffered? Kill Jiwook, beat him up but this whatever the writer wrote nowhere justifies anything. The name “walk in my shoes” is fucked up joke.

This is a fetishized work, because in the end the focus is not on empathy or regret but rather sexual abuse, the degradation and ultimately whatever the author could jam to make it disgusting. Even the thoughts, the dialogues, they are super apathetic. There was a brilliant way to go about this novel if it really focused on the theme of revenge. There are many dark novels/works in the world but this doesn’t even come close to it. It is disgusting porn in disguise of novel.

The people criticizing others who are leaving bad reviews, do you guys even know what the review section is for? It literally asks people to give their thoughts about the work so other audience can know what people thought of this work. If someone wants to say it’s bad or good, they are literally given a section that “here tell people how you felt about it”. That’s the review section. Anything that comes on internet as a means of entertainment or media for people, people do have a right to give their opinion about it. What's so fucking difficult about it? Author and artist can write and draw disgusting shit like this but people can’t even openly give their review? The fuck kind of mentality is that? If you enjoy it then comment that you enjoyed it and be on your way. Stop dictating others to not leave bad review or shut their mouths.

So this is a messed up story. They are two years apart. So no the angry guy isn’t a PD. Is he a POS garbage human being yes. They meet at an Internet cafe when pretty guy was 14 and the angry guy was a first year in high school. It was the beginning of the school year. They both like one another. But the angry one is internalized homophobic. It’s also implied in the later chapters of the aftermath that the angry one was super toxic masculinity because boys and older men lusted after him. In fact the angry one is supposed to be pretty as well. It’s going to be seen more when he loses a lot of weight and his hair grows from being held captive. His body will become very typical twink looking.

The angry guy will get gang sexually assaulted violently to the point of almost dying twice for escaping. The second time his rectum and urethra is going to be ripped and torn. His intestinal tract and rectum will have been ripped and torn. Shattered and broken bones and he doesn’t remember assaulting the pretty guy. Not until the end of the end. It’s implied though that the angry one doesn’t really have parents and got into the gang life as well as being manipulated and abused by the adult gang members. He doesn’t remember due to brain injury. They were all underage. So idk where people are gathering that other then the rival exaggerating because the angry guy was going to fight the younger brother of the rival gang brother. It was only rumor that he was with the pretty guy. He has extreme anger issues after assault because that is what happens in brain trauma and he is not as smart as he was prior to the attack. He is extremely impulsive. Even when told about that he has no memory of filming the pretty guy or any guys. There is no weird stuff with a dog either. The girls he was with were not minors. They were around his age and he himself was a minor. He is a pos for sexually assaulting the pretty guy. And a POs for blackmailing girls he dated.

The angry one is going to be treated as a dog. So I think people are not reading it correctly.

They are not a couple people should aspire. It does show how effects after sexual assault and abuse by someone you’re interested or into can mess you up. It will take five years after the last /second gang sexual assault to angry guy for both pretty guy and him to be in a healthier relationship. They both are in therapy and the angry guy is filled with extreme social anxiety. Because his urethra is ripped apart as well as his genitalia he will not be able to use his penis properly and it will be smaller. So the revenge is extreme. The pretty guy doesn’t feel good about it and he wants the angry guy and takes care of him. The angry guy realizes how messed up he was and remembers in the hospital after being unconscious for a while. He apologizes and doesn’t make excuses. He says his hang ups and said that his feelings for him were mutual but it was his disgust with himself that he took it out on him. It was wrong and he doesn’t hate the pretty guy. He empathize and said he deserves it and worse. The angry guy realizes that the pretty guy life was messed over because of his actions. The pretty guy says he doesn’t want to let him go. And the angry guy said he will do whatever the pretty guy wants as long as he never leaves him. After three years the pretty guy sleeps in the same bed with the pretty guy and they have a better relationship. The pretty guy is graduating two years after the angry guy moves into the room
With him. The pretty guy gives up being in the family business to live a comfortable life with the angry guy and they finally acknowledge that they love one another but are scared of that emotion because it carries so much after they messed each other up.


It’s not for a lot of people. So I recommend not to read it. Or if you need a feel good. Read reunion. Or define relationship.

I know the manwha is supposed to be revised and it is starting to look that way because a lot is shorted and not as violent as it was in the novel.

