I honestly don't think part of the hate towards ibelin is justified Yet; it's not like she's been taught how to be kind, in the sense that preschoolers have to be taught basic ethics, she hasn't been taught that. Toddlers are kinda selfish by default and have to be actively taught to share.
Also, it's sad that Ibelin thinks that Ibelin is "a dumb woman"? Like, she read all of those arcane books and seemed to understand them when other people couldn't?
i also relate with self-denial of events caused by me...