The concept was good
The execution however was lacking.
You have a buff smokeshow and a petite woman- that's the kind of pairing that could drive people mad, in a GOOD WAY
It would have been better if they could have more meaningful conversations. Maybe start off with him being hard on her in the gym, and pushing her to work out some body parts more. With him sounding stern, and her taking it to heart. Then with better communication get to know each other. Maybe also have him talk about some insecurities he might have with his own looks or otherwise.
The sex scene was also a missed opportunity. Have them both be eager but also shy and timid. Her being worried to undress in front of him, lest she turns him off. And him reassuring her that is not the case. That he is more than willing.
More attention to foreplay, especially with her breasts- longer and more detailed nipple play. Get her off with her nips only. This is important since the ex pointed out her flat chest was a turn off.
And THEN get to penetrative sex and her worrying about being so small and tight, and that being even more exhilarating because of the size difference.
Later chapters can have more dynamic sex scenes.
Anyway, a huge missed opportunity with this one-shot
WHY do they "love" each other?
They slept together a few times
And I guess the sex was top tier but what exactly do they know about each other?
I am confused
Maybe the characters who are "awake" during the final run get to leave the game.
If your cassette tape has been removed, or isn't playing, you're an NPC that round.
So far there are only 3 tape players- the one in the car, the silver cassette player and now the black one.
Does that mean during any particular run, no more than 3 players can play the game?
Then how does Doha fit into all this?
I hated this character start to finish
Always smiling, always pretending to be caring but he's actually sadistic and manipulative.
He's always pushing Karlyle to do things that make him uncomfortable. Always making Karlyle cry and then love bombing him.
And because poor Karlyle has never loved or dated before he just goes with the flow.
But everything is just happening according to Ash's wishes. He just reframes everything and talks sweetly to make it seem like he's being kind and considerate of Karlyle's wants.
This was hard to read through. I kept hoping Ash would change. I wouldn't mind him if he was forthright about being sadistic, but he always hides behind an apologetic smile. Exactly the kind of character I hate.