Hope this helps. It’s not gonna get better any time soon and it’s gonna be super messed up. I still liked it more than sadistic beauty. I hope they don’t do the ripping and stuff or if it is included it’s implied and it is not illustrated. It was just really violent and grotesque in the novel. Like disfigured kind of punishment.

Oh and they are into extreme BDSM after the whole ordeal. Like the angry guy likes being punished and the pretty guy loves doing it. Both are mentioned to be in therapy and all that though. So there is that.

I gave it a high rating because it does show how abuse and assault effect people in the long term and people who have messed up relationships do go the therapy to fix it so it’s interesting to see that aspect. It’s again isn’t a relationship to aspire and is extremely dramatic and fictional.

Are you all seriously comparing Yohan to Junwoo? Yohan would never seek attention through violence.

You’re spoiling the story in a way that makes it seem like everything is Yohan’s fault. His unpredictable mood swings are an unconscious form of manipulation.And just so you know, he has ADHD. When it comes to his family, he REALLY FELT UNLOVED. Maybe to others, it looks like a lie, but he craved attention and needed more than he was given, and from his perspective, that wasn’t entirely wrong. His family was like many wealthy families, too busy to truly care about their children. His family was also as unusual as the way Yohan presents himself. You should read the story because neither the main character nor the male lead has a perfect psychology, it’s complex, not necessarily wrong. It’s a fresh take on BL manhwa, and I truly appreciate that

Jun was thoughtless and careless, never asking Yohan anything before making assumptions and dragging him in front of his family. Even if he meant well, the way he did it made Yohan misunderstand and feel looked down on. Yohan already saw Jun as pragmatic and immature, obsessed with status at school - something Yohan never cared about or even tried to achieve. Do you see the issue here? Even when he was angry at Jun and deliberately ignored him at school, it was only meant as a “punishment.” He had no intention of using violence, despite being well aware of his influence at school. He just wanted Jun to back down first. But if Yohan is a black flag, then Jun is definitely a red flag, because Jun has a huge ego. Jun apologized but didn’t make any effort to reconcile, while Yohan, struggling with ADHD, couldn’t control his frustration and was always the one to reach his limit first. That said, he was never violent toward Jun, so please stop comparing Yohan to the ML in NZS

im rlly shocked by ppl saying hes a black flag. cos for me hes not even half the red of mls like edge of ambiguity or even backlight. trust me ive read the novel. ofc it could just be my opinion but i just cant imagine him as bad as some ppl r claiming him to be


spoiler alert







as for the ‘abuse’ he made jun go through, even jun thought he deserved it (to a certain degree ofc. he thought he served yohans anger and even felt bad for seeing yohan cry. yes he cried). that happened when yohan was seeing red after jun sort of forced him into a situation where he had to directly confront his family(a very religious and homophobic one who r obsessed with saving face). he attempted to assault jun and broke his arm (the 2nd one was unintentional since he even broke the fall that couldve hurt jun and used his own body as a cushion when the two fell to the floor). he did all that cos he thought jun did all that to mock his family situation. its actually a ‘jun thing’ to do cos jun himself has been playing mind games with yohan (at one point he even added his fingerprint to yohans phone lol. dont get me wrong i absolutely love jun as an mc) after that yohan turned his back to jun at school and since the ‘king’ stops supporting the rest of the school who have been jealous of jun starts bullying him (it was nowhere near as bad as what taesan went through tho. probably cos yohan himself did nth except ignore jun. its more of a psychological torment than physical and ppl didnt do it openly more like stealing shoes and making subtle condescending comments and a ball to his face at PE) until jun encountered one of junwoos former lackeys that lost their power when yohan became ‘king’ and boy did jun beat the crap out of him (he also got hurt ofc but this part of the novel is so refreshing cos now we have an mc who didnt need the ml to come save him)

anyways he ended up at the hospital and yohan keeps visiting him. oh i forgot to mention, after a few days of ignoring jun and found out juns feet bandaged (jun hurt his feet after he had to walk home n slippers cos ppl stole his shoes) yohan actually started to talk to jun obviously feeling bad. his goal is actually to make jun cling to him and start talking to him the way he did with junwoo (yohans always hated junwoo for constantly having juns whole focus. this is shown in the epilogues btw) but ofc jun didnt give in at all and he even ignored yohan completely when yohan started talking lol lol. at the hospital they sortof made up? and things went back to how they were before their fight. but now juns changed. hes matured and he’s become independent. he wasnt so scared of the hierarchical system and instead saw the bigger picture which is his own future and focused on nth except maintaining his grades that dropped thanks to yohan and the bullying he went through.
this part is also so good to read cos yohan kept trying to assert his dominance but jun was smart as hell and didnt let it faze him. long story short one of yohans lackeys betrayed him and asked jun to fake confess to yohan so that he could record the thing and spread it at school. jun ofc was smarter than that and stuck with yohan which earned him yohans trust. eventually they finished high school and then theres this thing jun found out abt yohans family (im not gonna spoil this one cos even this shocked me lol and i dont want to ruin ur experience) to sum it up yohans been lying to him abt sth (not completely lying but exaggerated a bit) all to earn juns sympathy and attention which he later admitted to wanting so badly) jun found out, misunderstood and thought yohan completely made it all up. felt betrayed. decided to leave all behind and didnt even bother sharing his college admission test results making ppl including his teachers think he failed etc etc when in fact he went into a prestigious university. he kissed yohan on impulse btw lmao and after that disappeared. oh yh before that he splashed coffee to yohans face saying he hated him. yohan visited him all drunk and pathetic but juns been feeling betrayed and turned him away. the kiss happened, he cut off all ties and connections which made yohan lose his mind ( jun found out only after he met yohans sister later)

he moved to the college dorms and purely by fate yohans his roommate (and yes its purely coincidence and yohan had nth to do with it. in fact yohans been completely miserable after jun ditched him saying he hated him) the lackey that tried to videotape the fake confession ( he got beat up by yohan and got expelled) has been trying to find jun and when he found him he splashed acid at him saying he wanted to destroy the face that yohan liked but yohan covered jun, the acid disfigured his back and three fingers. yohans family dumped him completely into juns hands (jun had a talk with yohans father and found out some things again) they made up and jun let yohan live with him in the dorms.


so yh yohans bad news but not THAT much of it cos unlike other mcs, jun himself is far from a helpless and weak little person. he can handle himself rlly rlly well. and in fact he’s probably one of the very few mcs who ACTUALLY got away from the ml until ofc fate brought them back tgt and not the ml himself. yohans bad but hes also down bad for jun. the yearnings there and in his defense, jun is also super good at acting unaffected towards what yohan does which completely drives him crazy. in fact theyre both crazy and theyre both red flags. read the novel and youll find out about the whole power struggle between the two lolol. both r super manipulative but in my opinion i think i find yohan not as bad is probably cos jun can actually handle him. yh he went thru hell cos of yohan but eventually it was yohan who started to make up with jun. in fact even then jun asked to be simple classmates which ofc infuriated yohan lol. after the bullying jun became even stronger mentally and saw through many things and lastly jun in fact used yohan to maintain a peaceful hs life after the incident changed his behavior towards yohan. and after he ghosted yohan before college yohan became so docile when they met at the dorms and listened to jun when he lashed out and told him to leave the dorms looking all sad and miserable
i recommend yall to read the novel. nth is more entertaining than two mcs having a power struggle especially when theyre both cunning af. dont let those cmts saying yohans a black flag stop you cos like i said its not as bad as that AT ALL. im not defending yohan i just find it a waste to not pick this up cos the novel is just super good. at least for me it is. and the mc. i just love love love mcs like these. physically strong mcs r good and all but this one has a strong mentality even WITHOUT any traumas associated to his past.


btw u can find the novel translated on novel light or novel bin and the korean one on booktoki. the translated versions stop at 19.2 so use a VERY good translating app for the rest of the chapters. try not to miss out cos its even more than what u read. some things r only implied and u have to pick up some others on ur own. the same way u need to when reading novels like passion. have a nice read guys ^^

Coming back here after reading yohan's pov at the end of the novel...

I just want to say that after he fallen in love at first sight on Jun, he became such a fool, so silly and sad. He just want to go to the cafeteria early to catch Jun sight, to catch his attention but knowing Jun have a crush on Junwoo, he just look like a bystander even Jun thought Yohan always glaring at him during their first year. There's a few time when Yohan try to initiate a conversation with Jun but got ignore instead lol even his hand lifted awkwardly in the air after greeting him. The second hand embarrasment yall .

Also, there's a part where Yohan began socializing with Junwoo right, he thought what did he see in Kang Jun that made him have the feelings towards him turns out he just one of Junwoo's lackey, kissing up their asses like the others do, nothing interesting.

Oh boy, just when Yohan start to lose interest he saw the note Jun written on his paper exam! The words of encouragement remember?
Even his father won't say anything encouraging to him heck, his father wont even see the exam paper, something along the line.

The lines that got me so much when Yohan says, turns out all this time when he befriended Junwoo and the gang, he always judged Kang Jun through Junwoo's eyes. When he realised this, he hate Junwoo even more now. Do yall see this? The way he thinks?? Speechless.

Yeah, Yohan fall for Kang Jun because he got fair skin, got halo around him in the middle of a cafeteria hah. So silly. So lovable yohan.

Like I mentioned about Shin Jae Hyun, he's so fr SMART.
Literally 4-5 chapters of Shin Jae Hyun telling Kang Jun (MC) his analysis of the whole bully situation n ML.
- Everyone in the school love Junwoo (ew), they actually love Junwoo more than ML. They both admire n love Junwoo. So when ML dragged him down n tossed him aside, everyone was and still in disbelief. And since ML used rumors to label Junwoo as "the disgusting gay guy who loves men's ass", everyone is scared of associated w him, so whenever they talk abt Junwoo, that's all they can talk abt, using that label to talk abt him. (They ALWAYS talk abt Junwoo cz they miss him n love him)
- Shin Jae Hyun knows ML is hella insecure and is gay. He said he knows ML is obsessed w MC even suggested MC to just kiss him if MC wants ML to do anything for him. He also pointed out, despite that, anyone who even dare to mention ML being gay at all will be punched, beaten down n threaten by ML. It's him being scared n insecure abt ppl knowing he's gay (boils down to his traumas caused by his family).
- Shin Jae Hyun points out the fact that the way MC is being bullied is very weird. N the fact that more than 90% of the bullying is from all other classmates is because they all have been jealous of MC (from being closed to Junwoo to being protected by ML AND in their eyes, MC is the definition of "Perfection", good background, have money, good grades and good at socializing).
- Shin Jae Hyun also says there r 2 types of ppl when they see or have someone who's "better than them" close to them. Either destroy n belittle them or want to become them. Junwoo wanted to destroy MC, ML wants to BECOME MC. That's why ML keeps trying and is pretending to like studying and always look irritated whenever he socialize w other (u can see it through him talking "buddy-buddy" w Junwoo's old followers).
- ML became close to Junwoo to wait for a moment to strike and destroy him. Junwoo's biggest mistake is allowing ML to be close to him (but that's on him because he saw MC as more of his competitor than ML).
- MC though still wants to distance himself far away from ML, he doesn't like it when ppl n Shin Jae Hyun talk badly abt ML. MC is also worried that if Shin Jae Hyun can see right through him, ML and everything, everyone may as well also know which is bad for his image (this gives him a lot of frustration)

Ask me anything abt the novel

Ok let's point out some stuffs so far before part 4 is translated:
- ML is mentally ill, he's the result of his family treating him worse than animals while shaming and demonizing his sexuality.
- ML is traumatized n has no real or genuine interactions w anyone so far in his life so he knows NOTHING abt being a normal person or has common sense.
- ML is obsessive of MC, stalks him throughout the story, before meeting MC and even during the bullying.
- ML kinda moved in w MC for awhile before their fall out due to MC feeling pity for ML, so alot of his stuffs r at MC's place. At the end of part 3, MC tells ML to get rid of his stuffs out of his place cz he doesn't want to think of ML anymore, esp in his room. But ML refuses, he says he will take one at a time instead.
- MC n ML will be put into a different class together, it's a class full of good grades students (the 2 Junwoo's followers ain't in that class, and I'll be calling them 2 Mfs)
- Students in that class don't give a f abt anything/anyone besides their grades. So when they bully MC, they ain't physical, but manipulative, they humiliate and guilt trip MC into doing their homework or works in general for better grades (MC is always ranked 1)
- MC is bullied mostly by other classmates n students and the 2 Mfs. He got hurt physically multiple times too, the worst one was when someone put sharp things in his shoes. MC saw ML holding his shoes later after the incident so there's something going on there (later when they talk, MC tells ML that he got rid of the shoes already n ML reacts weirdly saying "Why? Ain't those your favorite pair of shoes? How can u just get rid of them so easily" as if he talking abt himself)
- There is 1 guy who helped MC during the bullying, but he was never upfront or wanted to be too involved w MC cz he doesn't want any dramas. He's like that to everyone, nice but never close. His name is Shin Jae Hyun (he will plays major part apparently since he's mentioned so often).
- ML is jealous of Junwoo, Taesan and Shin Jae Hyun. So later when MC doesn't want to go the school much anymore (due to the bullying even after ML forced and pressured MC to forgive n make up w him) but still want to be updated w the lessons, he asked Shin Jae Hyun for help but no response. This maybe causes by ML involvement because he keeps popping up around MC watching him closely + his jealousy.
- ML mentally towards MC is he loves MC, but scared of being perceived (cz his family literally beat him up n treat him like shit, even his lil sister who's probably under 12y old doesn't regard him as a human being)
- All ML learned is how to get to the top (cz his family is very influential n powerful) and throughout the time he stalked MC before using Junwoo to get close to MC, he thought MC would only like someone because they're at the top, for their ranks, their positions not for them as a person.
- MC still likes ML but he has always been rational, he also has his own ego and pride (good for him, we need more Bottom like him) so when ML forced MC to forgive him, he's very on guard and still stands by his original plan of getting tf away from ML. Throughout the bullying, he just wants everyone to leave him alone so he can study and graduate. Unfortunately, due to the bullying, he was unable to study n gave his best, which made him fall from rank 1st to rank 12th. ML got ranked 1 and MC said he wanna KILL him at that time cz he never lost his rank ever before (again good for him, his anger n pettiness is valid)

Anyway, they're in their last year of highschool already and we will see them graduate soon (hopefully)

I think a lot of the readers and spoilers are missing a key point of the story. Before you pass judgment on how much you hate the MC or think he's a jerk for no reason you have to understand his character.

Well...imo from reading the novel, the story really is about Soohan learning how to love and let himself be loved. He didn't grow up experiencing love or accepting that his parents loved him. So with that in the way, it's easy for him to dismiss anyone's affection for just them wanting to serve themselves.
For example: ML's parents just helped him and his dad to save face, they gave him scholarship to promote their company, his own father just tries to be good to make himself feel better about being a thug, etc.

In many ways, Soohan is selfish and bitter who was hardened by a rough childhood under his absent father and abusive grandma. He had it so good under Yeonsoo's family but he's already put up a wall around his heart so he fails to recognize the good things. He had a father who is trying to make amends, a young puppy ML that loves him unconditionally, future in-laws that recognize his potential but his bitterness is stopping him from acknowledging all that. That's why I think the story is about Soohan learning to love and be loved.

He has a victim mindset that just grates my gears sometimes too. But that's just how he is. He's scared, he's insecure about his life, he has no real life purpose but to be successful and give the world a middle finger.

But I don't think I'd be any better if I were the MC.

Also, he has a real legit reason why he's cold to the ML before his amnesia.

They made up, well ML forced MC to make up w him n forgive him.
Overall, ML didn't "actively" participate in the bullying, he mostly just stalks MC like usual and stayed silent. It's the classmates who r jealous of Jun (cz his connection w ML n Junwoo, he's basically ranked high socially in school thanks to them) so when ML dropped MC by being rude to MC, they took it as an opportunity to bully MC. Especially the 2 mfs followers who used to follow Junwoo around.
Throughout the bullying, there was 1 guy who helped MC, but always pulled back before getting too deep w MC (he prefers no friends = no dramas)
Since ML still stalks MC, ofc he's jealous of that guy + Taesan, in his mind, him ignoring MC n allowing bullying is him trying to teach MC a lesson BUT he be delulu waiting for MC to run back to him n apologize.
According to ML's mindset, MC loves anyone who's at the top of social ranks so he gotta show how helpless MC will be without him (he even thinks the reason why MC liked Junwoo was because of his rank). So he was very shocked when MC said Nope, I liked him cz we used to hang together n I liked him for his face etc.

Anyway ML refuses to let MC go so he tries many ways to gain forgiveness from MC (MC ain't that forgiving, tho he still likes ML, he's very on guard now)

What happened in chapter 24?

For ppl who giving novels spoiler but complaining about who’s the end game, pls do yourself a favor and try to understand the 3rd and 4th volume more properly. Its clear how the author potrayed the mc obsession towards the boys, how he found the person he really loves but still left them and running back to simon and jerome. Many parts of the novels sucks but the way mc acts is clear and the way mc and ml being together isnt forced at all, its actually the mc who force Jerome to gives up everything and life a quiet life with him.

Another thing I wanna add, Jerome isnt the reason mc get raped, the others is raped him and Anna cant stand it so she bring mc to distract the boys from Jerome. In the novel, the other victim who still alive didnt hate Jerome bcs most of the time hes drugged and forced to rape ppl, thought this is diff case for mc, hes sober and willingly to do it bcs he likes mc, hes bad but you cant deny the others played bigger role than him this case, he will get punished and gang raped in front of ppl watching(club) if he ever deny Hugh orders.

look, as chronically online person who read a ton of toxic red flag "dark romances", ill take this type of story any day over than some smut-filled rapist apologist romanticized story where a rapist becomes a good lover bc he falls for mc, whom he hitherto treated as a sex toy, and it becomes wholesome bc the mc "fixed" him. at least in this story, jerome only raped raymond bc he was driven crazy with a need for revenge and lacked autonomy bc he was under the thumb of hugh's family. and even then, it only lasted one arc, in which he came to respect mc's strong will to not break and perseverance, which was the groundwork for his future actions helping mc. for the rest of the arcs, since he wasn't compelled to, he doesn't SA mc again until mc is willing, and made no acts to appear to care about him until the most critical moments. he legitimately has no power and authority to wield, and that one time he helps mc at the risk of exposing himself, he actually suffers the consequences and is drugged and made a spectacle (and at that point, Raymond still despised jerome and contributed in humiliating jerome). and why this is such a significant act is bc jerome was actually treated the same way as raymond, and this is the basis for his revenge, so he basically willingly risked undergoing the same trauma again and sacrificing the revenge he worked on for ~15 years just to help raymond. and this isnt the only selfless act he did for mc. novel jerome is 10x more compelling and complex than your typical black flag ml will ever be. but if u want cliche powerful capricious rapist ml who submits to mc after hitherto forcing him to his whims, this just isn't for u. if u want a cathartic revenge story, ultimately it is (Raymond gets his revenge and so does jerome) but it is also a very gritty and nuanced exploration of Stockholm syndrome, depicting realistically to a degree the self-gaslighting, self-hatred, resignation, and emotional dependency of the victims.

let me mention as well, Raymond doesn't fall for jerome even after his enacting revenge twice and knowing jerome is a victim too and ONLY after jerome saves his life, and this was the catalyst to choosing love over hatred for the sake of his own survival. yes he has stockholm syndrome, but it was neither affection or sympathy, it was just a parasitic emotional bond based on trauma. after raymond tried to kill jerome at the end of the first arc, he actually managed to kill him in the third but he immediately revived him not bc of love but bc of said emotional bond. it was then he realized he couldn't live without "the boys" even when he desperately wanted to kill them. he couldn't move on from them either, so the only way to survive in the world with them was to give up on revenge, suppress hatred, and resign to love instead. after more than a decade of hate. it had nothing to do with "he's changed to someone I can love so I should give him a chance". (and if u think this is stupid, jerome thinks so as well. he is the one to reignite raymond's hatred.) the author makes it very fucking clear that what jerome did is unforgivable and even if he beg and save mc it would not rectify his wrongs, and this is reflected in jerome's actions when he keeps a distance from mc even after mc falls for him and only tries to seduce him/be openly affectionate and kidnap him to a remote inn to live together away from reality when mc loses his memories of his trauma (ngl was my fav part of the novel cuz it provided a lot of insight on jerome's character). and when mc recovers his memories, jerome becomes cold and wants to run away again. anyway, that's why I think this is better than the stories where the narrative pussyfoots around making rapist MLS not quite irredeemable bc they were raised into an arrogant POS, had a sad backstory, and/or the mc "enjoyed" the sex.

ill also say, that the other characters (hugh & George) and (nicholas & Christine) actually exemplify what happens to a unromanticized relationship based on stockholm syndrome if the victim didn't have the necessary mental resilience and the abuser doesn't see their lover as equals and still wanted to control them. hugh remain an abusive scum even after falling for George, who in turn became as twisted as hugh and just gaslighted himself to accept being his pet and sex toy bc of love. the victim of the second couple couldn't gaslight themselves into being happy, but he also couldn't reconcile his love and hatred. so he chose to go down the path of death. (raymond & jerome) only end up together bc raymond is mentally strong enough and jerome is just a traumatized normal person who loves raymond more than his own life but is completely aware of his own sins. all in all, if u can handle these types of dark thriller stories, this is for u; u can criticize the literary tropes themselves, but u cant immediately dismiss the story as "bad" just for having them if u haven't even read it.

Some people say that this is worse than non zero sum and no reason. I guess if you count the amount of gang rape+rape in it then yeah. It depends on what exactly you deem as worse (like is physical violence the worst for you or amount of rape, mindbreak, etc).But in my opinion I think non zero sum and no reason is worse- FOR NOW at least until the full manhwa is still ongoing and I actually see the contents in its entirety. I think it’s cause in this one, the mc seems to fight back a lot? Compared to non zero sum, where it the mc is totally mindbroken there. And no reason had some pretty stomach-turning moments that I can’t forget. (That one fisting scene made me wanna vomit). Although if you don’t count that scene maybe I’d think this is worse than no reason?

Ngl I’m surprised these specific genre of dark BL authors haven’t just written full crime documentaries lmfao. That would actually make more sense if they put all that thought to work. It’s pretty wild that there’s still more horrible real life stories worse than these BL fiction works. (Like junko furuta case. If an author actually had that level of detail, I’d genuinely be terrified).
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Anyways on another note, I checked out the novel spoilers thread and despite there being the most content of spoilers there, the way the spoilers was written was so hard to understand- it didn’t make sense at times. It’s like reading a wattpad story of a scene and trying to imagine the scene being described and the writer isn’t making sense LOL. (Ex: “He pushed me against the wall and stared into my eyes. I felt hot as I was on my stomach shivering beneath him). I would read one part of a spoiler of a scene but then some stuff wouldn’t even make sense and felt like a part was taken out to jump to the next action of the characters.

It’s better written here if you find someone who shared spoilers in the comments from what they read in the novel. And maybe like one review was a bit detailed on the novel page reviews section (which still wasn’t enough because they also said they didn’t want to spoil much).

Continued in comments of what I read in the spoilers, below

Can someone explain what the MC has that makes him special to illay and the other guy without spoiling? Wanna start reading again but got confused last time

Am I the only one who cannot feel any chemistry between Ilay and Taeui? Like idk I just don't see much of a relationship or stuff like that after so many chapters. It stills feels the same that Ilay is an asshole and Taeui has to suffer through his bs. I mean it is a slow burn but I just don't see a loving relationship in the future for them. Can the novel readers spoil that for me?

Things im curious abt
1. Is the uke a virgin?
2. Is the seme a virgin? (Prolly not)
3. If seme has someone he holds dearly, why did he call for a companion?
4. Is the seme the type to look for one night stands and not have proper relationships.

The commander or ml? Is he really a playboy?

I dont like it so much if the ml is a playboy, can someone please tell me or spoil me?

Is the seme really slept with the ex?

Or he was just pretending to be the ex's new lover??

There’s a lot of moments in the novel where there’s just almost no way you could interpret their interactions as platonic. I found someone’s tumblr where they do translate a few chapters and snippets of chapters that highlight the homoerotic tension between them. Right now there’s about 15 or so posts ranging from translations from chapters 399-797. Their tumblr handle is lalune9x. One of my fave chapters lalune9x has translated and posted on her blog is chapter 469 where Yoojin declares to Hyunjae that he wants him to live however recklessly he wants and he’ll make sure it happens and that even if Hyunjae disappears or tries to run away, Yoojin will always drag him back. He confesses this in front of Taewon and Hyuna who are also there lol, and Yoojin blushes and can’t look Hyunjae in his face and hightails it out of there after that statement. Hyunjae’s reaction is also quite telling, hiding his face and saying that it drives him crazy. Ive bought some of the chapters on Ridibooks to compare the MTL translation and the tumblr creator really is doing gods work translating the Korean chapters and explaining the nuances of the Korean words